I got my Compassionate Friends newsletter a couple of days ago and am just now finding time to read it. There are almost always helpful articles with suggestions of how to live through the pain of losing a loved one.

I continue to received the SOS Newsletter from Dane County Mental Health in Madison, Wisc. and it has been a life saver for me for years. I wanted to remind people that these newsletters are free for the asking. They encourge a donation on occasion to help with the printing but it isn't necessary.

Of course they are no substitue for a support group where you can actually get a hug and real understanding of your pain.

***********************************

Here is a portion of an article by Michael Woodford when he talks about the pain of losing his son Andrew and how his wife would often say, "Why can't it be ten years from now?"

"Thankfully, for me, the human soul has the ability to recover from trauma and the human mind the ability to shed the penetrating pain of recent tragedy yet retain the invaluable and ultimately more satisfying remembrances of our loved ones' lives. The pain then becomes an echo of sorrow remembered distantly through the more joyful memories of experiences shared with our loved ones.

Regardless of the time that has passed, we must be careful not to fall into the trap of escapism, but rather we must direct the changes that are inevitably before us. Humans tend to find the things that will remove the immediate souce of discomfort, regardless of the long-term effects. Many of us find those few things that help us feel comfortable an help us from dwelling on the negatives, and we stick to them. We get comfortable in our routine and character patterns and refuse to move on or heal a little more, because of the fear of facing the pain again.

In his book, Man's Search for Meaning, Dr. Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and world-renowned psychologist, wrote: "Man...determines himself whether to give in to conditions or stand up to them. In other words, man is ultimately self-determining. Man does not simply exist, but always decides what he will become in the next moment."

*********************

Taken from The Healing Garden October 2007 issue..Compassionate Friends Newsletter