(((Xienite))))

Please see your doctor - go to a drop in clinic...

I was feeling suicidal last May... and with the help of my doctor, I am ok.
You will be OK, too... your doctor can help you dear....

please, please, say you'll go and talk to him/her.
You need talk therapy, too.

I know its easier said than done...
but I can say I walked this talk.

I still struggle ... and I'm still walking

That's good advice Addy has given you....

I'd also consider grief counseling.
You know we walk around (if we're able to get up off the floor) half crazed for months...sometimes years after someone we love kills themselves. I truely believe we aren't responsible nor capable of caring for ourselves or anything else.

So much of that first year is a blank in my memory...I tried to go thru the motions of life..tried to do what I had to do because I wasn't the only one who was suffering but I'm really not sure what went on because I really, really wasn't "here".

That will only make sense to someone who's survived it and Xienite, you must survive it but please be kinder to yourself....you will emerge from this fog,,
granted you will be different than before but you'll be ok. Give yourself
time and lower your expectations.

And please...continue to fight the beast!

Bump for bamboo if you have not already seen this.....

Xientie

You replied 'Michael would cry tears' if he knew your present and inner thoughts.

Xientie, you dont know me, and i dont know you other than reading your heartbroken words, on this page.

But although we are miles apart, and talk through this forum, i like your Michael would be heartbroken if you let your preciousus existance leave this earth.

The death of my father 11 years ago was a huge blow, i never thought i would get over it, he died on Fathers day 1996. Until this year i hated Fathers day and purposely worked that day to avoid hurt. My Boys never understood, then this year my youngest said. 'Dad can you take Fathers day off this year, and be with us'. My heart melted. I knew then life must go on.

Xientie life at present is un-imagineably unbareable, but if your heart knows Michael would cry tears over your life on earth, then this is a sign to persevere with life. You will get strong and will overcome this period in life.


Without grief we dont know we are alive, without pain we dont know we are ill,
without saddness do we truly undertsand the meaning of happiness.


David