I read what Alffe wrote and it really touched a nerve with me. I've been having a hard time figuring out how to say what I want to say so I hope that this makes sense. Maybe some piece of this will make sense to someone other than me. I hope so.

Recently, I have lost a good friend to suicide. I lost my brother to suicide and both my parents to heart attacks within a year of each other. The one thing that these people all have in common is that they have had no control over what has happened to them. This does not make coping with their loss any easier.

All of these people have contributed to the person that I am today, and I am so grateful to have known them. Many of you know reading this, that I have attempted and I've wanted to die and last summer I thought about how it could happen and how it wouldn't be so bad. But the rational side of me knows what it would do to the ones who love me. Its true there is no one in my life right now besides Hooper but who knows, I could meet the man of my dreams tomorrow. I don't see myself as someone people should miss, but I could never hurt the ones I love by ending my life.

There are so many people who never have the chance to do the things they wanted to do because they have died. I know that because I am alive I can do so many things. I can do this in honor of my brother who was unable to do them.

But what if I do meet that someone? Everyday that I don't spend time with that person, I would be so afraid that they will leave me here to try to live my life without them. Just thinking about the possibility that the worst case scenario might one day become my reality makes me physically ill. It makes me cry. It makes me cry a lot.

So many of you are fortunate enough to have people who love you and care about you and would be devastated that they will never have a chance to talk to you, see you, or feel you ever again. No matter how alone you feel and how much you think no one would miss you or that the world would be better off without you----------YOU ARE WRONG. I hope deep down inside you can find a light (it might be really dim!) to realize that "Each life has its place." That means everyone, every last person on this earth. You might not know it yet, but there are things for you to contribute to this world and if you don't the world will miss out!

I'm not sure what will happen to me after I die. But I know what I can do while I'm alive. I want more than anything to live my life with someone I love because it is sharing my life with that special person that means the world to me. I say this knowing that I am just one person. I am one person who has love for one person more than words could ever describe or explain. I am one of the people that loves those of you that come here each and everyday. Come here if this helps you make it to tomorrow. Many people have a hard time coping with knowing a loved one wants to die. As you know these people can do and say the wrong things out of fear and frustration and the wrong time. Please know that it doesn't mean they don't care or won't miss you.

To those of you with whom I've spoken, I WOULD miss you. To those of you whom I've yet to meet, I WOULD miss you too. I WOULD miss you because there are so many things to share with the world and I wouldn't have a chance to experience that.

Fight to hold on for another day for yourself and the people who love you. When you wake up tomorrow try to do the same. Please know that each day you will bring joy to the ones you love because they have the opportunity to spend one more day with you.

When I was in the hospital last summer my pdoc told me everyone is like a pebble dropped into the middle of a pond. Every pebble creates ripples that stop only because they meet the land. Just know your pond is the size of an ocean. You have so much to share with the world. Let the ripples stop when they stop by themselves, don't force them to stop.

Please don't give up. You can do so much that you've not yet done. You make the world what it is so make it a place you would like to stay and share it. Share it with the ones you love and those who love you and those who will love you that you've not yet met.

Each life has its place, alive, right here on earth.

Sorry for rambling on and on but this has been bothering me all day and I needed to get it out.

powerful.

i am honored to have you in my life bj. i would have missed not knowing you.

candle.gif
leaving a glimmer.

You are an inspiration to me BJ!!!!!! I am so thankful that God allowed our paths to cross!!!!!

Dear BJ

I am so glad you have reached this stage, of your journey in life.
The compassion and understanding that I hear in your words, are a true inspiration.

Your post has made my day

THANK YOU

David

BP

thank you so much for this. I have a friend that needs to hear this and I will print it for him. It says all that needs saying. I just couldn't put it in words. Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts.

Dottie

(((BJ))) It's ok if I start the day in tears because these are happy ones..I think you are beginning to see yourself as we have always seen you...you have such inner strength and courage..you are the real definition of a survivor my dear friend.

Is it an easy journey? Absolutely not but you are such an incredible example of what a person can do to try and chizel out a better place in this world.

You deserve to be loved...you most certainly are loved here.

You know what words you said Alffe that made me post this? Just two words.....copper sailboat. I couldn't get that thought out of my mind all day for some reason. It just sent my mind thinking and thinking of why people do it, why people leave us here hurting so much.

Alffe

BJ, I am sure there will be lots of people printing out your post, me being one of them.

Thank you so much for this.

As a matter of fact I just printed it, reread it and found so much more that touched me! I now plan to share this with my son who is having a rough time right now.

this deserves a bump!
bizi