[PamelaJune]

I can't help but wonder on occasion where we would be if he hadn't taken a gun to his poor head. It will be 25 year soon and I still have dreams as if he were still here. Would we have overcome the challenges together, I hope so, I pray we would have. Life would have been good, we would have been happy and love would have surrounded us. Never forgotten HWW III, so sad you chose to follow in the footsteps of your own dad HWW II.

[bizi]

very similar to my brothers actions some 23 years ago.
It is very sad.
sorry that you still suffer. All survivors suffer, glad that you came here.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Lara]

Thinking of you both.

“At the temple there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone.
It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out.
You cannot read loss, only feel it.”

― Arthur Golden

[eva5667faliure]

Originally Posted by PamelaJune

I can't help but wonder on occasion where we would be if he hadn't taken a gun to his poor head. It will be 25 year soon and I still have dreams as if he were still here. Would we have overcome the challenges together, I hope so, I pray we would have. Life would have been good, we would have been happy and love would have surrounded us. Never forgotten HWW III, so sad you chose to follow in the footsteps of your own dad HWW II.

oh Pam
the same thaught goes through my own head
he
my father took a gun to his heart
in one of the two cars
around the corner of the home he ans my mother purchased together
he was forty seven
i'm fifty three
wonder about all the "what ifs"
i relate
and am sorry
it left me in a mess
me

[PamelaJune]

Finding me posted in General mental health & emotional support
I’ve grappled where to post this topic of my husband after 25years has left me. So it’s painful, but not like the chronic pain I suffer from. It’s depressing and while I acknowledge I have depression it’s about a journey from depression to living a full life again, nor is it a topic for alcohol, addiction and recovery. Well it is, but it’s no longer my need to document his journey backwards. But I openly admit there have been times in the past 2 weeks where I have wished I was not here and I’ve googled the painkillers and medications I have and what could / would be the outcome. But I know suicide is not an option, I know of the loss, heartbreak and pain it causes. As much as it would ease my pain, it would cause unbearable pain for those left behind.

So, I’ve opted for the forum General mental health & emotional support, I hope and pray NT’rs can continue to help me and offer support as I embark on this journey to finding me. I’ve used other forums on here and have always taken comfort in knowing I could turn to NT and the emotional support I need right now. I need to be able to write my journey and have advice and support from the community I turn to in need. I am need of emotional support. https://www.neurotalk.org/forum85/

I have no idea how to move forward in terms of making a life, making arrangements to be sure I am financially secure. And as I keep telling my family who tell me how easy it all is. I am supposed to be in hospital, I am phycisally unwell from recent major surgery with severe complications, I cannot bend or twist. I am emotionally ill, I’m suffering with severe depression and anxiety so my mental health is also unstable. I’m trying to work from home so I can at least have some semblance of income come in, but I’m struggling to work and concentrate, I’m struggling with just living. Some days I eat, others barely anything at all. I have cared for this man for 25 years, I have put his needs before mine always, I was the good wife. Now I’m just a fool, discarded when I am at my weakest.

So I’m asking you to join me on another forum and share your experiences and advice as I move forward. I understand if it’s too hard a topic for some of you to join me on and if you are unable to do so, please know, the advice and love you have shared with me over these last years will always be treasured.