While I am not a survivor of suicide I thought this would be the best place to create a thread compared to the depression forum. I have been struggling with anxiety for most of my life which has brought on depression (I am now fifteen). Depression is now the big problem and is completely controlling my life. It has pretty much crippled me mentally. I have pushed away all my friends because of it and I cannot function properly. Some of you may know what I mean Anyway, yesterday I was going to commit suicide. I am tired of waiting for help. My mother (she is a single parent and does not work do to arthritis) cannot afford any fancy or good therapy for me but I am going to see a psychiatrist in about eight months. I don't really want to because I have had bad experience with prescription drugs in the past and I do not believe it helps at all. Pretty much I am tired of waiting for some silly old man to give me a bunch of medication that will just mess me up anyway. I have been tired of holding it all in and waiting. I am tired of the depression and anxiety. So I had a plan (to overdose) and the means to do it (LOTS of pills) and even a note. I don't really want to go into details. Anyway, my mother came into my room and found out my intentions. She phoned a CRISIS line despite my protests and some guys came over. They gave me the option of going to the hospital or staying home under the supervision of my mother. I decided to stay home because I have separation anxiety and was exhausted. So that was yesterday. TODAY one of the men from the CRISIS line came over to talk about what is next. He talked to my doctor and she wants to put me in the hospital so I am safe. I don't really want to because of my separation anxiety and because I have never spent the night in a hospital before. They would just take me to the normal hospital but later transfer me to one that specializes in people like me. He gave me another option which would be to see a councilor right away (well, tomorrow) to help me with my problems. I chose the second option. Here is the problem. My doctor has the right to overrule my choice and send me to the hospital. Knowing her, there is an 80% chance of that happening. I actually packed a bag I am so certain that she will send me away. I guess I am okay with that because I am afraid that once I go to the councilor and talk about my problems I will get even more depressed and will make a successful suicide attempt. I often will get suicidal when talking about my problems so I am wondering if being hospitalized is the best option. I'm also very ashamed that I didn't kill myself, as silly as that may sound. I just wanted to know if any of you have any advice on what to do, or if any of you have been hospitalized what is it like?

Thanks,
Aoibheann

I think having the wonderful opportunity of inpatient care is relaxing. Everyone cares and caters to YOU. You will meet other people who are in the same position. Talking about it is the best remedy. Over the last year, I found out that I was not alone. The more I talked, the more I was blown away by others dealing with similar circumstances. I too have been suicidal many times, but have "bucked up" knowing there is better out there, I just have to be patient. You are 15! There is a whole life out there waiting for you to love. Embrace yourself, move forward and gather all the information you can to get you through this difficult time. Just by approaching your school counselor, you will find they will listen and for however long you want them to. When my husband commited suicide, I immediately put my 11 year old in counseling and was stunned at the outcome. You remember how many people cherish you. Put the ill thoughts aside. Accept you need help and take it. People really do care and want to help, you just got to ask I will be thinking about you and praying for your happiness. I haven't found mine yet, but am able to get through each day watching my little girls and dreaming for a better life.

Keep posting, we all care

I am so glad you found this forum to talk about it! Welcome!

Just a real big hug for you.

Aoibheann ~ This is a glorious place to talk all you want. I've talked so much my fingers hurt And these fantastic people keep listening and loving.

Here's a hug ... a sincere hug

Aoibheann...I've read that the antidote to depression is to surround yourself with people who care. Let your loved ones help you.

Aoibheann.

Firsftly young man may i congratulate you for the eliquant way you constructed your first post here, your writing skills . [which you also list in your profile as a hobby are truly visible]

This lead me to an idea and sugesstion for you... Why don't you take the oppotunity to go into hospital for a while, it will give you a place of safet, and also give mom a break and added reassurance you will be supported proffessionaly through this traumatic time in your life.

I attempted Suicide over 15 years ago and sadly i still feel utter remorse for that time, i have since then had repeated depression and continued to experience the dark side now and then. But the idea of beating depression or anxiety is no longer in my head, i just learn to manage it one day at a time....

currently with medication , in the past talk therapies. etc.....

Personal frustration about your condition exhaserbates it....and at times we have to see are life as a circle with us in the centre... occassionaly when your very low... stand outside this circle... and look into your life and see it from another perspectve....

WE ONLY REACH OUR GOALS IN LIFE BY OVERCOMING OUR OBSTACLES.


IF YOU DO HAVE TO GO TO HOSPITAL TAKE PLENTY OF PENS AND PAPER ...WRITE OUT YOUR FEELINGS YOUR THOUGHTS, EVEN YOUR LIFE STORY AS YOU FEEL IT.


You sound like an inteligent young man, with a maturity obove your years. use an situation placed before you as a oppotunity to succeed.
#


And remember YOU MATTER IN THIS WORLD

Dont succum to this cruel illness called depression accept it and MANAGE it and you truly can lead an exciting life ....all be it a bit hairy now and then .... but you'llknow your really alive...


David

Just thinking about you and wondering how today went? Any news?

(((((((((( safe hugs ))))))))))

I'm so glad you've come and will keep you in my thoughts.

You may very well be in the hospital at this point, but I want to say how incredibly caring and brave a decision you've made to be open to allow others to care for you when it's so difficult to care for yourself.

We'll be here, keeping you in our thoughts.

KD