I'll be praying for you and your brother. I'll be praying for your entire family.
May God hold you and keep you.

Dear KimmyDawn,
I'm very sorry to read about your brother.
I take it that when he phones you and says that then he's about to take himself to the hospital? It's really a good thing that he's willing to call you and let you know how badly he's feeling despite how sad his situation is right now... it shows and tells you that he really doesn't want to feel so badly. Not that anyone does want to feel that way, it's just very difficult for some people to actually tell someone else and to ask for help.
I hope you've heard from him since you wrote your first post and that he's gone for help and you know where he is now. Shocking worry for you all there, KD.
Thinking of you and your brother and your family.
I hope that a plan has been put into place and that he's gone to the hospital for help.

He's maintaining.

He was very upset and had been spiraling. Sometimes he's able to grab a focus and hold onto it and that's what he's so good at doing. It's helped him many times.

When he goes, I'm the one who takes him. He needs a support with him but also he doesn't drive...lost license many years ago.

He's promised, and has kept that promise, that if it gets too much he'll let me know.

It's sad that once I asked him, "Are you suicidal?" and his response was, "A better question is to ask me if I'm not. It's my out, my feel-good for a moment when I don't have answers."

He began suicidal ideation at a very young age and it's almost incorporated into him as a coping mechanism...to get through.

He does fully KNOW now that he's very loved. He didn't believe that before and that's where my focus stays when he's feeling badly.

Thanks so much y'all. He's maintaining.

KD

Kimmy, you are an angel, for the support you show him! Speaking personally, that can speak volumes. The quoted parts of your post below really caught my attention, and hit home!

Thank you for posting this, Kimmy! I'm so sorry he is having such a hard time, but glad to hear he is maintaining! I can really relate to this!

~Kimmy

kimmydawn,

Please check your PMs...I just sent you one. {{HUGS}},Kristin

(((KimmyD))) How well I understand the "stinkin thinkin" ....it's my out. I used to think, it's my ace in the hole...when I can't stand one more minute of my life I'll just end it. And then Michael did that to us and took away my "out".

When you live with the aftermath of a loved ones suicide..any thoughts of doing the same, just goes out the window.

I'm so glad you have this open communication with him and I'm sure you've told him that it will also kill your chances for a happy life if he does this.

I've said it time and again...if someone is hell bent on ending their lives, there really isn't anything, short of locking them away forever, to stop them. They cannot hold loved ones hostage to that threat....but they can be reminded of the love you have for them...over and over. And I know that you do.

My doctor said to me...."Call me before you do something stupid!"

Warm hugs and love. Alffe

Thank you so much (((((((( everyone )))))))))))

Alffe...

Yes! This is what I was trying to put down and couldn't word well. You almost quoted what he said to me.

David then referred to his boy, my little david, and said his birth took that away from him.

Yes.

Alffe, I'm so sorry you understand, but blessed that you share to help and comfort. You succeeded today.

I appreciate you all so much!

He's better in that he's found something that clicks for him in his mind... I'll work on healing while he's putting all eggs into one basket at the moment. I'll take that and offer him more baskets.

Love y'all!

KD