This is very comforting. Thanks for sharing this with me. I believe what you say to be true...

Most of my life, I always thought of God as all-powerful and judgemental. I was forever afraid of dying. A long time ago, a friend reached out to me in a time of trouble and told me how she thought of Jesus as a friend. It was then that Jesus became human to me and I found great comfort in that knowledge. And even more recently, another friend helped me realize that God is the embodiment of love, and ever since then I have been able to see God as a loving father.

With all that said, it hurts to admit the self-loathing that I have been feeling towards myself lately. It is scaring me. I thought that I had worked through all of this before. I feel so unlovable. And I guess because of that, it also explains why I haven't been feeling God's presence in my life. I feel so alone and am tired of fighting the fight.

I long for the joy in the morning, but I haven't been able to see it.

I truly hope you are right, that by talking about it, I am helping myself.

Thank you so much.