He's maintaining.

He was very upset and had been spiraling. Sometimes he's able to grab a focus and hold onto it and that's what he's so good at doing. It's helped him many times.

When he goes, I'm the one who takes him. He needs a support with him but also he doesn't drive...lost license many years ago.

He's promised, and has kept that promise, that if it gets too much he'll let me know.

It's sad that once I asked him, "Are you suicidal?" and his response was, "A better question is to ask me if I'm not. It's my out, my feel-good for a moment when I don't have answers."

He began suicidal ideation at a very young age and it's almost incorporated into him as a coping mechanism...to get through.

He does fully KNOW now that he's very loved. He didn't believe that before and that's where my focus stays when he's feeling badly.

Thanks so much y'all. He's maintaining.

KD

Kimmy, you are an angel, for the support you show him! Speaking personally, that can speak volumes. The quoted parts of your post below really caught my attention, and hit home!

Thank you for posting this, Kimmy! I'm so sorry he is having such a hard time, but glad to hear he is maintaining! I can really relate to this!

~Kimmy

kimmydawn,

Please check your PMs...I just sent you one. {{HUGS}},Kristin

(((KimmyD))) How well I understand the "stinkin thinkin" ....it's my out. I used to think, it's my ace in the hole...when I can't stand one more minute of my life I'll just end it. And then Michael did that to us and took away my "out".

When you live with the aftermath of a loved ones suicide..any thoughts of doing the same, just goes out the window.

I'm so glad you have this open communication with him and I'm sure you've told him that it will also kill your chances for a happy life if he does this.

I've said it time and again...if someone is hell bent on ending their lives, there really isn't anything, short of locking them away forever, to stop them. They cannot hold loved ones hostage to that threat....but they can be reminded of the love you have for them...over and over. And I know that you do.

My doctor said to me...."Call me before you do something stupid!"

Warm hugs and love. Alffe

Thank you so much (((((((( everyone )))))))))))

Alffe...

Yes! This is what I was trying to put down and couldn't word well. You almost quoted what he said to me.

David then referred to his boy, my little david, and said his birth took that away from him.

Yes.

Alffe, I'm so sorry you understand, but blessed that you share to help and comfort. You succeeded today.

I appreciate you all so much!

He's better in that he's found something that clicks for him in his mind... I'll work on healing while he's putting all eggs into one basket at the moment. I'll take that and offer him more baskets.

Love y'all!

KD

Dear KimmyDawn,
I hope that your brother is doing better than he was when you first posted.
Thinking of you all!

Each morning I wonder, hope and pray that all is well for you and your brother.

(((Kimmy))) prayers going up from Iowa.

((((((( hugs ))))))))

He's doing much better. He's found a focus again.

I'm just so proud of him that he reaches out now and allows others to care for him and keep him safe when he feels he can't, or even loathes to.

His boy really helps him there as well and I had him come over yesterday when little man's teachers came for a visit prior to school starting on Monday. He and his boy played airplanes, and had lots of soul to soul contact. I CHERISH seeing the "I can't explain what, but beautiful" that I see in my brother's eyes when he looks at his son sometimes. He loves him so much, so much that he sacrificed for him to have all...in a well-rounded and safe way.

Thank you so much everyone. You're blessings to me.

Kd

aww... that's good he's doing better, KD.

You're amazing.

I know it must be a sacrifice for your brother. My father did the same with me when my mother died when I was very little. I went to live with his sister and her family... only she wasn't as nice as you LOL. groan/grrr

It must have been exceptionally difficult for my father I'm sure. I didn't ever think about that when I was little. Now I can though. It's good sometimes to look at things from the other side.