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02-11-2010, 09:40 AM | #201 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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A Man Alone
by Stephen Orlen I hated breaking up and I hated Being left, finding myself in an apartment With an extra set of silverware and a ghost, Impatient to be gone. Then to summon up Who I was before the bed was full with woman. To shift the street-mind from getting to To slowing down and window shop. In the bar down the street, To let my eyes simplify again, and make no judgments, And breathe in the smoke that drifts Through one body then another, And find myself close enough To whisper into a woman's just-washed hair And inhale that ten thousand year old scent. To memorize a phone number. To learn to say goodnight at her door. To keep my hands in my pockets, like a boy. To open the heart, only a little at a time
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02-12-2010, 08:50 PM | #202 | |||
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Senior Member
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I heard your call for help, i tried not too ignore,
but you have hurt me badly, hence i closed my door. I see you struggle daily with your inner thoughts and deeds, but still i cant see past your ways, my turmoil thus still breeds. You hurt me more, and curse my name, continue in this vain, see me wither, deplete as this here man;. What do you hope to gain You may not care, or cease to think, about the service i bestow you, but i still do love ,my life is yours, and don't forget i really know you!.
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02-12-2010, 09:17 PM | #203 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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OMG...be still my heart!!!
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02-16-2010, 09:37 AM | #204 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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Somebody's Mother
by Mary Dow Brine The woman was old and ragged and gray And bent with the chill of the Winter's day. The street was wet with a recent snow And the woman's feet were aged and slow. She stood at the crossing and waited long, Alone, uncared for, amid the throng Of human beings who passed her by Nor heeded the glance of her anxious eye. Down the street with laughter and shout, Glad in the freedom of 'school let out,' Came the boys like a flock of sheep, Hailing the snow piled white and deep. Past the woman so old and gray Hastened the children on their way. Nor offered a helping hand to her— So meek, so timid, afraid to stir Lest the carriage wheels or the horses' feet Should crowd her down in the slippery street. At last came one of the merry troop, The gayest lad of all the group; He paused beside her and whispered low, "I'll help you cross, if you wish to go." Her aged hand on his strong young arm She placed, and so, without hurt or harm, He guided the trembling feet along, Proud that his own were firm and strong. Then back again to his friends he went, His young heart happy and well content. "She's somebody's mother, boys, you know, For all she's aged and poor and slow, And I hope some fellow will lend a hand To help my mother, you understand, If ever she's poor and old and grey, And her own dear boy is far away." "Somebody's mother" bowed low her head In her home that night, and the prayer she said Was, "God be kind to the noble boy, Who is somebody's son, and pride and joy!" "Somebody's Mother" by Mary Dow Brine
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03-08-2010, 10:33 AM | #205 | |||
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Junior Member
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#
Colleen Rowley Parent THE CREMATED REMAINS of a part of me sits on my dresser inanimately it has no voice no arms to hold it has no wisdom nothing foretold... just the ashes of a part of my heart someone whose been there from the very start his eyes still stare at me his smile still shines but a hole exists at thiis moment in time wondering when the pain will subside as it comes and goes with the force of the tides no more memories to make no more of his time to take. no more wondering how he is doing as the blues of his death have left me in ruins family broken down into fraction at the hand of his selfish actions and brother and sister left with out a brother a mother left with a pain that can smother a father left in the pain of not helping his little boy in his moment of coping a wife tormented by the sickness of his mind a daughter left to wonder why? step daughter cousins nieces and nephews all left in a state of confusion friends from the past friends from the present friends left with there own heartache and resentment friends that were more than that friends that were like family have been damaged so painfully sadly do you ever get past a suicide death do you ever manage to heal with a bandage? i put you in a heart around my neck keeping you closer than you would ever let. it is now that i feel you more than in years past now that your gone your time went to fast. It is a hard thing to grasp the thought of not being able to understand yourself ,the thought of never feeling good enough to the point that is paralyzes you in your life when it gets overwhelming. My feeling is that is what sean suffered. ================================================== ============ understanding Don't ever assume you understand someone Else's actions, for the only understanding one can have of someone Else's experiences, is the understanding of them through through ur own personal journey {someone else experiences do not belong to you and they are all unique},there for when u feel u have understanding??? , STOP AND THINK, am i understanding this persons experience from the perspective in which THEY LIVED THEM???? , or am i understanding what there saying in relation to my life and my experiences the only thing u find in the assumption of understanding is misunderstanding ======================================== I sit alone At 3 am writing this ... thinking of the times we shared; all the memories we have; makes this so hard to bare. thinking of the father you were; and just how many hearts that cared. Sean, just a few moments to say goodbye As my heart, body and eyes do cry. Trying to look through this kaleidoscope of emotion Trying to handle an cope with this moment. Letting go of you............Is SO PAINFUL, because i LOVE YOU SO MUCH That feeling these feelings is leaving me crushed. You are my big brother NO one can EVER take your place! When I close my eyes all I see is your face! Sean the time is ticking just one more minute to say goodbye One more minute to tell you how I feel One minute SEAN if your hear an your attention I could steal! I wish for One more minute to hold you tight One more minute to look in your eyes and beg and tell you together we can win this fight One more minute Just One more day One more memory to make As I'd reach out and your hand i would take. there is nothing i can do even if i pray but in my heart im still begging you to stay! I understand I get it Your body is gone now But you live in my heart there was never a second you weren't there from the start in my everyday your memory wont part Every second I hold on to Every memory is precious Every smile Every laughter you shared was nothing short of contagious But....I guess ..... your fight is over YOUR pain is gone You’re up there singing your favorite Neon Bach song I think of you with a heart that’s full I think of you with no ill will I thank God for giving you to me And I thank god for setting your pain free I thank god and I pray That he is holding your tight And you are basking in the love of a beautiful new light. ============================================ today i walk and i wonder how could it be that tomorrow will come and i will be free i will wander the street of this confused mind i will make good decisions and have a clear mind nothing ever will break me it may have fractured its true i just need to look forward and lean on you my prayers will be said and i will be strong in my faith that god has a plan and and in his arms sean is safe ill smile and remember all f the movies that play in my mind and hold you dear every moment in time to move and heal is not a rejection not in anyway is a careless reflection just the road i have to take not in any way a mistake so i breath in a sigh of releif as i let go of some of this heavy grief for your soul is one that danced in the sun and your smile and i are forever one i love you ========================================== pain I feel beat up and twisted, flipped and beaten upside down, hurting deep inside my soul, crying and tired of this never ending fal,l working hard to hold it together, wondering why i have to weather the weather. one thing runs over me after the next, I feel like im stuck in this tidal wave of stress. one more trial to pass the test ,i have had it im finished cant take any more, im tired of of the way gods knockin at my door, dead brother dead aunt, intimate relationship scard and bent, my babies hurting suffering inside, i sit and i watch her in pain as she cries, hold my hands out to hold her, love her with a heart that is damaged, don't know how to help her dont know how to manage, sickness sets in my body is hurting, work is fed up that there is no learning, damaged and broken withered and misfit, dont know what to do don't know how to fix it. turning to god my faith is challenged, but im still trying to find a peaceful balance, ============================================ This is how i think Sean felt i wrote this poem a long time ago." WINGS OH LORD work with me toss me a bone I looked in that direction and still found no home I reached out my hand and offered my soul Wining for me wasn't a goal I just wanna be happy stop running from life YA know make a commitment Without having to fight! I wanna wake up to some sunshine and be where I wanna be Wanna have someone im in love with laying next to me I wanna smile and shine when I look at her face I wanna be happy knowing she wants me to share in her space I wanna find joy in the simplest of things I wanna be that bird that flies when he Spreads his wings ========================================== MEMORIES OF YOU Monday, November 23, 2009 9:20 PM at the earliest of age when we were both very small and I couldn't live up to my biggest brotherly goal which was to fill in your footsteps walk in your path be by your side weather it is tears or some laughs funny and mischief, torment and tease the fun filled memories of you I seize you were a father that glowed with a beautiful light as his little girl Amy was “his world” and his biggest delight you would gleamed as you would watch her and Know you found the love of your life Sean my big brother I adored you so much, wanted to be like you strong and tough, feel the energy that you would exuded when u would walk in a room and flash that Irish smile and make the girls swoon many years had passed and distance had occurred but my affection for you never would swerve than I found you feeling lost and alone, feeling like you had no home I said your coming home with me and you looked at me like you got stung by a bee. I said with confusion Sean I love you I, want to be here and he started to cry and i could see the pain & fears he couldn’t hide we lived together & worked together every day for a year, 24 -7 with his little sister was probably one of his fears but day by day i watched as he healed and smiled that sunshine again and began to feel and God I love you Sean. That didn’t end with your life your spirit and soul have taken flight & every min we shared, every tear that fell, every trick you played that made me laugh like hell Id do it all again even with the same finale because you were my brother my blood and a Rowley Everything about you was a treasure and a gift through your life so many hearts you did lift and my heart holds you with the deepest of care. And i know for a fact that around me your still there love you brother ================================================== ======= ------------------------------------------------------------ tomorrow tomorrow is just another day todays worries will be far away what haunts you in the here and now tomorrow will take second rail what we have to understand is that time will never hold out hand so when u think you have the time think back to when u read this rhyme and remember how colleen told you live your life to your heart true ------------------------------------------------- swimming been thinking about relationships about people about missed opportunities about living your life and getting to the end and not wanting to say i wish wish wish i would of done that and i would of done this and dreams and desires float on by as you never look your true potential in the eye and ya settle and ya trudge along singing the same old boring song wondering when your ship will come in as the days and the months and the years do you in how often we have a hold of something we want and we let go of it for fear of what ???? living your life feeling trapped between walls and you listen and hear as your happiness calls and it drifts and it drifts further and further into this emptiness till your sweet sounds of happiness aren't anymore happy the echo becomes this shallow sad tear a memory that causes your heart to fear and again and again you wish and you wonder what might of been had u jumped in the water and went for that swim ------------------------------------------------------------------------ WTF explain this to me what were u thinking hittin the bottle a little to much drinking the pain was intense the turmoil to much the life u were leading just wasn't enough? so here we LIVE with this memory of u. Dealing with this nightmarish image is what i have left to do. when i close my eyes what it is i see isnt my brother it's that ****in tree thank you sean, thanks for the memories thanks big brother for takin such good care of me. I had a ruff time that day as you can see =========================================== February 19 at 1:15pm · Delete Post # Colleen Rowley Parent It isnt easy to be here it isnt easy to share it isnt easy to relive these memories that better qualify as nightmares it isnt easy to undersatnd that he lived a life with out a plan it isnt easy to ask the questions why it is easier to just sit back and feel the pain and cry it isnt easy to let go it isnt easy to hold on it isnt easy to accept that you are gone it isnt easy to reach for something positive it isnt easy to live like this it isnt easy to find the good in the loos of your brotherhood it isnt easy to try to feel that under the pain is a positive message that will reign it isnt easy to say good bye and it still hurts when i look to the sky and what i have left is the question WHY |
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03-11-2010, 02:20 PM | #206 | |||
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Junior Member
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<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" allowNetworking="all" allowFullscreen="true" src="http://w342.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http://w342.photobucket.com/albums/o437/mrsbbnova/art/4edf3f85.pbw" height="360" width="480">
<a href="http://s342.photobucket.com/albums/o437/mrsbbnova/Sean%20Thomas%20Rowley/my%20portfolio/?action=view¤t=93e84ee5.pbw" target="_blank"><img src="http://s342.photobucket.com/albums/o437/mrsbbnova/Sean%20Thomas%20Rowley/my%20portfolio/th_aaa-1.jpg" border="0" alt="" style="width: 160px;"></a>
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The SUICIDE JOURNALS LINK pain and pleasure of life loved and lost BY Colleen Rowley . . |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | lou_lou (07-07-2010) |
03-28-2010, 08:50 AM | #207 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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One More Thought by Rachel Hadas
I had to carry it on your behalf. But there was always something else to do. I had to fear, remember, and imagine, but there was always someplace else to go. I had to bear it all for you. For me. Throw this out and keep that. Forget and know. Old jokes, old anecdotes struggle to the surface even now. Our neighbors at the movie holding hands... Another bubble bust. The tears went dry. What had been slowly leaking, years and years: the person who said "I". __________________
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"Thanks for this!" says: | lou_lou (03-31-2010) |
03-31-2010, 03:37 AM | #208 | |||
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In Remembrance
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this was put on youtube by my son...
Audio recorded in the late 1960s at our family reunion enjoy love, tena http://www.youtube.com/user/RyanMcEnaney
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with much love, lou_lou . . by . , on Flickr pd documentary - part 2 and 3 . . Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these. |
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06-11-2010, 12:12 PM | #209 | |||
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Senior Member
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KING HENRY V
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead. In peace there's nothing so becomes a man As modest stillness and humility: But when the blast of war blows in our ears, Then imitate the action of the tiger; Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage; Then lend the eye a terrible aspect; Let pry through the portage of the head Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it As fearfully as doth a galled rock O'erhang and jutty his confounded base, Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean. Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide, Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit To his full height. On, on, you noblest English. Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof! Fathers that, like so many Alexanders, Have in these parts from morn till even fought And sheathed their swords for lack of argument: Dishonour not your mothers; now attest That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you. Be copy now to men of grosser blood, And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman, Whose limbs were made in England, show us here The mettle of your pasture; let us swear That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not; For there is none of you so mean and base, That hath not noble lustre in your eyes. I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, Straining upon the start. The game's afoot: Follow your spirit, and upon this charge Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!' Exeunt. Alarum, and chambers go off William Shakespear COME ON ENGLAND David
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06-24-2010, 10:07 AM | #210 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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If You Knew
What if you knew you'd be the last to touch someone? If you were taking tickets, for example, at the theater, tearing them, giving back the ragged stubs, you might take care to touch that palm, brush your fingertips along the life line's crease. When a man pulls his wheeled suitcase too slowly through the airport, when the car in front of me doesn't signal, when the clerk at the pharmacy won't say Thank you, I don't remember they're going to die. A friend told me she'd been with her aunt. They'd just had lunch and the waiter, a young gay man with plum black eyes, joked as he served the coffee, kissed her aunt's powdered cheek when they left. Then they walked a half a block and her aunt dropped dead on the sidewalk. How close does the dragon's spume have to come? How wide does the crack in heaven have to split? What would people look like if we could see them as they are, soaked in honey, stung and swollen, reckless, pinned against time? Author Ellen Bass
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