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35 things Not to say to someone depressed:

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....FromSpikols blog:
from Terry, who, inspired by Jan T., has written his list of
"35 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed":
Don’t let it eat you up.
You’ve got to get over it.
You’ve been down and out too long.
People are beginning to talk.
Don’t be an idiot things aren’t that bad.
If you just get out of bed and take a shower and get dressed you’ll feel a whole lot better.
It’s all in your head.
You’re a great guy you have all it takes so why throw it away.
Get better for the sake of the family if you can’t do it for yourself.
Think about your mother and how this must make her feel.
I’d like to but I just don’t get it.
What you need is tough love.
You don’t fool me with this depression crap you’re just lazy.
Wake up and smell the roses.
Everybody is worried about you.
Why is it always about you?
If you’d get over yourself and rejoin the human race you’d feel better.
Things can’t be all that bad?
You used to be such a nice guy.
You’re such a loser.
You set the bar too high; don’t be so hard on yourself.
It’s just SAD get yourself one of those lamps.
All you need is a girlfriend.
Are you still hung up on Cathy?
What’s got into you?
A couple of tokes and you’ll be fine.
I met this guy who was depressed….
Everybody is worried about you.
You should get out more.
I know exactly how you feel.
We all get a little depressed now and then it’s nothing to lose sleep over.
Let’s go out get something to eat have a few beers and see what happens.

THE FOUR WORST WORDS ...
To say to anyone in crisis or depression:
"JUST
GET
OVER
IT"
Just get over it? You have got to be kidding me!
Now, these four words could be said in a manner of kindness from those that do not know better. Those who love you. Those you live with. Lord forgive them; for they know not what they say!
But even with the best of intentions these four words cut deep -- deep into my soul, my heart, my confidence. Trauma of any kind is hard to process, to work through. It is an unexpected event that alters the course of your life. And we are supposed to "just get over it"?
Why? To make them feel better? Our friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors. Because if we get over it, that gives all of them assurance that nothing bad will ever come to them. It gets our problems off their minds. It's like somehow our dysfunctional recovery helps to create their denial.
Then there are the pity offerings. The phone calls, emails, cards. All with "Thinking of you," "In our prayers," "Call me if you need me" (which really means, Please leave me alone).
And then there are the ones who tell you, "I wish I could be there to help you. If only I had the time. If only I didn't have my kids, my job, my theater group." Whatever the excuse, they feel it gives them absolution. That by their superficial intentions, that they are off the hook. Please, I say, put your pity back in your pocket!
Funny, though: Sooner or later, traumatic experiences, crisis, even depression touch everyone in some way. Someday, somehow, somewhere to you or someone you love.
So please:
Don't take pity on me. Help me love me, be my friend, my spouse, my child.
Don't send false promises. Be real, be honest, be open.
Don't be angry with me. I am trying my best.
Don't ignore me. Ignoring doesn't gaurantee immunity.
Don't talk down to me. I'm fighting the fight of my life.
But worst of all, don't tell me, "just get over it," "this too shall pass," "there are some worse off," or my personal favorite: "jump back on that horse!" Because by doing that you invalidate me and you lie to yourself.
All I need -- all I really need -- is time, your love, a shoulder, a hug, a concerned ear to listen, and a soft place to fall.
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...uicide_suicide

What You Can Do to Help Someone

Among the many things you can do to help someone who is depressed and may be considering suicide, simply talking and listening are the most important. Do not take on the role of therapist. Often, people just need someone to listen. Although this might be difficult, the following are some approaches that have worked for others:

• Express empathy and concern.
  Severe depression is usually accompanied by a self-absorbed, uncommunicative, withdrawn state of mind. When you try to help, you may be met by your loved one’s reluctance to discuss what he or she is feeling. At such times, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of the pain and hopelessness he or she is experiencing. Resist the urge to function as a therapist. This can ultimately create more feelings of rejection for the person, who doesn't want to be "told what to do." Remain a supportive friend and encourage continued treatment.
• Talk about suicide.
  Talking about suicide does not plant the idea in someone’s head. Your ability to explore the feelings, thoughts and reactions associated with depression can provide valuable perspective and reassurance to your friend or loved one who may be depressed. Not everyone who thinks of suicide attempts it. For many, it's a passing thought that lessens over time. For a significant number of people, however, the hopelessness and exaggerated anxiety brought on by untreated or under-treated depression may create suicidal thoughts that they can’t easily manage on their own. For this reason, take any mention of suicide seriously.
  
  If someone you know is very close to suicide, direct questions about how, when and where he or she intends to commit suicide can provide valuable information that might help prevent the attempt. Don’t promise confidentiality in these circumstances. It’s important for you to share this information with the individual’s doctor.
• Describe specific behaviors and events that trouble you.
  If you can explain to your loved one the particular ways his or her behavior has changed, this might help to get communication started. Compounding the lack of interest in communication may be guilt or shame for having suicidal thoughts. Try to help him or her overcome feelings of guilt. If there has already been a suicide attempt, guilt over both the attempt and its failure can make the problem worse. It’s important to reassure the individual that there’s nothing shameful about what they are thinking and feeling. Keep stressing that thoughts of hopelessness, guilt and even suicide are all symptoms of a treatable, medical condition. Reinforce the good work they’ve done in keeping with their treatment plan.
• Work with professionals.
  Never promise confidentiality if you believe someone is very close to suicide. Keep the person’s doctor or therapist informed of any thoughts of suicide. If possible, encourage them to discuss it with their doctor(s) themselves, but be ready to confirm that those discussions have taken place. This may involve making an appointment to visit the doctor together or calling the doctor on your own. Be aware that a doctor will not be able to discuss the person’s condition with you. You should only call to inform the doctor of your concern.
  
  Whenever possible, you should get permission from your loved one to call his or her doctor if you feel there’s a problem. Otherwise, it could be seen as "butting in" and may worsen the symptoms or cause added stress. Of course, if you believe there is a serious risk of immediate self-harm, call his or her doctor. You can work out any feelings of anger the person has towards you later.
• Stress that the person's life is important to you and to others.
  Many people find it awkward to put into words how another person's life is important for their own well-being. Emphasize in specific terms to your friend or loved one how his or her suicide would devastate you and others. Share personal stories or pictures to help remind your loved one of the important events in life you’ve shared together.
• Be prepared for anger.
  The individual may express anger and feel betrayed by your attempt to prevent their suicide or help them get treatment. Be strong. Realize that these reactions are caused by the illness and should pass once the person receives proper treatment.
• Always be supportive.
  People who have thought about, or attempted, suicide will most likely have feelings of guilt and shame. Be supportive and assure them that their actions were caused by an illness that can be treated. Offer your continued support to help them recover.
• Take care of yourself.
  It’s not uncommon for friends and family members to experience stress or symptoms of depression when trying to help someone who is suicidal. You can only help by encouraging and supporting people through their own treatment. You cannot get better for them. Don’t focus all of your energy on the one person. Ask friends and family to join you in providing support and keep to your normal routine as much as possible. Pay attention to your own feelings and seek help if you need it.