NeuroTalk Support Groups - Judging the dying: Oregon's experience

Hi all.

I have a quick story about my mother that will bring a smile to you all. Fifteen years ago, while in a nursing home, my mother stopped taking nourishment. I lived in another state, and I flew back and forth as much as I could. She had been a life long smoker and had severe breathing and lung problems.

And she had signed a DNR and another paper indicating that she didn't want any feeding tube.

I will never forget the day I got a call from the nursing home. They all knew me.
The nurse on the other end said "I just wanted to inform you that your mom is not doing well, she is not taking any nourishment and we can't feed her because she signed papers, and we are trying to make her as comfortable as we can".

I thanked her sincerely and I said "Is she conscious?" and the nurse said "yes at the moment she is" This was back when there were no cell phones and we didn't have the instant communications that we now have. In that particular nursing home, when I wanted to speak to them, I would call a land line phone in the recreation room, and either my mother or my father would be by the phone for my call. I called every single day.

So on that particular day, there was no phone near my mother's bed. The nurse apologized and said "I am so sorry, is there anything you want to say to your mother?"

I knew EXACTLY what to say.

I said "go to her bed and say "Melody lost 40 lbs". She said "THATS what you want me to say?" And I said "just do it, and watch the expression on her face".

The nurse left the phone, came back a few minutes later and exclaimed on the phone "Oh my god, she's smiling"!!!

I said 'see?? I knew what would make her happy".

My mother always hated the fact that I was overweight. It was the elephant in the room, in our relationship.

So I had the chance to have her go to her glory, happy and peaceful. And she did. She died a few hours later. (and no, at that time, I didn't lose any 40 lbs)

Next day I flew down and arranged a memorial. Imagine 50 people all lined up in their wheelchairs and my father and I in the front row. I tried to get a Catholic priest but he said "I don't work on (whatever day that was).

So I got a baptist minister to come, I paid him, and he gave a eulogy. I put their HUGE wedding photo on top of a table, grabbed a bouquet of flowers, put it in front of the photo, took some photos and arranged it on the table, and that was her memorial. It looked quite nice. Very presentable. It was either do that or nothing. I chose the former.

I'll never forget it.

Melody