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Old 08-08-2017, 10:13 AM #521
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Hi Eva. I hope you start to feel better soon. Sending Heartfelt Hugs and Prayers your way.
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Old 08-10-2017, 08:27 AM #522
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Default And a memory I wish...

I could have seen it as I do now
I was young
And at that time in the early Seventies
Prosthetic hardware such as one my father would be using
An amputee as a young man and put him in life long depression and it never a issue seeing him with a missing leg
But my point
The leg he had to wear was manican like
Carved wood moulded plastic
He called it his wooden leg
He would put a special sock on the stumps and put it in a hollow opening then wrapped a belt around his waist

And here is the story I'm ashamed of today
Even though he was mental sickness and physical trials I did not understand

I was young and he took me my best friend and her sister and boyfriend
My father was drunk but happy drunk
I was not comfortable as he did not like that my girlfriends sister and boyfriend were kissing
A no no
Back to a hand I should have extended
He took us ice skating
And he decided he was going to ice skate
I was so embarrassed begging my mother to pick me up crying like a baby
Never until thinking about it today
Rather then help him try to skate hold his hand I was thinking about myself
Not how all he wanted was to have fun and I should have extended my hands out to him
He had the nerve to put them on and have some fun that not what I did or felt
And I'm sorry for that
So sorry
Me
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Old 08-11-2017, 07:04 PM #523
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Default "A hell of a day st sea"

If anybody remembers the movie
It would be a awesome way to become in love with the family
and man
It was a good movie
Something I remember when crap hits the fan
That would be still the same
A hell of a day
Me
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Old 08-12-2017, 06:51 AM #524
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Default A full moon

Does it affect some
Yes it does
I am one who is affected
My father did
It is something to wonder about
Amazed and amused at how the mind can play these horrible games over and over time and time again
I cannot help but wonder what causes us to begging the thinking process
Is there a thought that hasn't reached it threshold and bam it all comes rushing out
What gets the mind going
I'm not sure if I'm interested at times
When I begin to figure out what needs to be done in the day alone is a bit to much not wanting to know
Can that be achievable
Can I practice that in my day
And what that boils down to is the f its
Not I interested thank you very much
The disappointment is more than one would want to feel
It's like a slow death
From the inside out
How easy for some to sweep under the rug like my middle dis until she begins to feel better and then she says got to go
I have to let this go
But it's this thing called the mind that is the wants to just go and react
Not gonna do it

Eva father and mother taking her to the movie and out to eat
Let's pray they treat her with love and adventure

I pray she has an awesome da
May she learn something from Heavenly Father

A day for my granddaughter
Let's see if the adults can get their act together
She wants to go to the movies forget the title came out yesterday
And out to ear
Lest see
Let's see
So that's how the mind started
After my meditation
Will need to return to it
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Old 08-15-2017, 06:41 AM #525
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Default Never made it to the movies

Have they become stranger to her
Or like with her BFF gone took off yesterday
Got up did not make her bed
Took a shower
Got dressed
Seen the last time out for a few days came home with nails and toes do
Am I crazy or what
Returned for the night
Called while out saying won't be home
Going to shore and period
Said
Love you and hung up
Saturday my grandchild didn't want to go"
Cried
"I don't want to go
It was just the two of us
And I don't want her to be unhappy
She really did not want to go
She is way closer than I ever imagined
It's been weeks since she was in their company
Actually months the summer was a wash
It really stinks
Go all I can when home
But not good
A movie she wants to a see
Doesn't want to with them
It's sad but only do what I can
She can't wait for school
That's great
Gets to be among her friends
Develop in a area socializing
It makes me cry
Just cry
Me
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Old 08-25-2017, 06:29 AM #526
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Default Having this feeling

As much as I try it just won't leave
I meditate and put myself into a position of prayer
Everything will be okay for I am to listen and live
Knowing it's all taken care of
And that no matter how I would love it all to be
That only my wish and my will but have to understand it was doesn't work that way
All I have to do is whisper his name
I cannot loose myself anymore
I am not going to be a doormat to anyone
It is something I want to empower myself with
Be strong enough to say enough
And not let anyone steal my thunder
Why do I do that
Why do I always give the benefit of the doubt to habitual lier
What is wrong with me
It be what I allow to happen it isn't anyone else's fault
Only mine
I am someone who was meant to teach
It is a natural gift I have
I am the go to person
My sister struggling with my only nephew who does not believe
No belief system
And this just came out
I had this conversation with her about how only one of my four children believe
And that be my granddaughters mother

My granddaughter in my care since a infant
She will start 1st grade gifted
And the routine we have before she gets to use ANY OF HER ELECTRONICS or even to watch TV
I ask her to pick any book she wants and we have a good selection of books to pick from
And like I began saying
The routine is she reads from a book and explain to me what it is she read
She understands to ask herself
Who
What
Where
When
How and
Why
To cover all the bases
I also found that when reading she gets it better in beat syllables
And it just flows
If she becomes a advid reader she will have a love of words
Estranged from my eldest who claiming to miss her mom
Is a real poet
Published and all
In tournaments for bragging rights but you get the picture
The love of words
A gift
And I'm trying and see she loves it
Depression hits me through my day
I look around and say
This is not what I want for myself
I want to travel
You know take a trip
Even just for a few days
Financial not capable
Having to live on a very low fixed income
Pay my obligations and left with zippo
Unable to even stuff envelopes
But I make it work
But for the grace of God and my knowledge since little

It's having this feeling pop in through my day
I want it to stop
This be my wish
Love
Me

Forgot to mention the book she chooses to read is her Bible
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Last edited by eva5667faliure; 08-25-2017 at 07:58 AM.
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Old 08-25-2017, 08:15 PM #527
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
As much as I try it just won't leave
I meditate and put myself into a position of prayer
Everything will be okay for I am to listen and live
Knowing it's all taken care of
And that no matter how I would love it all to be
That only my wish and my will but have to understand it was doesn't work that way
All I have to do is whisper his name
I cannot loose myself anymore
I am not going to be a doormat to anyone
It is something I want to empower myself with
Be strong enough to say enough
And not let anyone steal my thunder
Why do I do that
Why do I always give the benefit of the doubt to habitual lier
What is wrong with me
It be what I allow to happen it isn't anyone else's fault
Only mine
I am someone who was meant to teach
It is a natural gift I have
I am the go to person
My sister struggling with my only nephew who does not believe
No belief system
And this just came out
I had this conversation with her about how only one of my four children believe
And that be my granddaughters mother

My granddaughter in my care since a infant
She will start 1st grade gifted
And the routine we have before she gets to use ANY OF HER ELECTRONICS or even to watch TV
I ask her to pick any book she wants and we have a good selection of books to pick from
And like I began saying
The routine is she reads from a book and explain to me what it is she read
She understands to ask herself
Who
What
Where
When
How and
Why
To cover all the bases
I also found that when reading she gets it better in beat syllables
And it just flows
If she becomes a advid reader she will have a love of words
Estranged from my eldest who claiming to miss her mom
Is a real poet
Published and all
In tournaments for bragging rights but you get the picture
The love of words
A gift
And I'm trying and see she loves it
Depression hits me through my day
I look around and say
This is not what I want for myself
I want to travel
You know take a trip
Even just for a few days
Financial not capable
Having to live on a very low fixed income
Pay my obligations and left with zippo
Unable to even stuff envelopes
But I make it work
But for the grace of God and my knowledge since little

It's having this feeling pop in through my day
I want it to stop
This be my wish
Love
Me

Forgot to mention the book she chooses to read is her Bible

Eva, the reward tho not in dollars; is a beautiful little girl who is so fortunate to have you for a grandmother. She is a gift from God.

Love & Prayers,

Gerry
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Old 08-26-2017, 07:36 PM #528
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Default She is it all

"She" is it all
As there is a rug she pretends to use as a take off point
She pretends to fly
I see her kneeling
Asks me
Are you okay
I tell her yes she says
Good it worked
I ask her what she did
She says I prayed that you get better
The best the best
Can't get enough of her
She is doing awesome with her reading she does it in beats and loves it
I think she's hooked when we do it like that
Loving her
Amen
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Old 09-06-2017, 07:30 PM #529
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Default My child left

It's been a horrible summer
My 19 year old taking flight
May have been home in total a week in 3months
I have nothing good to say other than
I fear that phone call
She is entertaining sex drugs unprotected drinking
I haven't spoken a word of it till now praying all would calm and we could with a prayer and hope she would come to her senses
Not the case
Alone I am with Eva
Tomorrow she starts first grade

I start the morning getting her ready at six
My gums are swollen
My teeth always been in excelllant condition
Something is going on with this body not for the better
I need to see a vascular doctor
My hands and feet are just out of control
In the morning my toes both feet white until I massage them same as hands veins swelling and popping
I am falling apart
Since oncologist stopped tamoxifen
There has been a discharge I never had
Never having an issue of that kind ever I've been very lucky till now
All of me just wants to disappear
I can't eva needs me for as long as Heavenly Father keeps me alive
Till then
My eyes and face swollen from the tears
I'm utterly confused and terribly horribly sad
Me
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Old 09-07-2017, 01:48 AM #530
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Default It's so hard

So hard
I cannot sleep
It's so hard
Me
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