Well this christmas/new year will sadly last all of one minuete in my memory.

I worked christmas, and boxing day woke up with the FLU .........not had this for 15 years, felt a wreck... got through the day at work , and slept thurs/frida.........back on track by 31st Dec....but by then all of family had it... complete disaster.............

The one resident in on christmas day enjoyed his dinner i made him, which made up for feeling peeved for being at work... and re-enforced the true meaning of christmas.but it was very hard this guy was really sufferinng and though i tried relentlesssly to cheer him up or change the coversation to poisitivity... it ultimately reverted to his problems and internernal missery...


I must admit [although currently i';m drinking heavily when writing this, and when sober , i always retuurn to 'carry on mode'] that it may be time for a change of job...............What i'm not sure.....if i had money to take time out i'd be a writer. I have several unfinished books, and hundreds of poems....
I personaly believe i would have been a great Funeral director, [dealing with the deceaseds family not the preperation side although a comendable skilll and duty]

But i am also married with two children, a mortgage..bills..and life restraints ... that keep me where i am.

"If i were Spielberg, or Oscar Wilde..
my life would be exciting & not meek and mild.
Or would I act like E.T, and not like a child.

If only Mark Twain and me were the same,
or would i revert to type,
and phone home again.
Will the importance of being Ernest,stay in my mind
Or will i concentrate hard, on an encounter of the third kind.

or is that a metephore for one in the same,
And saving private Ryan is my ultimate aim?



Pure Alcohol i/m afraid................rambling yet again.

Alfe .................in your prescence in the this world there is a GOD and bless you for being here with us all.[ thanks for pm...it meant a lot]





To all that have come through this difficult last two week or so period.. CONGRATULATIOS...


Lets face the next 50 gruelling weeks together head on... L.O.L.

Seriously may i say one big enormous thank you to all you wonderful people on this site........for making me feel i'm worth something and including me in your family.

i'm the youngest of nine children, i have spoke to one sibbling over xmas....life at times is crap.....
Although originaly [ and still do ] i posted on BP forum as i'm BP2 DX.... i feel such an overwhelming desire to post on this site,


NEVER think tha'ts morbid, due to my own attempted suicide... its because i feel true EMPATHATHY for those who suffer internal distress. And if i had a hotline with GOD, i'd get him to patch me through to all those in this state of mind.. THAts it i would lke t be a Human Angel..[ A bit ike ALFfe]



To each and everyone of you, i wish you peace of mind, inner happiness, and the knowledge that there are so many like minded people out there, who give a ****...that togeth:gro uphug:er we can make this world a better place.

David