Hi again everyone,

I'm writing this post because I need some advice for a friend of mine that I work with. She has been dealt a crappy hand in life and it seems no matter how hard she tries, bad things just keep coming.

Her best friend of over 20 years recently died of cancer. She was heartbroken over the loss. She spent several days in New York with the woman's family so she could help them grieve. She told me this morning that the woman's youngest son committed suicide Sunday night because he couldn't deal with the pain of losing his mother. My friend is beside herself right now. I've told her and told her that if she needs anything, all she has to do is ask. My question is this: Is there something I can do for her, say to her that will help her? She has given so much to so many people including me and I hate to see her in so much pain. I want to help her but don't know how. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi mutton....I am late in welcoming you to our forum "family"...watching the elections last night and got carried away with them. *grin

Feeling Goofy (Vickey) is right..it's important to talk about what we are feeling..we have all had those thoughts and we are here to hold each other up when we are going through a rough patch.

Your co-worker can help her grieving friend in N.Y. by listening to her, really listen to her..by telling her that what she is feeling is normal for someone who is going to have to live with the aftermath of a loved ones suicide. She will need a lot of time and a lot of understanding because it's a very long journey.

And she probably won't call to ask....She should call her and ask.

We lost our son to suicide many years ago and I couldnt/wouldn't talk about his death...therefore I couldn't talk about his wonderful life and the joy he brought to so many people. Talking is the key to healing from this nightmare.

There are a couple of "short" excellent books she might get for her...few words (because it's almost impossible to concentrate) and lot's of lovely pictures. One is called The Next Place and the other is Tear Soup.

I'm so sorry she has to go through this double wammy...you sound like a good and caring friend. And also remember...as David would say, You take care of You.

I think by being there and available to listen is probably more than the best of anything.

I think everyone is different, some folks like to hold it in, and NOT talk about things, some folks like to be open and talk and talk and talk and release it.

But I am certain that we ALL could use a listener when we need it.

I think maybe a card stating that you are here to listen(which I am sure you have been) and then just let her open to you, might be one of the things that you can do.

Of course, I am sure many others will have much better idea than mine. I agree with a lot of what Alpho stated also.

nice meeting you

*wave

I Agree ...by letting her know you are there to listen ,there for her to talk to is one of the best things that can and probly will help her. telling her in person and giving her a note or card to read when she is alone are both good things /ways to let her know.
I am sorry to hear of such a sad thing and know it isnt an easy road for her to be on.
Peace

How is your friend doing mutton...any light in her tunnel yet?

When I talked to her today, she seemed relieved that the family has decided not to have a memorial service. She said she didn't think she could handle another one. I keep just trying to let her know that I'm here for her if she needs someone or something. I almost gave her the address to come here, but I didn't. Maybe when I see her again on Monday I'll suggest it to her.

Thanks for asking

mutton to you and your friend
keep on letting her know you are there for her ,to listen to her and be there .
it takes time for the talk to come so just keep letting her know
PEACE
BMW

That sounds so familiar...enough is sometimes more than enough! You are doing the right thing in letting her know that you are here for her. And yes, please, send her out way if you think we can help.

It's refreshing to see that there are still caring people in the world. I swear every day I become more and more jaded that there is any kindness left in people.

Thank you to everyone for helping me to see that there is some light left in the world. I will be sure to direct my friend here should she feel she needs it.

Thank you again

You're most welcome dear lady...we are here for you too anytime you want to talk.