I'm not feeling well emotionally or physiclly and having a hard time with my thoughts. I had the VNS implanted and got a staph infection which flattened me. I had to wait two weeks to heal before they could turn it on. tomorrow they flick the switch. I've had more ECTs which I didn't want and just feel so confused and my memory is so bad. I'm just so worn out from all this. But I know what I have to do but how do you say goodbye to loved ones? I never had a chance. I don't know how this is going to feel tomorrow but they told me I wouldn't know it. But they also told me I wouldn't "feel" the ECTs either. I believe in miracles and I believe in the power of prayer. This just has to be the answer to give me my life back. I've missed you all so much and I always include everyone at NT in my prayers at night.