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01-19-2017, 09:23 PM | #1 | ||
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Member
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Hello everyone,
For those who don't remember me, or don't know who I am, I am Sam and am now 16 years old. I had a thread called "suicidal thoughts always there in the back of my head" It has now been 3 years since I hit my head and got a concussion. And to be honest, I feel the exact same. I STILL have depersonalization, and still when I look in the mirror I don't see myself. I am off all medications, (finally!) because they were doing more harm then good. All I take is fish oil and a few other vitamins and minerals. I just live my every day life pretending I have no symptoms, which seems to somehow work. Instead of posting again on my old thread, I decided to make a new one, because my symptoms and life has changed. I guess you could say I'm back to normal on the outside. I go to school, get A's and B's, socialize, then come home do my homework and play videogames. It's a never ending cycle. But on the inside, I am empty. I wonder every single day why am I here? Where is God? And I just cannot physically wrap my brain around this world we live in. I am just so numb. And occasional I consider ending it all, but I don't because it is a sin as it says in the bible. I love god, but I don't understand where he is right now, and how this all started, and what is the point? We go to school, to get a job, to get money, then retire and sit on a bench and watch the cars go by? There is NO point to life. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (01-19-2017), DejaVu (10-09-2018), eva5667faliure (01-20-2017), ger715 (01-21-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-19-2017, 11:53 PM | #2 | |||
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Wisest Elder Ever
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The point is that we should love with all of our hearts and make ourselves happy as that is an inside job. No one can do that for us.
I am glad to hear that you are better. Thank you for posting. Do you attend church? peace be with you. (((((HUGS))))) bizi
__________________
. Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer..... Happiness is a decision.... 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night I will not give up in this weight loss journey, nor this need to be AF. 3-19-13=156, 6-7-13=139, 8-19-13=149, 11-12-13=140, 6-28-14=157, 7-24-14=149, 9-24-14=144, 1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 4-21-15=143, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=145, 11-1-15=137, 11-29-15=143, 1-4-16=152, 1-26-16=144, 2-24-16=150, 8-15-16=163, 1-4-17=169, 9-20-17=174, 11-17-17=185.6, 3-22-18=167.9, 8-31-18= 176.3, 3-6-19=190.8 5-30-20=176, 1-4-21=202, 10-4-21= 200.8,12-10-21=186, 3-26-22=180.3, 7-30-22=188, 10-15-22=180.9, |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | DejaVu (10-09-2018), ger715 (01-21-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), SamG11 (01-20-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-20-2017, 10:42 AM | #3 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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you speak of Heavenly Father a good thing may you feel his arms wrapped around you i'm soon to be 56 and still don't know why but i have to believe and i have experienced the Spirit may You too get the goose bumps be well young man so proud of you remember you matter love me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | DejaVu (10-09-2018), ger715 (01-22-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), SamG11 (01-20-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-20-2017, 08:44 PM | #4 | ||
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Member
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Hey bizi, I do attend church, and I always feel good after. However, I am still left with so many questions that I wish I could just ask the creator himself. How did this all happen? Why are innocent people being killed? What is the point of all this? I also find it troubling that if you think of it, we are just a spec of dust in this universe. It is so large that we don't even matter, almost like we don't even exist. Which then leads me to my dark thoughts... |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (01-20-2017), DejaVu (10-09-2018), eva5667faliure (01-21-2017), ger715 (01-22-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-20-2017, 10:04 PM | #5 | |||
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Wisest Elder Ever
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This is why we get to create our lives....choose to do the things that we do. Make friends and work at relationships...people are what is important. relationship are what matter. Family and friends. These relationships make or break your life.
Work on them. they are precious like you. (((((HUGS))))) bizi
__________________
. Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer..... Happiness is a decision.... 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night I will not give up in this weight loss journey, nor this need to be AF. 3-19-13=156, 6-7-13=139, 8-19-13=149, 11-12-13=140, 6-28-14=157, 7-24-14=149, 9-24-14=144, 1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 4-21-15=143, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=145, 11-1-15=137, 11-29-15=143, 1-4-16=152, 1-26-16=144, 2-24-16=150, 8-15-16=163, 1-4-17=169, 9-20-17=174, 11-17-17=185.6, 3-22-18=167.9, 8-31-18= 176.3, 3-6-19=190.8 5-30-20=176, 1-4-21=202, 10-4-21= 200.8,12-10-21=186, 3-26-22=180.3, 7-30-22=188, 10-15-22=180.9, |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | DejaVu (10-09-2018), ger715 (01-22-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), SamG11 (01-22-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-21-2017, 08:04 AM | #6 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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you know i'm a mommy to four children they are in their three in their early thirties my last soon to be nineteen and this past year we all as a family sat at the dining room table so very proud of them with all the struggles they are going through not tiny stuff point i looked at them all and then to my grandchild and thought for a nano second what did i do i did this to them and as quickly as i thought that another thought came to mind to thank Heavenly Father allowing me to be trusted to raise my babies i did my very best this my Sammy has nothing to do with me as they too find themselves in this vast place we call earth to know we one by one the sum of all Bizi hit the nail on the head you matter in every way you may not think this right now you MATTER in every way your strength to have the courage to express what you have already to be articulate as you already exhibit make no mistake if i am moved by you many others are too your existence was not in your control you were chosen and if there is one person that gets you and i do know we have a purpose you get to pick and choose who you allow into your world only you know you deep in truth in your gut listen to the words God grant me the Serenity to Accept the thing i Cannot change the Courage to change the things "I" Can and the Wisdom to understand the Difference this applies to all of us absorb its hidden meaning you become the best you want to be and you are by far on your way one thing Sammy remember crap happens i too wonder why do babies need to suffer as i have seen when in the hospital with my babies and then i thought do the parents see the why us as i have said many times in the end it is ALWAYS to turn it over to Heavenly Father and know he rules and has a purpose for every single tiny spec that flies we are the sum of all brave you are on so many levels one thing Sammy it is a goo thing to go out of your comfort zone what i mean by that like music class school newspaper i wish i had someone who could have taken me under their wing when i was your age the scary thing is i left my home at 17 very abnormal home and parents and i had no control over them or what was happening with all i would like to say to you i think i said enough you are someone as tiny as you feel love you for who you are always turn whatever situations you find out of your control in his hand Heavenly Father and know you did all you could stay strong school i pray you find some joy in it will be over soon and if you choose higher education on your side Sammy always love from the little girl inside that feels your pain
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | DejaVu (10-09-2018), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), SamG11 (01-22-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-22-2017, 12:15 AM | #7 | ||
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Magnate
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Sam,
So many of us ask these questions. Most of us rely on faith in God. He will let us know all things when the time comes. At difficult time in my life; I was told by someone very dear to stretch my hands out and "give it all to God". (That was over 20 years ago; I still do this every night.) He can handle whatever it is so much better. The hard part is our letting go. We ask His help; then most of the time, we take over because He just does not seem to be giving us the answer we want. In the meantime, He has given us "free will" and "free choice". He is trying to prepare us. I'm glad to learn you do go to Church. Sometimes, it just feels good to sit there when almost no one is in the Church. There is a closeness that may help us to open ourselves to Him. Sam, thank you for coming here and sharing. Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (01-22-2017), DejaVu (10-09-2018), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), SamG11 (01-22-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017), Wren (01-22-2017) |
01-22-2017, 10:16 PM | #8 | ||
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Member
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Thank you, Gerry. You mention he is trying to prepare us. What is he trying to prepare us for? Heaven? My brain over thinks a lot of things... and makes stuff hard to understand. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (01-22-2017), ger715 (01-24-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-23-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-23-2017, 08:23 AM | #9 | |||
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Elder
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Dear Sam,
I remember being more burdened by these kinds of questions at your age (I'm 36 now) because at that time I was truly starting to try to find my place in this world. My life was hard. It was very difficult to deal with the world inside and the world outside at once. I can sympathize with you, Sam I hope that as you develop more and deeper connections to others and start to see a path for yourself in life that these questions will feel less pressing, that you will feel less emptiness. I know that will take time though I'm glad that you have faith in God. Sometimes its hard to have faith in His plan, but please try As a side note: Did you discontinue your anti-seizure meds under the advice of your neurologist or another doctor? |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (01-23-2017), DejaVu (10-09-2018), ger715 (01-24-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017), SamG11 (01-24-2017), St George 2013 (01-23-2017) |
01-24-2017, 08:31 PM | #10 | ||
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Member
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Thanks Ohkay, I discontinued under the advice of my neurologist. It wasn't hurting or benefiting me, it was doing nothing. Never actually found out what was the cause of my depersonalization, I just still live with it.. I'm used to it now so it doesn't bother me too much. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (01-24-2017), DejaVu (10-09-2018), eva5667faliure (07-22-2017), ger715 (01-24-2017), Littlepaw (01-30-2017), OhKay (01-25-2017), PurpleFoot721 (02-05-2017) |
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