That's survivor guilt talking dearheart. I think you are right about her comfort zone...she was self medicating to dull the pain. But you can't "save someone" who doesn't want to be saved. You might have delayed the act but she was going down that road. :grouphug:

You know that I think you are most courageous BJ. One of my hero's. :hug:

((BJ)) You are a remarkable woman and I am so thankful we have you here. As the others have said, she was going to make that decision no matter what, whether you visited or not, so please don't take on any guilt.

Bless her heart. Some may not think so, but I think she's gone on to make things right for herself and be in a better place.

Many hugs and lots of love ((BJ)).

I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

......................... http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/h...hsympathy1.gif

Oh Bp. So much to deal with. So many life's harsh dealings. Benton and now your friend. Someone posted to me that if they couldn't stop their husband's alcohol abuse, what made them think they could stop suicide. I am trying so hard to remember who that was, forgive me. I really feel your friend wanted to say good bye. Much like my husband's oldest brother called "to talk" with my husband before he did it and my husband was at the coast. No matter what you could have offered, she was destined to end her pain. Whether it be from her careless family lack of attitude or just knowing she could not pull out of her weakness. Doesn't matter, it is all too painful no matter what way we look at it. Reading your post makes me cry for my significant other. However I feel, I know he is in a beautiful place now and in no pain, much like your friend. He just doesn't understand the wake of grief he left behind, just like her.

I am so happy I found this site. Whenever I am down or even having a good day, I can come here and post away. Honey, don't wrack yourself with guilt. Whether you had contact or not that evening the inevitable would have still taken place. God, I just so wish I could take your pain away. Maybe I should be speaking for myself. God bless. We love you and are so glad you are here.

I kinda wish they'd make a rainbow bridge for our loved ones....................................

I am sorry that you lost a friend....you have so few people that you call friends....you will still feel her presense...I believe that.
take care of yourself.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I called her mom last night to see how she was holding up. It seems like she was doing quite well, I heard music playing and she had been drinking heavily. I wanted to know more about what happened and what she found when she went there. She was in bed, music was playing and the phone was in her lap along with her phone book. There was an empty bottle of Tequila on the nightstand. I asked her mom if she had spoken to her that night. She said they hadn't spoken in several days because K threated her with suicide. She told me that K was just trying to get attention and she's done this before. All I sad was that was your own daughter not some stranger. She then hung up on me.

I've read a lot about suicide and they don't want death, they just want the pain to stop. And K certainly had a lot of pain in her life including her own family. She told me over and over how she felt abandoned by her own family and of the horrible fights she had with her mom. I just don't get it. I checked my cell phone and she did call me at 10:35 but left no message, just a noise came through. They said she died somewhere around 10:45 so she was trying to reach me but I wasn't there for her. I don't know how I'm going to be able to face her mom today. I wonder if she'll even shed a tear.

I have slid into the computer room here at the hotel shhh dont tell.I wanted to say how sorry i am to hear of your loss BP. you are in my thoughts. I know that others cant connect when they dont understand but it seems like you two understood each other and the loss i am sure is felt and it hurts. hugs to you BP. :hug:
PEACE
BMW

(((BJ))) "K"s mother will have the rest of her life to deal with the could haves, should haves, if only's. Right now she is in shock and dealing with her pain, as her daughter did, with alcohol.

I have no memory at all of our Michaels' funeral...it was/is just a blurr.
This woman's life is forever changed...maybe that's what your friend wanted..we'll never know what was in her mind. I believe that God was there with her at that moment.

What I know for sure, and I know that you do too, is it's the beginning of a very long nightmare. We can't go back because everything is forever changed.

Warm hugs and I'm off to church...guess who's in my prayers? :hug:

You don't have to go today BJ.
Yesterday, I did not go with my hubby to a students services who died in an accidental shooting...I told him that I did not want the emotional pain....It is called preservation.
bizi

I love you BJ - I wish you peace and comfort