I hope you get this .... I know today is so so very hard for you
Please know your are kept in my thoughts and prayers.

The Koala's thinking of you too!

And so are the Alffes.....

And the Goofy person is too

and also the moi moi and the toi toi's...

and the monkey's.

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still thinking about you today

Thanks everyone. I didn’t know this was here or I would have come sooner. I spent most of the day at Mark’s grave which is right next to my mom and dad’s graves. And believe me I have the sunburn to prove it. I put a NY Yankee helmet on his grave and a baseball bat.

This is so hard for me but for those that don't know, my brother hung himself in our bathroom and I was the one to find him the next morning. It was the day after his graduation from middle school. There was no clue that anything was wrong. His only dream was to pitch for the NY Yankees. My mom and dad talked to his coaches and teammates and they didn’t notice anything different. He was just Mark. He lived baseball, that’s all he thought about. He graduated, my mom and dad took pictures and then we went out. We came home and spent a little quality time together and then we all went to bed. And then the next morning I found him in the bathroom.

I sat at his grave today and talked and talked to him and told him I want to know why.

I want to know why you didn’t tell mom and dad you were in pain Mark. But more importantly why didn’t you tell me, we had such a strong bond and we were inseparable.

I want to know why you acted like all was well in the world when we were in Wildwood the previous weekend. No one saw anything in your eyes or behavior Mark to give us a clue to what you would do.

I want to know if you realize that mom and dad suffered over this. Not only did I lose you I lost them too. Mom was never “herself” again, always saying she should have known and she wasn’t a good mother. Dad, well he seemed to turn his back on me. I know he loved you better because you were a boy but he was my dad. But now you’re all gone and I have such emptiness in my heart.

I want to know why you keep coming to me in my dreams and telling me everything is okay. Mark everything is not okay, I miss you terribly.

I want to know that you’re in Heaven Mark.

I want you to know that yes I’m angry but I still love you.

I just put his pic in my album now that the whole world won’t see it. This was one week before he committed suicide. There were other pictures my dad took at his graduation but my mom destroyed them saying that wasn’t her son. This was my baby brother and the only thing on his mind was weather he was too sunburned to pitch that week. And he did and won two games. And today he’d be in his prime, pitching for the NY Yankees.

Looking through other's posts I see them speechless. They so feel your pain, but nothing they can do. Even though this was a while ago it is permanently etched into your mind. He was your brother. You were close. WHY? WHY? WHY? There was a reason that he held secretive and close to himself of why he would perform such tradgedy. He was not thinking of the aftermath and the damage he would do to others, he was just thinking of himself. Like all of us.

I am so sorry for your pain, but remember, he is in a much brighter place now. You love him and bringing him to our attention, we truly care. God bless Mark.

(((BJ))) Thank you for sharing that, I do know how hard it was. Your mothers reaction to Marks killing himself reminds me of my reaction when our son killed himself and my neighbors recent reaction to her son killing himself. My son wouldn't do that! And of course when the reality finally sinks in ....WHY???

We can't know for sure..at least not in this life. Some people have demons they can't live with and some people just tire of trying. I think our Michael killed himself impulsively, without any forethought, without any consideration of what it would do to our family...I think he just said "scew it" and reached for that gun.

I have no doubt that had they known what that act would do to their loved ones they'd still be with us. They made bad choices for reasons only they know for sure.

I like to think of Mark, upthere swinging that bat.

Talking about it BJ, is a good thing. Thank you.