There's our girl!

You know BJ, moi is right, it does take guts to stay alive! You have a lot of hard work ahead of you and we're all here pulling for you.

Of course you're tired...depression is exhausting as is fighting for your life.
I admire you so much to doing this!!

BJ,

I was just a few years ago that i was in the hosptial at this time of the year, fighting the demons in my life and trying to find a reason to stay alive... I remember it so clearly. If i can do it so can you. Its not easy, but i know you'll tap into that strength that is inside of you and you'll come through this experience a stronger person. We love you..... {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
vicky

BJ

Hopefully, those pedals WILL fall off. That is what autumn is for. We ALL fall down sometimes.

All you can do is dust yourself off, take a bath, then go back out to play again until you take another tumble. It's the only way to learn how to walk on your own.

I'm trying so hard Kathy you have no idea. I wish it was just so easy as dusting myself off and starting all over again. There's something inside of me that's eating at me. Believe me I want to go home. I want to work in my garden, I want to see Benton, I want to feed my ferals. I want to be me.

In hindsight it would have been so much easier if I had done "it". Everything was all lined up, ready to take. But now I'm living this nightmare and talking and talking and I'm so worn out.

I did manage to get out for 2 hours today. I went out to lunch with a girl from work. I really felt like running for the hills. But I know and realize I'm unstable.

I only have one choice and I just signed the consent for it. Please God if you're listening make this work.

But I hope you won't feel any less of me for doing this.

I'm not wondering but I wonder if you don't mind if I leave for the room.

I don't have enough words for you (((BJ))). I'm just always very glad to see you post and catch up. I hope your consent is for something that will heal you.

I want to encourage you to continue being brave....
you will get through this....
you really will.
I am crossing my fingers for you that "that" will help.... and you will be feeling better as a result...soon.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

BJ...I am saying a little prayer here that you are signing a consent for ECT treatment. You're body has been so resistant to drug theraphy and I know the medical field has made great strides in shock theraphy...it isn't the nightmare of "One Flew Over the Cookoos Nest".

What ever helps you is the path for you to take!! You are a brave girl and I want to keep you in my life. Keeping you in my prayers and in my heart.

My time is almost up but yes it's ECT. I'm so embarassed to say this. But nothing seems to be helping. I hope this will do the trick. I'm scheduled for 5 starting tomorrow at 7:30AM.

I'm so afraid because I know there's a lot of side effects from this. But I felt there's no way out since I can't take anti-ds.

I can't thank you all enough. I don't know what I would have done without you guys. Well yes I do, I would have done "it". But as of this day, I'm still here, tired but here.

Please do not be embarrassed by this BJ...you won't be the first person to be helped by this and yes, side effects difffer with different people,,memory loss short term or longer for others but I'm sure you've been told all this.

You are doing the right thing! Have to say again how much I admire you.
Love, Alffe

ect could be answer and can help. yes it does have possible sude effects that can be adverse. but bj, side effects don't happen to everyone. you are doing what is right for you bj.

like alffe, i admire you. you keep reaching out for help. we will always be here.

rest well my friend. you are in my prayers.

for everyone. we are such strength in numbers.