by Paul Quinnett

Hearing all the pain in Bamboo's post made me run for this book again. He really gives such good advice that I need to quote from it.

In the Chapter, A Philosophy of Life...he writes:

"Give yourself a gift..a very precious gift. And that gift is this: The time, the space, and the solitude to begin to sort out what it means to you to be a human being and to have a life to live. Admittedly, this is a spiritual quest, even an existential one. And, some might argue, a psychologist hasn't much business mucking around with things philosophical or religious or spiritual.

*****

We live in a time of fast foods, and convenience stores and cute quips that pass for wisdom and, I have sometimes wondered, if we are not all the victims of a fast-lane mentality that makes simple solutions like suicide easier than struggling with our own thoughts and fears and doubts and learning to sacrifice for love rather than to expect it to be given us with a money back guarantee.

You have no doubt heard the now-popular saying, "Life is a *****, and then you die." It is a clever one-liner and making the rounds just now. But is it true? Is it true for you? when things have not been going right in my world, I have repeated this little phrase mayself. But these eight words are a powerful and negative statement about life and while I may make a joke with them from time to time, I do not really believe them to be true....Quite the opposite. I could just as well say, "Life is a picnic, but sometimes you get ants."

The first one-liner justifies my occasional pessimism, the second challenges me to see a bigger picture. It is up to me to choose between them. I make that choice- consciously, daily. I would ask that you do the same for yourself." Unquote


***************

Oh Pter would have liked this guy a lot!

Where to begin, do I try...do I want to? I must, I registered here, or is this someplace to say my final goodbyes? Hard to imagine that he would have just had his 47th birthday....harder still is to imagine that I've been in paranoid seclusion for 10 months now. I'm tired of hurting, both mentally and physically. I hate living where I am...too many memories, sadly unable to move due to financial situation as well as having to go through all of Michael's things and get rid of them. One huge brick around my neck.

I'm just rambling...looking for a reason to live or just a reason to hope. I miss my will to live, now I just survive.

I sadly remain....

Xienite....I'm so sorry. Tell me about your Michael.

Alffe, we know each other from the "other place"...seems like eons ago. You kind hearted lady sent me a book when Michael passed away (my husband). It seems that I am not capable of movin on, or at least I haven't finished mourning.

Damn, life changes in an instant...one heart-beat. Why do I remember his last words ("this is going to hurt") and not the look of total love he had for me? Why did I listen to him? I should have called 9-1-1. So many should have's. Now I just have to find a reason to wake up tomorrow.....

Oh Alffe, your Suicide links don't work....leave it to me to find out

Oh my memory is so terrible, please forgive me! Of course I remember you and how devastating it was for you to lose that man who adored you.!

thanks for telling me about my signature link...I've changed it!

You know it hasn't been that long....grief has no time table and honestly, it takes as long as it takes. It's just hard to find a reason to live but you'll get there dear lady. Talking about it is a good thing because we really do get it and won't judge you for whatever you're thinking. Just share it.

How can I help?

if I told you that I contemplate ways to take my own life at least once an hour while I'm awake. It scares the crap out of me, as I wonder what happened to the person that I was. Then I remember, and I wonder if today will be the day that I get brave enough.

There is so much wrong I don't think it can be fixed at this point. I know the saying of "a permanent solution to a temporary situation", and in looking at everything in my life....it's hard to imagine that this is a temporary situation...in fact, it's pretty f'ed up and doesn't look like it's going to get any better.

Allfe, you pretty lady, are one classy lady in my book. You have did all that you can years ago, when you opened up your heart to all of us, and for that, I thank you.

It sounds like you have had a 10 months (((Xienite))) beyond me and miss Michael something too awful for me to begin to understand.

I wonder what Michael would want for you to do now. Do you have children?
Oh, I wish any close members of your family could help you now.

Please talk to us and let us know how things are going and you are feeling. Maybe if you talk to us you won't feel so alone. We sure care about you.

Hi Wren, it's nice to chat with you and thank you for your kind words.

What would Michael think, he would be in tears over what I've become. Sadly, I don't know how to get myself out of this place anymore. I surrencer, I give up...I can't do it myself. Family...I haven't seen my sister since Michael's funeral, and my father couldn't find the time to show up. I apologize for sounding bitchy, I just feel so alone, hell I am alone.

Michael's family, well first off his mom is now 98 and last I talked to her, she made it feel that I was causing here more painful memories when I called, so I stopped calling and they haven't called me. Children, I have one son from a previous marriage, but Michael loved unconditionally, as well as the grandkids. Sadly they are in Texas with the maternal grandparents (another sad story) and I haven't see or talked to them since 2004.

Maybe the hard part is that I keep trying to find a reason to go on when in reality I shouldn't? So much confusion.....even more pain. I just want to take my marbles and go home, but it doesn't look like it's going to be that easy, yet.

the book you quote from - is online to read at google
I shortened the path to it for you -by using www.tinyurl.com
http://tinyurl.com/ytly3q

love &

hugs to all who suffer this evening....
KNow that you are not alone....we are here.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi