I really do believe that all of my medical issues play a part in my depression.

I have been in councelling for over 8 years to help with my depression. I have been suicidal since I was a child. I can remember around the age of 9 or 10 being suicidal. I had a lot of medical problems also. I believe I had Fibro and CFS even as a child.

The worst of my problems are the RSD, CFS, Interstital Cystitis, and MS. We can't get the IC under control and the CFS drives me up the wall. I have had the same PCP for over 16 years and he works hard at helping me.

I think my support system is the main thing that keeps me going. I have plenty of that even though I lost my husband 10 months ago.

I think the most disappointing part of the VNS is not being told of all of the side effects and also the fact that the company didn't even care what other medical issues I had.

I'm determined to keep trying with this though. My PCP said we had to turn it up one more notch and that was it. It's a wait and see thing now.

Thanks so much for the kind good thoughts.

Ada

Ada you are so fortunate to have a good support system in real life...people to lean on while fighting that good fight are so important. I'm so glad you have a good dr. who works with you to find the right combination that will lead to light at the end of that tunnel.

We try to provide our BJ with that....we try to let her feel our support right thru our computer screens.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband, how long were you married? You really have more than your fair share of health problems to deal with.

Hang in there...and did I say..welcome to the sos family?

hi ada. i see you followed my link or was it the brownie crumbs?

welcome to sos. we wonder a lot around here. have plates full of stuff. get ticked off...and just offer lots of friendship and support. always seems to be somebody here when you need them.

Bill and I were married almost 35 years. He was one of the greatest people a person could have known. He looked like Roy Rogers also. A lot of people called him Roy instead of Bill. He was from the old school and knew how to treat people. He spoiled me so now I am having to learn how to do for myself more.

Curious, I followed your link. If the brownies are sugar free then I can follow the crumbs the next time. I have high cholestral and I'm trying to get it down along with my weight. With Fibro you crave sweets though so it was tempting to follow the brownie crumbs.

I do hope that this helps BJ. I know exactly what she is going through. With the bipolarism it's even a harder thing to get better. I do think though once she gets this VNS straightened out she will see some good results.

The people on these forums are such a great help to everyone going through what each is going through. When I first came on the forums around 98, I was hanging on by a thread so I do know that the support everyone here gives helps.

Thanks for the warm welcome also.

Ada

Thirty five years is a lot of happiness, you must miss Bill terribly.

I was just crazy about Roy Rogers as a youngster....Was Trigger his horse?...I remember it was a palameno! (can't spell but the horse was blonde!) *grin

got to get off this puter...Mr.Alffe wants popcorn!

Hugs for the room.

Home again. I'm pretty worn out and my shoulder is not feeling the best. I can't do anything easy anymore and had to stay an extra couple days. The anesthesia made me sick and I was running a fever and they wouldn't let me go until I ate something solid. The surgery took a little longer then expected because they had to do a lot of scraping because I had scar tissue built up. But it's all in now and it will be turned back on in a couple weeks. So I'm right back where I started from almost 2 months ago. So I'm a little disheartened that I've gotten no where it 2 months with this. And I'm a little embarrassed that I can't control it on my own.

But it's so good to be home, once again, and my kitty is sitting in my lap. And I couldn't ask for anything more.

Thank you all for being here for me through this and, like I've said a bazillion times, not feeling all alone in this.

Bj, I can understand your feeling disheartened for two "wasted" months but you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You should feel proud of yourself for going to any length to save yourself...I've said this a bazillon times....I admire the heck out of your courage.

Hug Benton for me. *grin

I hope you sleep tonight.

Love,

Alffe

OK Girl, I said I was going to bed two PM's ago to you but I wanted to just say hi to you and say that you should not be embarrassed about needing help with this.

That is one thing I have learned in councelling is that's it's ok to ask for help. I came from a family of 10 plus Mom and Dad. Daddy raised all 10 of us without asking for any help. I can remember one year that the Church brought a Christmas basket to our house and Daddy said," So and So needs this worse then we do so we'll take it to them. Daddy was so independent and that's how he raised us.

When I first got sick in 87, it was the hardest thing I ever did to ask anyone to help me. By 91 I was so bad off mentally and physically, I still had trouble asking anyone for help. My councellor and Dr. told me that everyone needs help sometimes and all I had to do was ask and ye shall receive. It took me years to look him in the face when he was taking care of me for free. For 5 years he took care of me free of charge. I was so embarrassed that he was doing that. I finally realized that I could not do this alone.

You and I are in the same boat. With the major depression, we need the support of others and they are so willing to give it if we just let them. A lot of times we don't even have to ask. I didn't with my Dr. and friend.

Alffe reminds me of such a person as he is. SO willing to give of her time and so supportive. You are very lucky to have this forum. Look upon them as friends.

I have some friends on the RSD forum that I dearly love and have never met them. I talked to one of them on the phone today for over an hour. I was just so down and having some hard times I called her up and she was more then willing to talk to me. I had woke her up from a major headache but she didn't mind.

Let the embarrassment go. There are so many people on these forums that are in the same shape as we are. Look at them as friends that you want to talk to and enjoy even if you can't go out and have a cup of coffee with them.

I do know about the scar tissue. I have had 18 surgeries in 13 years and I end up with scar tissue a lot of times. I'm getting ready to have triggerfinger surgery next.

Now that you have the VNS straightened back up, you at least know in 2 weeks what is in store for you. That may be why it wasn't helping in the first place. It could have been loose all along and just finally let go.

What kind of hobbies do you have? I am a collector of everything. I like to make jewelry. I am hoping I can get my hands straightened up to where I can start making some again.

Hobbies help keep our mind off of things also.

With depression, we have to take one day at a time and one night at a time. I like to watch comedies also. They make me laugh. I am getting to where I can sit still long enough anymore to watch a show. We have to keep busy. That is a key to helping us get through those days and nights.

I need to go to bed BJ. I am so tired girl I am rambling. Keep this up and I'll ramble so far from home I can't find my way back. LOL

You have a good evening. I will see you all tomorrow, or at least your writing.

Ada

And this is why I love this forum family..we just take turns picking each other up off the floor.

Such good advice Ada, thank you so much. You and BJ walk in the same shoes and I think a Higher Power has brought you together.

I'm leaving town (my own idea..) and won't be back until tomorrow evening so I wanted to let you know that you're going to a football game (I always carry you in my heart).

s for the room.

Who's playing? I am not a big football fan unless I can be at the game. Then I have a ball watching them but I'm always asking someone what happened when someone scores. It all happens so fast.

My youngest grandson is on the 7th grade football team. He is one of the littlest ones on the team but that kid can run and tackle.

Two weeks ago he didn't wear his belt to the game and he got his pants pulled down. I laughed so hard. He just jumped up and threw his hands up in the air and cheered. Nothing embarrasses that kid.

BJ, I am so tired today. I didn't sleep last night at all. I finally woke up and watched some tv and messed with the computer. Even with oxygen, I have trouble sleeping.

How are you feeling? I hope you heal good and fast so we can get your VNS back on to see how you do. I am anxious to see how it does for you.

I think I can see some difference. My mind isn't racing a 100 miles an hour. It never stopped before. It was like a tape recorder or tv playing the same movies all of the time. I can sit still for a little longer now also to read a little or relax and watch tv.

There are some things that it hasn't tackled yet but maybe in time.

My caregiver is taking me to town this morning. I want to go to Wal-mart and get some groceries. That I hate to do. I run in and get what I want and get out. I have panic and anxiety attacks at times.

It's cold here right now but it's going to get in the 70's today.

After my Dr. turned my VNS up my voice got somewhat back to normal again. I was surprised about that. Everyone says it's not going down or breaking up as bad. I actually called him up and him if he was sure he turned it up. He laughed. Actually the reason I did is that the last time he was suppose to have turned it all the way down he didn't turn one of the settings down enough and I stood it as long as I could and then went back in and had him to turn it all the way back down. I am determined to make it work though. We have one more turn up on it then we will sat back and see how it does.
Keep your fingers crossed for me that I can leave it alone this time.

What are you going to do today? Do you get out much? I get out maybe once a week. This week I will get out 2 times. I see my Dr. Wed.

Next week I will have 2 Dr. appts. That's my time out, going to see my Drs. I have a Neurologist, Urologist, Gynocologist, PCP, Hand Surgeon, two Orthopedic Drs., an Anesteologist, Poditrist, Ear Dr. so you see, I have lots of time out. I forgot my wonderful Thoracic Outlet Surgeon in Denver. Too many to keep up with.

I bet I saw 100 Drs. before I finally got a good lineup.

How long have you been dealing with depression. I know a lot of people have heard your story but I haven't heard it all so I'd like to hear about it.

I do know about bipolarism. I have a neice and her son with it. It's a hard one to get under control but if you find the right meds, you can do good with it.

I sure hope you are feeling better. Here it is after 8 and I am just as tired as when I went to bed.

You have a good day and let me know how you are feeling.

Ada