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Waiting for my last breath

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Old 08-02-2017, 08:28 AM   #41
eva5667faliure
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Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,301
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default I do not understand

Why released so soon and there be no buddy system
Someone assigned to them to go to their home drug test them
Have to be working or go to school like my youngest
I cannot get through the adult school
A job I would hope
Or learn how to drive the car
I am told by the child who just tried to kill herself and leave a message to Corissa my youngest
To tell her daughter
"I Love her"
I M so fin angry I want to shake the crap out of her
Then to tell me because she is home as if nothing already
Can see no changes just missing mommy
I have some work to do hoping I can get her to start
Somewhere
A n I'm ordered to her exact words
"I hope you come down on her like you just came done in me"
That be knock it off
Knock it off and get you crap together
And be a mother you say you want to be but pull this turd over and over again
Cause you say I can't do it
There is NO I CANT
one either goes or doesn't
Like my youngest
She can be on her phone with all the social friends
But not school
So I will get all info hand it to her and if she doesn't do anything with it
The part time job she's getting ASAP
WILL BECOME FULL TIME
BUT YO BE ORDERED
I ant to punch the turd out of her
Went to the doctor yesterday
I need a vascular doctor
Nothing he can do
Money spent I needed
As I'm taking away from money for my meds
Done
Me
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Old 08-03-2017, 10:23 AM   #42
ger715
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,067
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Heart

Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
Why released so soon and there be no buddy system
Someone assigned to them to go to their home drug test them
Have to be working or go to school like my youngest
I cannot get through the adult school
A job I would hope
Or learn how to drive the car
I am told by the child who just tried to kill herself and leave a message to Corissa my youngest
To tell her daughter
"I Love her"
I M so fin angry I want to shake the crap out of her
Then to tell me because she is home as if nothing already
Can see no changes just missing mommy
I have some work to do hoping I can get her to start
Somewhere
A n I'm ordered to her exact words
"I hope you come down on her like you just came done in me"
That be knock it off
Knock it off and get you crap together
And be a mother you say you want to be but pull this turd over and over again
Cause you say I can't do it
There is NO I CANT
one either goes or doesn't
Like my youngest
She can be on her phone with all the social friends
But not school
So I will get all info hand it to her and if she doesn't do anything with it
The part time job she's getting ASAP
WILL BECOME FULL TIME
BUT YO BE ORDERED
I ant to punch the turd out of her
Went to the doctor yesterday
I need a vascular doctor
Nothing he can do
Money spent I needed
As I'm taking away from money for my meds
Done
Me

Heartbreaking;
God knows all things.....
Prayers for you and family,

Gerry
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Old 08-04-2017, 06:21 AM   #43
eva5667faliure
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Default The same I say

As I put it out there
God as you are the only one who know the truth
Amen
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Old 08-08-2017, 07:50 AM   #44
eva5667faliure
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Location: new jersey
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My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default Now my sister

Researching how to knot a noose
I tell no lies
It one thing after another
After another
After another
No problem
Dust saying
Won't do it and every single one
Needs me
"Please don't leave us Eva"
"It's always been you who took care of us"
"When I forget how we gave ourselves fun all I have to do is call you, you remember so much"
she tells me again if I don't tell you
"I always loved you and knew you were always there for me"
"Okay so if I have to stick around for you
You need to do the same"
Deals heck of a morning woke at 5:00 AM
Me
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Old 08-10-2017, 08:27 AM   #45
eva5667faliure
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Default And a memory I wish...

I could have seen it as I do now
I was young
And at that time in the early Seventies
Prosthetic hardware such as one my father would be using
An amputee as a young man and put him in life long depression and it never a issue seeing him with a missing leg
But my point
The leg he had to wear was manican like
Carved wood moulded plastic
He called it his wooden leg
He would put a special sock on the stumps and put it in a hollow opening then wrapped a belt around his waist

And here is the story I'm ashamed of today
Even though he was mental sickness and physical trials I did not understand

I was young and he took me my best friend and her sister and boyfriend
My father was drunk but happy drunk
I was not comfortable as he did not like that my girlfriends sister and boyfriend were kissing
A no no
Back to a hand I should have extended
He took us ice skating
And he decided he was going to ice skate
I was so embarrassed begging my mother to pick me up crying like a baby
Never until thinking about it today
Rather then help him try to skate hold his hand I was thinking about myself
Not how all he wanted was to have fun and I should have extended my hands out to him
He had the nerve to put them on and have some fun that not what I did or felt
And I'm sorry for that
So sorry
Me
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Old 09-29-2017, 08:42 AM   #46
eva5667faliure
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My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default You piece of turd

You better be taking care of your grandchildren
Who are living
And the ones who didn't make it
You make me sick today
Sick
I will never throw in the towel
Like you did
The only joy I have in my life
My granddaughter
My children
My two sisters
Nephew
I let many go to do a job I wanted to take on
They have been shorted in life by their fathers
They abandoned them when they were babies
Just to spite me
They left them
And
As you robbed me of my natural process to becoming a young woman
You violated me and my sister
F****d us up
As my baby sister had to see the gun you killed yourself with
Today I wish I could have pulled the trigger
Todays new pain is just to much
Another reason why I hate you today
You better be watching over them babies who never made it in this family
You lowlife coward
Do your F*****g job
I did my best
God forgive us and the terrible choices we make because we try to fill that void that ONLY YOU KNOW
Only to suffer
And suffer
I gave up what only you know Father
I could not be a father to my girls
Nor not know how to be a father to my son
I am sure you are pleased at most of my child rearing
I feel good about the job I did
But we all suffer "THAT VOID"
And I know what it's like to dedicate my all
Good bad or indifferent
But as for my crappy father
Make him work
And take care of the babies that didn't make it in this family
Me
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Last edited by eva5667faliure; 09-29-2017 at 09:05 AM.
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