CATLUVR

holding you close in my prayers and thoughts.

(((catluvr123))) I'm so sorry you've had such a bad day and I'm praying that things get better in a big hurry.

Hi Catluver,

I regret to say that I haven't had a chance to read the rest of the posts, so I apologize if what I'm saying has already been said.

Have you considered that perhaps your mind is unknowingly blocking those dates because you are remembering a date that is filled with good memories (the birthdates) rather than tragedy (the death dates)?

Also, as far as a gravesite is concerned, why not find a place that you feel comfortable at that will allow you to remember your family with good memories (perhaps a quiet lake, a solitary tree, somewhere you can be alone with your thoughts to remember them)? There is no rule written in stone that you have to memorialize loved ones at a gravesite. Make your own place to remember them. This way, not only is it peaceful and quiet, it's also a place that you feel comfortable at. Like I said, there are no rules concerning death and how one is supposed to remember those who have passed.

My best wishes are with you. I do hope you are able to get through this difficult time.

Muttontastic - What a great idea! I had not thought of enjoying a pleasant or quiet place to remember my family. Maybe I am lucky; a gravesite might be to dreary for me right now. Thanks!

((catluvr))

We held on to my sister's ashes all winter. In the spring of 87 on Easter morning, we spread her ashes in 3 different places, all places she loved. I firmly believe that where the bodies lie is not where they are at, and in my sister's case, wasn't really places to go 'visit'. So, I planted a tree in her honor at her most favorite spot. And placed a small plaque in her memory there. That's where I sometimes go visit, but not often.

I visit her wherever I am, talk to her sometimes. I know she's everywhere.

Maybe as Mutton suggested you also could find a place

I must say I am a little amazed at your mom's request, but only because I talked with my daughter about that as well. I want to be wherever she will be. She took it quite well. Well, first she rolled her eyes at me. But then she understood. Your mom must love you very very much dear lady.

I'm a little late with your hug but it's heartfelt Catluver.. You have every reason to feel overwhelmed with everything you have been through and are facing. We do whatever brings us comfort with our loved ones remains or whatever they wanted us to do.

They aren't really here you know but "tumbling through the universe"...
I hope you are feeling some better and I'm saying prayers for your surgery on Wednesday.

Hugs for the room.

Catluvr I hope you find these words comforting. I know they’ve been around a long time but sometimes you need to be reminded of it. I spend a lot of time at my family’s graves and my pdoc and tdoc have both told me that it’s just a piece of slab, they’re not there which I find quite heartless. I went today after church and just intended to put flowers on my mom’s grave and ended up staying a long time. But I have always found these words to speak to my heart and remind me that my loved ones are still with me, all around me. It is in this spirit that I pass these words along to you.


DO NOT STAND AT MY
GRAVE AND WEEP

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.


I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.


When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.


Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!


Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.


I am the song that will never end.
I am the love of family and friend.
I am the child who has come to rest
In the arms of the Father
who knows him best.


When you see the sunset fair,
I am the scented evening air.
I am the joy of a task well done.
I am the glow of the setting sun.


Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.


Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Thank you so much BP. The poem and your words of comfort are really appreciated.

I think I should have taken more thought before joining this forum. Bringing up suicide reveals so many raw nerves / emotions. Even though it has been a while since my brother & sister's suicides I don't know if I can tough it out by bringing them up again. Is this just a defense mechanism or should I try back later?

Thank you for remembering my surgery on Wednesday. I'm a nervous wreck but looking forward to the results!

catluver...you come first! You do what ever you are comfortable with including lurking for awhile. With one exception....we'll want to hear about your surgery.

It's really really hard to talk about suicide...I dragged my feet all day about calling my neighbor. I feel so guilty about that.