Sam,
So many of us ask these questions. Most of us rely on faith in God. He will let us know all things when the time comes.

At difficult time in my life; I was told by someone very dear to stretch my hands out and "give it all to God". (That was over 20 years ago; I still do this every night.) He can handle whatever it is so much better. The hard part is our letting go. We ask His help; then most of the time, we take over because He just does not seem to be giving us the answer we want.

In the meantime, He has given us "free will" and "free choice". He is trying to prepare us. I'm glad to learn you do go to Church. Sometimes, it just feels good to sit there when almost no one is in the Church. There is a closeness that may help us to open ourselves to Him.

Sam, thank you for coming here and sharing.


Gerry

Thank you, Gerry.


You mention he is trying to prepare us. What is he trying to prepare us for? Heaven?

My brain over thinks a lot of things... and makes stuff hard to understand.

Dear Sam,

I remember being more burdened by these kinds of questions at your age (I'm 36 now) because at that time I was truly starting to try to find my place in this world. My life was hard. It was very difficult to deal with the world inside and the world outside at once. I can sympathize with you, Sam

I hope that as you develop more and deeper connections to others and start to see a path for yourself in life that these questions will feel less pressing, that you will feel less emptiness. I know that will take time though

I'm glad that you have faith in God. Sometimes its hard to have faith in His plan, but please try

As a side note:
Did you discontinue your anti-seizure meds under the advice of your neurologist or another doctor?

Thanks Ohkay,

I discontinued under the advice of my neurologist. It wasn't hurting or benefiting me, it was doing nothing.


Never actually found out what was the cause of my depersonalization, I just still live with it.. I'm used to it now so it doesn't bother me too much.

Sam,
I truly believe each day our experiences are preparing us for what lies ahead in our lives here on earth as well as our final path. This is where our free will and the choices we make come to the surface.

Even tho you may not see this as a plus; as you continue to grow, you look back and are able to view things so differently, you may often wonder "where did this idea come from??? It is somewhere in your memory bank and/or sometimes we may even feel it is God's way of sharing our lives.

Gerry

I'm glad you have a neuro who supported your decision.
I'm of the same mind, Sam...

I don't take any of the MS meds because they haven't helped me in the past, which is not a surprise because of the type of MS I have, and I won't take anything I know won't benefit me.

I just researched more on MS, and I seem to have a lot of symptoms that match up with it. How did you get you're MS diagnosed?


I probably wont even tell my doctor, because he would think I'm crazy. Basically everyone thinks I'm 100% healthy. But I still have those underlying symptoms that I live with everyday. (I just ignore them)

I was diagnosed based on my medical history, neurological exam, and an MRI of my brain and spinal cord after other conditions with similar symptoms were first ruled out. I have Progressive MS (which is rare), so my problems accumulated over time, beginning with escalating sensory and balance problems. I was diagnosed about 10 years after my symptoms began because the connection wasn't made until my tremor started getting worse and I started having more motor problems.

The majority of people who have MS have Relapsing Remitting MS, and have relapses/episodes where symptoms appear for a period of time and mostly go away when inflammation goes down. In addition to progressive disease, I also have relapses. As far as which symptoms stay, which disappear, and to what degree, is different for everybody.

I understand that you have questions, and I don't want to be insensitive, but I'm going to be completely honest: I'm not really comfortable with the "Do I have MS?" question for several reasons, but there is an MS forum here on NeuroTalk, where they are probably all more knowledgeable and up to date on their information and research than I am.

My best advice is to consider the symptoms you are having based on whether or not they are neurological vs. comparing them to a list of MS symptoms. If you are having neurological symptoms they are worth mentioning to the neurologist you were seeing for treatment of your epilepsy.

I REALLY hope you do not have MS.
Good luck Sam

Another update..


I feel horrible right now. Recently when I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself at all. It's so hard for me to believe that the kid I see IS ME. Does not make sense.


I just don't know. I don't belong here at all. I have no purpose in being on this earth. The only thing I want to do is join the military, so I can protect other lives that matter because mine doesn't. And make real friends, because the kids around me are liars and backstabbers.


This whole high school thing just isint for me. I'm so anti social. I was going to go to the dance coming up with a friend of mine, but she just canceled last minute and decided to go with another guy. This is EXACTLY why I don't trust NOBODY. And why I have ZERO friends because they all treat me like ****.


Wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. Things would be so peaceful. I'm so tired and stressed and just have no motivation.......

I am sorry she canceled at the last minute.
That was really poor on her part.
((((HUGS))))
bizi