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Old 11-06-2016, 09:52 PM   #1
thelonely1
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Trig Hopeless Rage

I've come to expect misery in life. I know that tomorrow won't actually be brighter. I know I have no choice but to struggle to survive every day. I know that there is virtually zero chance of me ever living a happy life, it's not likely I'll find love, it's not likely I'll ever have enough money to stop working. I will certainly never have a job that I enjoy or even find the slightest bit of fulfillment in.

I know all this, and so it's easy for me to sigh and keep slogging on, my own jaded mind protecting me from the pain. What's hard is knowing that no one else takes it that easily. They all still feel the pain. ALL the pain. And I will never be able to do anything about it. I can listen, and empathize, and understand every word, and the pain will still be there. The hopelessness. The despair. I have no advice because I never found a way to make it stop.

The country sucks. The WORLD sucks. The innocent people just trying to live their own lives will always be taken advantage of by someone greedier, more selfish, and more powerful. The only thing I have is my hopeless rage, and no one I can hit to make it better (legally ). The only power I have is what I can generate with my own hands, and that's worthless the vast majority of the time. Unless I am physically witnessing an unlawful act I am powerless. I can't fight the bigotry or sexism of the world. I can't fight the corrupt politicians who lie and cheat and steal and even kill to get whatever they want, I can't fight the justice system that they buy their way out of, and I can't fight the democratic or republican parties who couldn't care less about the country and willingly created this travesty of an election.

And even if by some incomprehensible means the unjust are cast down from power, how long will it take for them to corrupt the new system? And even in a perfect government the world will be full of rapists and murderers, and people who will do anything for their own benefit. It's disgusting that any of this is allowed to happen, but it all is allowed, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I can't stand the way the world is. It literally makes me suicidal whenever I think about it. I can only ***** at the internet and hope someone more powerful agrees...
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Old 11-07-2016, 10:03 AM   #2
bizi
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Thank you for posting here.
You are cared about and worried for while you are away.
This is a terrible election year, so much divisiveness.
I am holding my nose and voting this year.
are you exercising?
Just taking walks helps produce good endorphins to feel better and it is so good for our mental/physical well being. We should walk everyday.
Do you have any pets to love on? pet therapy is really a joyous thing. Are you doing any volunteer work even for just a couple hours a week to distract yourself?
I am sorry you are this upset with the world. It sounds a bit OCD, do you suffer with this? They make meds that help with OCD type thinking. It is called luvox.
Wishing some happiness.
I hope for you.
Maybe your faith can help you.
bizi
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one day at a time....
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Old 11-07-2016, 02:59 PM   #3
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Hello Lonely1: I'm sorry you are experiencing so much despair. I'm afraid I feel much the same way you do most of the time. I'm an older person now. And I pretty-much just keep to myself. I have no use for this world & basically nothing offer it. On the other hand, I do also understand that this is simply my own jaded perspective. So I feel like if I just keep to myself, & stay out of other people's way, that is enough. And, in the process, I simply strive to take care of myself.
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Old 11-07-2016, 04:05 PM   #4
eva5667faliure
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thelonely1 View Post
I've come to expect misery in life. I know that tomorrow won't actually be brighter. I know I have no choice but to struggle to survive every day. I know that there is virtually zero chance of me ever living a happy life, it's not likely I'll find love, it's not likely I'll ever have enough money to stop working. I will certainly never have a job that I enjoy or even find the slightest bit of fulfillment in.

I know all this, and so it's easy for me to sigh and keep slogging on, my own jaded mind protecting me from the pain. What's hard is knowing that no one else takes it that easily. They all still feel the pain. ALL the pain. And I will never be able to do anything about it. I can listen, and empathize, and understand every word, and the pain will still be there. The hopelessness. The despair. I have no advice because I never found a way to make it stop.

The country sucks. The WORLD sucks. The innocent people just trying to live their own lives will always be taken advantage of by someone greedier, more selfish, and more powerful. The only thing I have is my hopeless rage, and no one I can hit to make it better (legally ). The only power I have is what I can generate with my own hands, and that's worthless the vast majority of the time. Unless I am physically witnessing an unlawful act I am powerless. I can't fight the bigotry or sexism of the world. I can't fight the corrupt politicians who lie and cheat and steal and even kill to get whatever they want, I can't fight the justice system that they buy their way out of, and I can't fight the democratic or republican parties who couldn't care less about the country and willingly created this travesty of an election.

And even if by some incomprehensible means the unjust are cast down from power, how long will it take for them to corrupt the new system? And even in a perfect government the world will be full of rapists and murderers, and people who will do anything for their own benefit. It's disgusting that any of this is allowed to happen, but it all is allowed, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I can't stand the way the world is. It literally makes me suicidal whenever I think about it. I can only ***** at the internet and hope someone more powerful agrees...
You got my vote
Take care as best you can
Me
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Old 11-10-2016, 11:27 PM   #5
thelonely1
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Sorry, I shouldn't post here. I'm not helpful to this community, I can't help anyone, and I can't be helped. I try not to post anything because I know I can only hinder, but sometimes the world is so bad....

I don't have OCD, and if I did, I don't have the money to go to a doctor. I've tried before... anti depressants, anti anxiety meds, anything that could theoretically cover up my sad reality. None of it works. After the pills are gone, the world is still s***, I have even less money, and I hate the world even more. Pets don't make me any better, exercise doesn't make it better. I try so hard to keep it to myself, not to bring anyone down with me, but there's no escape, no relief, and the pain only gets worse with time.

I need to die. Why am I still struggling here? I'm useless to the world, and it's useless to me. I can sit here alone and suffer forever, occasionally throwing fits like this, making other people try to help even though I know they can't, causing stress, and pain and nothing else.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come back, I just have no one to talk to.
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Old 11-10-2016, 11:56 PM   #6
bizi
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I am glad that you are posting. This is a great place to vent and get things off your chest.
Thank you for trusting us.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
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This is harriet, my sweet baby girl.....
heavy sigh.....
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one day at a time....
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Old 11-11-2016, 04:21 AM   #7
kiwi33
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Lonely, thank you for sharing your thoughts here - just to echo what others have said, you are with friends - nobody will judge you.

I have sometimes felt despair as well so maybe I have some understanding of how you are feeling.

One thing which has helped me is to reflect on recent things which I have enjoyed. They could be anything, eg "I felt good about doing something well in my day job. I found a very interesting article on the Web. I had fun listening to some music. I enjoyed watching some kids playing in a park.".

Your list may well be very different to mine which is fine.

This is just a thought but maybe come up with your own list - it might help you.

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Old 11-13-2016, 08:19 AM   #8
OhKay
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Lonely1,

You have many justifiable reasons to feel hopeless and angry. I think that there are many people in this country that share some of those same feelings right now, but it sounds like your feelings run a lot deeper than that, and are an extension of the hurt and despair you have already been feeling

I know that you want to help others, and that is a wonderful thing
But it is hard to see all the horrors of this world and accept that we are powerless to intervene. Although this may prove difficult, I suggest staying away from the news. It's going to make things worse for you.

You are not a member of this community to just provide support, you are a member to receive support when you need it, too

My hope is that you will reach out to a friend or family and discuss your feelings with them because sometimes just talking helps. Then, try to find a glimmer of light somewhere in this darkness to focus on if you can to keep you going
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Old 12-19-2016, 07:03 PM   #9
thelonely1
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I will try to come and tell you when I feel this this broken, but it's so hard when so many people are so corrupt, and nobody wants to acknowledge how corrupt they are. The whole fu***ng world is a worthless waste of human space that is claiming they know what is best for humanity, when all they actually want to do is impose their worthless opinion on everyone else.

I'm sorry I can't accept this world for what it actually is.
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Old 12-20-2016, 09:03 AM   #10
OhKay
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I wish I could say that I disagree with you, but I don't.

I do disagree with you on one point though… this world is not a "waste of human space". Most people want to be good, most people try to be good, and most people are essentially good…
When you focus too much on the 24 hour news cycle all those good people become invisible and all you start to see is those piece of **** people they throw at you through the radio and TV.

When you start to lose hope thelonely1, please start looking for some good. It's out there.
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