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- Survivors of Suicide (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/)

- - Devastated (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/36788-devastated.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alffe (Post 197526)

HI gizmogirl and welcome to our survivors forum. I'm so sorry to read of your mothers suicide after your efforts to help her...no one can prevent a suicide if someone is hell bent on it. :hug: And you are right about our never getting over it...we just have to "put it in prospective" so we can remember the good memories...and we all have plenty of those. Unfortunately it takes a long time to sort it out.

And nohope...you sounds like you are suffering from PTS in addition to dealing with his death. What you had to go thru for years from this man's abuse is a horror story. Are you still getting counseling? Are you taking an anti depresent? Have you located a group yet? Maybe calling the library would answer the question of whether any support group is available.

Have you read our Wonder Threads here? You have a lot of wonder about. *grin And What's on your plate will usually locate members imediate plans for the day.

Thinking about you...:hug:

Edit to slap self up the side of the head! It was right up at the top all of the time no hope...please click on any of them...

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread238.html

another :hug:

I've got to be careful, I'm finding myself being drawn to my computer all day. A new addiction. I am really overwhelmed by the response. It is such a joy to have you all in my corner and how he was not able to poisen your minds with his garbage and vicious lies about me. The more he drank the worse it got. All of our mutual friends chose to take sides. Only one has come back to me now. She said she felt I had been vendicated and wanted to let everyone else know. I didn't even know what that meant and told her it was really my place to talk to people. However I have found a lot of those doors to be closed now. That's ok. Being very open about this, I have met a lot of new friends now too.

My doctor has more than quadrupeled my dose of anti-depressants. However, not having any insurance and social security is barely covering my bills, I am trying to ween myself off of them as I cannot afford them. They have been supplying me through samples, but that wont last forever. Also by not having insurance I cannot afford a professional for counseling and find my close friends to be my biggest help. I feel so bad sometimes cause I can barely hear them out through their troubles. I just keep reminding them I am here for them too, sometimes you just got to knock me upside the head to get me to listen!

And then there is the fact I have no family in town and no money for childcare. I can't get away from my children long enough to attend al-anon or any other group for my emotional healing. I am trapped and that is how I found all of you. In my total despair I googled suicide and found this and I could really talk and you were all listening! And really great listeners too!!!
Thank you for being here:)

over the last few weeks we have all heard some tragic stories, on this forum

Can i appologise to the majority of you who lost loved ones, i came here rather than BI-Polar cause the conversation is caring, helpful and meaningful....excuse me while i cry.. listening to Bette Middler--wind beneath my wings....

i Feel like i'm a perpretator rather than a victim, and i suddenly very vunerable. I'M SORRY IF I HAVE OFFENDED ANYONE WITH MY FRANKNESS, IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO HURT.

Alffe enjoy every holiday that you can manage to go on, enjoy to the maximum... you and mr Alffe deserve every break you get-understand it ws a flippant joke.

As a husband and Father i feel very guilty..............

bette middler - God iis watching us[ from a ditance] TOP TUNE

David....dear David, you know better than that. I knew you were kidding...we have to keep our sense of humor in the forum because the subject is so very awful and the stories hard to hear. :hug: Now tell me the truth...are you in your cups? *grin :hug:

Cups meaning alcohol//////yes and i have to be up for work in 5 hours

I FEEL VERY OFF.................................

and very sad by recent revalations...i truly never meant to offend you ALFFE...

And you truely didn't....you are a dear man! Go to bed!! *grin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spanish Moss (Post 197673)

Dear N. Hope (I'd like to think the "N" stands for "near"),

First - Thank you , dear Alffe for bringing this thread to my attention. I haven't been reading much with the things of the last few weeks.

Hope - your story rings familiar with me. 5 years ago my husband of 28 years also took his life ater 5 years of downward spiral with heavy drinking, drug abuse ( I found out after he died), quiting his job, pulling away from everything and everyone.

We had times through our marriage of dealing with heavy drinking (and pot), but he would always turn around and things would seem to be better. We had 2 children and he, though self centered, worked and was at least "around". In 2003 he quit his job of 23 years and just seemed to go down the tubes. I didn't know until after his death that he had become addicted to prescription drugs (including drugs that he obtained illegally like oxycontin and fentanyl). This, in addition to the alcohol, prescribed drugs (anti depressants, sleeping pills, anti-anxieties, and pain meds) - the combination of these in high enough levels together is how he died. It might have been considered accidental (my daughter still wants to believe this) but he left notes for all of us and there were 2 loaded hand guns next to him. I think that was his actual intent but the drugs got to him first. (and for that I am thankful).

The hardest thing for me is that it happened 3 weeks after I finally left him. (guilt - inducing....) I had tried so hard for so many years, lying to myself and putting on a good front for others. I confronted him many times and gave him my bottom line - he would "try" (or go underground, more likely) for a w hile, only to have it reoccur - worse each time. He was my high school sweetheart and we had a good life - nice home - 2 kids - wonderful friends and family. I desperatly wanted to grow old together and have our grandchildren snuggle in our laps and play in our yard. I wanted to carry on the family traditions and add to the wonderful memories we had built. I wanted to look into the eyes I had loved for so long after they became wrinkled and see that love returned. I guess that was why it took me so long to realize things were so bad.

Leaving him was one of the hardest things I have done - I know you understand that. It must have been so much harder for you with 2 little ones (mine were out of the house) and no where to go. (I went to my parents' home nearby). The night before he died, he called me and we had the best conversation - I was even thinking that maybe he was beginning a real change - the last thing we said to each other was "I love you" - and for that I am also grateful.

The aftermath was hard - although my family mostly accepted his death as suicide, I found only a few people that I could be totally, gut wrenchingly honest about the gammit of emotions. I continued my roles as the "protector", trying to be strong for everyone else and putting on a good face that I was moving on. I ended up moving 700 miles away eventually, which helped me deal with my "stuff" and start anew. It is now 5 years later and I am recently married to a wonderful man ("Who Moi") who has been very important in my journey of healing (still on it - like everyone).

The shock waves continue to ripple through our lives. But, like an onion peeling away layer by layer, healing comes closer. I still remember the good times and miss him and the life we had at one time - but it doesn't consume me. I cry, rage, remember,talk, and get through the next layer.

Sorry this was so lengthy - I just wanted you to know we share some common ground and there is a future for you and your girls. You sound like a wonderful mother and I applaud you for doing what you have done.

I agree about letting the girls talk and grieve and be angry. Let them say or feel whatever it is - talking it out takes away some of the sting.

Remind them often that it was not their fault (you would be suprised at how suicide brings guilt to the least suspecting).

Remind YOURSELF that is was not YOUR fault either.

Don't stop talking - find those few that will listen to whatever - whenever - even if it is this forum. Although you cannot see our faces, we ARE real and really here for you.

Take care of yourself. Stay healthy for you and your girls.

Feel free to contact me by my personal email (I will PM it to you).

Spanish Moss (Nan)

Oh my God! Where did YOU come from ??!!! Thank you Alffe! I am looking in a mirror. I was so consumed by this one this morning I had to get away from my computer for awhile. Nan, you have been behind my closed doors and have lived first hand what I have. You have seen what no one in my family or any friend of mine has seen. Even my very best friend did not believe me. No that wasn't being malicious, she was just stunned! She, however, continued to support my every move and pick me up through every challenge I hit with the legal brick wall. She cried when I sobbed. She took my children when I had to find myself again. However being my best friend for over 10 years, her family and mine were always doing the family things together, barbeques, outings, events. Her husband fell into my husbands vicious web that he had woven and was poisoned by all the lies. However, my best friend stayed true and ever supporting, but we no longer can continue with the family gatherings.

Just like you, I gave ultimatums and my husband would suddenly make this turn around for the better, but he would always fall back on the bottle. I am one of these people who rarely follow through with an ultimatum, always giving the person a 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance etc. The friend who took me and my girls in for the 5 days of our 9 days being homeless said I needed to make him "step up to the plate" and answer for his mistakes. Finally I did and for a year and a half had to put up with the horrible reprecusssions.

It is a horrible thing to say, but sometimes his death brings me comfort as he can no longer hurt me and my girls anymore. Just knowing he never would stop drinking and how I could not prevent him from seeing his children was terrifying. Even though I got the judge to see through the thick web my husband had woven in lies and order him under direct supervision with the girls and that he could no longer drive with the children, my attorney said it would not last forever.

Thinking back, I remember every time we would go out to eat and how many shot glasses of whiskey he had to have to get through the meal, and not to neglect the "beer backer". Every single time I would voluteer to drive home and he would shout "I'M FINE!" My God, he could have killed somebody! And then finding out while we were seperated his brother now tells me that he wrecked his truck twice. My kids could have been in it!

Are we really better off now? I really truly loved him and felt I grew up with him as we met in our early twenties. We went through so much over those years. I lost my husband, our "family", my dreams. Although, we are now safe physically, also I think mentally considering what he was saying to the children. An example: during one of his calls to my then 10 year old he told her that "he had built all our homes and how I had taken them all away".
He also stated "you know why I can't see you? Cause your mom's telling her lawyer and the judge all these lies about me". Another conversation he had with my 10 year old was how he had planted the seed in mommy and that is how she came along and that she was HIS! And he shouted to her "I'm going to get you back!!!" And then the damage to me and how he would pick fights with me, sometimes of something that had happened more than a decade ago. However, he had no memory of the things that he had said and this would lead to even bigger fights. One of our fights I told him I was sick of the lies. His reply "I learned it from you!"

Nan, thank you for your letter and no you did not carry on! For the people who have been through this, there is a lot to say.

I met this lady not to long ago at the swimming pool when taking my kids swimming and she was going through the same thing, but with a drug addict. At one point the subject of skin cancer came up (another drama I have been dealing with over the last year). I had just undertaken my 2nd surgery and informed they would have to go back in for more. I laughed when telling her and said "you know, there are other people out there going through a lot more than I am and I really shouldn't be complaining so much". The next day she brought me this huge bouguet of roses! My husband never brought me flowers unless I asked for them. I could count those times on one hand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by David McCallion (Post 198234)

Have I missed something here? Are my entries hurting people? I am so sorry, I just needed to be heard and have really truly appreciated the return. Trying not to feel like a hypocrit, I had a bottle of wine myself last night in front of a beautiful gas fireplace and bawled myself to sleep. Next thing I know I have two little girls making smores on my blanket and watching tv next to me. They were already tucked in for the night! Where is my time?! Nite nite David, please catch up with me after work tomorrow:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doody (Post 197220)

((Nohope)) Yay! You found us again! I'm so glad you did!

You're a survivor dearheart. You will make it. One day at a time. And everyone here is so glad you found us!

:hug:

You are right, one day at a time. I hope everyone has gotten my responses to their replys. I have made sure I didn't miss any thank you's. Unfortunetly not knowing my way around the computer I am unsure what went where and who got what and if. Sigh. Just wanted to say thanx to everyone for their heartfelt words:)

LOTS OF HOPE

Ignore me.............................please

YOU ARE NOT HURTING ANYONE.. but as humans your situatio does have an effect... IF it did'nt .........Whats the point of this web-site................