I will attempt to try and say again what i said on Saturday,

FIRST point though.............I Apologise if i offended anyone...that was not my intention.

Suicide is for most people a TABBO subject, an offence to the core of humanity, a dirty unspoken subject.....an abomination of life..etc...

CANCER has a similar ring to it........someone says they have cancer and, people are like rats running from a ship... those who you thought cared for you scurry away.....no-one ever broaches the subject or asks the most important question.... 'how are you,,,, really'?

Why do humans act in this way? because we are all scared of our own death...truly...even those who take their own life...[ and listening about someone Else's death or impending death...is naturally very upsetting]

As mere mortals TABOO'S are in place as a safety net...yet at times they are an obstacle to our own humanity.... it's much easier to cross the street to avoid someone Else's pain, and use the excuse 'i don't what to upset them, or offend them' ....It's harder to accept that you don't have the answers to peoples grief/loss/ or understanding of situations.

We can all hear but not everyone can listen,
At times anguish and pain can consume, it eats away, not having answers is soul destroying...but sadly there are at times no answers.

As a survivor in the opposite sense to most of you dear people, I try in my life now to resist the urge to go down that path [ more often than i would like]
I try to stress that 99% of suicide is illness based, wether thats addiction, mental health, pyshical health, or sheer fear and desperation....

An addict will only stop when they choose to, an illness will only end with medical intervention, or God chooses too... And fear and despertion will only end when humans, become more HUMAIN towards each other.


Greif is the hardest emotion known too mankind....and when life is cut short
The shock ten-folds.......its how you cope with that shock.

Freinds that diserted you when needed the most....possibly were not true friends.. they could be humans struggling with grief themselves... if we dont ask we will never know.

I spent many years concerned how others saw me, and judged my actions.... now i think if i can prevent one more person from killing themselves, through listening, offering a kind or supportive word, then my life was meant to be this way.. Who am i to question why i'm here on earth...

To name but a few,,,Ckepi, nohope, smiles, gizmogirl, XIE, Bamboo, Looking4hope, Sunnysidedown,Spanishmoss, dear ALFFE and so many more....
i Truely hear, and understand your pain... and my input is only added to help relieve you of some of the burden you carry.

David

Thanks for being here David. I hear you and I respect what you have to say.
You play a vital role by being here in (y)our/my forum. I hope you realize that.

David, I am so glad you are back! I really missed your replys. I have had a very bad day since a friend told me to find the core of my pain. I found it. I want my family back! The beautiful family it once was until destroyed by alcohol. You are truly blessed that you are here and able to enjoy your life with your cherished family. Count your blessings and live everyday fully.

dear david,
your mind ranges so widely and wisely. I hope it makes you happy to know how much people appreciate your additions to discussion.
Thanks,
Jane

Dear David..

I too am on the same spectrum as you... opposite from many on here. I have never lost anyone to suicide... no one that I personally knew that is.

I will say that suicide is the first thought in my brain each morning and the last each night. It's been this way for for over a year and a half now...

I come here to TRY and understand how my family and friends might feel...IF.

I don't want to hurt anyone and that's the only reason I have not....though I have attempted many times...

I have lost many friends due to my illness... many ran faster than lightening when I was diagnosed... other ran faster than that when depression was becoming obvious.

I don't have any answers... not many questions... I come here to read and I absorb... I don't talk much because I don't connect with most...

My closest touch with suicide other than my own attempts was shortly after my graduation when a good friend of mine called me early one Halloween and he sounded "funny"... I knew he should have been in school. We talked for a bit and he hung up...I don't know why but for some reason I immediately called another friend and told her to come get me NOW (i didn't have a car)...

We arrived at my friends house and everything was closed up... I knew he was there but he wouldn't answer.... I ran next door and grabbed a couple of construction men (new sub-division being built). We ran back, they tried every door...finally...I was resting against the garage door and I noticed it was vibrating... yes... the car was running. One of the men ripped the garage door off... was told by docs at the ER...5 more seconds and he would be gone...long story short...my friend is still on this earth but has never spoken a single word to me since.


I know all of that doesn't make sense...but wanted you to know some of my story...but also that I do read and connect with yours....

Abbie

Thank you dear Abbie. You are not alone in those feelings and I thank you for saving your friend...he may resent it but those who love him are spared from a lifetime of grief.

((((((((Abbie)))))))))
bless your heart for listening to your gut and hearing your friend's cry for help.

I think depression has made him ashamed and he's bought into the stigma attached to the elephant in the room.
I hope you can (or have) forgiven him for not reaching you.

I want to say so much ... have written and deleted.... and have decided to simply give that support of a hug Abbie
You are not alone.

((((((((david)))))))) I hope you're having a good day ... or night.... I think I'm 8 hours behind here on the west coast of Canada.

everyone

First to David...
Seem's I inadvertantly hijacked your thread... I'm sorry.


As far as what happened with my friend... This happened years ago... My response was a true gut instinct because he never led anyone to believe he may be suicidal... a bunch of us had been out together the night before and he was the same as he had always been.

There was/is nothing to forgive...I knew he wouldn't speak to me or see me again... In a strange way...I've always been okay with that. I know he's alive and happy...and has married and has little one's of his own. That is the best thing for me to know about him!



As far as me... I just know that I don't ever want to hurt anyone...



Abbie

Abbie


YOUR POST- MYPOST .....................HIJACK/SCHMIJACK[ who cares Abbie]

If we get a message out dear girl were doing ok.

Your Freinds Silence speaks VOLUMES.... Maybe your not meant to hear it....

but ...by your actions he willl let others hear..........i promise you.

A saying 'Beware you may be entertaining Angels unaware'

Your friend though he no longer speaks to you.....:: met an Angel when he met you dear Lady.

David

David,

I am very glad you are here with us. I agree with you on well everything you had to say.

It is a very taboo subject and very emotional. I am thankful for every one here who is strong enough to share their story and wisdom with us.

While in some ways I am pretty far along in the process it took me much longer because I lacked caring understanding people I could talk to about this.

I hope by being here I can not only gain insight and comfort from the rest of you but I hope maybe I can help some one like me cope more easily and know that they are safe and cared about here.

I hope that they know I understand them truly and deeply from that place that one cannot reach without having been touched by suicide.

I hope that maybe someone trapped in that abyss can come here and feel our love and desire to be there for them. For them to know that we do not judge their actions but are simply here to share and understand and give a cyber hug when needed.