I don't know how I go here, just surfing the web. I read of several suicides and needed to talk. I am a recent widow of an acute alcoholic. Although all his family want to believe his death an accident, after 17 years marraige I knew him better than anyone and believe it to be intentional. I am left with two little girls, one of who will never remember her daddy and the other who will never forget. I am desperately trying to start a new life and even though I am on anti-depressants, I am an emotional wreck. Is there anyone out there who feels the need to talk and can listen to my pain?

I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate circumstances, and feel the pain in your writings. Hopefully you can find peace soon. Do you attend counseling of any kind to help you through this difficult time? Are there support groups available in your area, or a religious misson? You should reach out to a trusted community where people will be available one-on-one to help you.

nohope, I am so sorry you and your girls are having to go through this nightmare. It really is like no other...all the emotions that go with it..anger, guilt, denial and the why why why question. Please know that you have come to the right place to talk about it....we are here for you.

hello nohope
yes sure we listen

Thank you for hearing me. Maybe you could tell me how to use this sight and if you have any support groups and how I might be able to communicate with someone going through the same thing. Thank you so much!

You're doing just fine using this sight dear lady. I have experience with what you are going thru as we lost our son to suicide....18 yrs ago this January...he left an 8 year old son behind. After spending years trying to find out why he would do such an awful thing...I have accepted it as an impulsive act fueled
by drinking 1/2 bottle of brandy and not winning the lottery.

If you can find a suicide support group near you...please go to one. There was none in our town then...there is now. It sounds like you cannot talk to his family as they are in denial...not uncommon. But you need to talk about what you are feeling...and whatever you are feeling is normal! Trust me it is!

I am on vacation right now so am not "living on my computer" as I often do at home. But I check this sight at least twice a day. Please know that you are not alone and please continue to talk here.

Hi, you are so wonderful! Please let me know if you get this as I am unsure if I'm in the right area to type to you. I am so sorry about your son. Was he an alcoholic or was that just a one-time overdose? Is your grandson close to you?

The only thing getting me though day to day right now is the anger and resentment for what my husband has done. Literally, he threw us "all" away! I can't even begin to tell you of the last few years of my life, I'm just so glad you responded and would love to continue to communicate. I don't even know how I found this sight last night. I must have googled suicide or something, but when I found it, I just had to figure out how to get in (computer illeterate). I try not to communicate with his family because they completely shun my idea of suicide. They are even trying to petition the medical examiner to change the conclusion on the death certificate to that of "accident" instead of "undetermined" However, the clues are all over the place. I have no other family in town to help me and my friends who gave their condolences in October are back to their normal lifes. What's normal? My life came to an end more than 2 years ago and the only reason I am still here is for my little girls.

I have no insurance. My husband destroyed and financially devestated this beautiful family. Social Security only covers my bills now and leaves me nothing to live on. I owned a small business recently and was forced to close following his death and am now homebound because I can't afford childcare. My youngest will enter kindegarten in the fall and maybe at that time I can find a job or restart my company just to give me a reason to get up every morning. Until then, what kind of support groups are out there to give me someone who I can relate to?

I hope you are enjoying your vacation and thank you again for your response

Hi nohope,
I'm glad you found such a wonderful group of people here. I'm very sorry to read that it's under such difficult circumstances but I hope that we can assist you in getting some online support as well try to help you find some other practical support in your area or home town. At the top of the page here there are some threads which list other things including some 'useful websites'. e.g. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread238.html

Perhaps if you feel comfortable about telling us your general area, we might be able to direct you to a specific SOS group in your town or city. I'm in Australia which is a long way from most people who post here, but some of the websites listed show groups in the USA and we might be able to narrow it down closer to where you live.

I'm looking through the lists now so will post if I find the one I'm looking for which lists the different states. Also, if there appears to be nothing available in you area, it might be worth asking at the local doctor or better still a psychology centre if there's one near you. They are sure to have a list of resources locally.

keep talking and let us know where you're posting from (if you feel comfortable doing that) and once again, I'm glad you found this forum. Keep strong and know you're not alone. Also remember that while you may feel at this very moment that there is no hope, and we all understand that , I hope that as you find the support that can assist you, that you one day will see that there is hope. Just keep hanging on there.

Directory of SOS Support Groups

This is a list on the Foundation for Suicide Prevention website. They list USA states and also International sites by the look of it. Just click on the underlined link above.

Lara thank you for supplying the suicide support sites.

nohope (wish I could call you something else) look in your local newspaper or call a hospital or mental health center. That's often where the meetings take place...usually once a month. Some offer grief support groups which is better than no group at all, but suicide is such a complex mix of our emotions...try to hold out for that. They are called S.O.S...survivors of suicide which is what we are...the aftermath of our loved ones actions...those left behind. And the wonderful thing about them is that they know exactly how you are feeling without you saying a word. They have all lived this nightmare.

Also some offer a newsletter with very helpful articles and suggestions of books that will help. (I'm not clear if your husband killed himself in Oct or two years ago) If it was last Oct. you probably can't concentrate well enough to read yet. That whole first year was a blurr for me.

Our Michael was not an alcoholic but he did abuse the heck out of it on occasion...self medicating I would guess. He was a big, healthy, intelligent 32 yr. old with everything to live for....engaged, had a son who adored him....~sigh

I have struggled so hard to forgive and accept. You have a long journey ahead of you... please be very kind to yourself., we are here for you.