(((BJ))) It's wonderful to wake up to news of you..even if you sound so sad. I think you need cheering up so I'm going to go shopping...*grin.
I'll let you know when the box is in the mail. Hug Hooper for me...better yet, take him to the park.

Thinking of you BJ

so good to see you post and checking in thinking of you and sending my prayers

(((((((((((((((BJ))))))))))))))))

I have such a fear of abandonment, that's why I isolate myself. My mom, dad and my brother are all gone. They were my world, they were my soul. I wish I wasn't like this. I read a quote "Tearless grief bleeds inwardly". And I'm grieving inside. But this isn't me, it's the depression talking. But by not taking my meds, maybe I'll get high, not depressed anymore.

Yesterday I drove to the house I grew up in. I haven't been there since my mom passed away. I pulled over at the side of the road across from the house and sobbed. I am crying right now. The loss of my Mom, my whole family, and how it has affected me is impossible to relay. I loved them more than anything in the world and years after their death I am still having a really difficult time accepting I will never see them again.

I am so sorry that you are struggling with all of this.
Please tell me that you are still taking your meds....
What dose of lamictal are you on?
I am worried.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Goodmorning BJ....

In many ways you remind me of me when our Michael killed himself. I didn't grieve "properly"....I didn't know it at the time but I refused to talk about it. For 8 yrs I wouldn't talk about what he did so I couldn't move on to "why" and all the other stuff survivors need to go thru to move forward.

Finding Mark hanging is a picture you'll never get out of your mind...and your taking on the responsibility for it by hiding his note only adds to your guilt. Now it's too late to share that with your mom and dad...you spared them knowing what he had written...that might have been a good thing but you'll never know that for sure.

Grieving inside is not a good thing...you need to talk about what you are feeling...talk to a professional about your anger at your dad...it's one thing to be "understanding" BJ but your feelings are the most important
at this place in time.

You have an appointment today....
people cannot help you if they don't know how you feel. So hear me...TALK TALK TALK. It's the only way out of your self.

And I went shopping and had to guess at your size. *grin

Sending lots of hugs to you BJ. Give yourself time,and therapy. Please read the 23rd Psalm. Love ya. BF

[[[[[[[[[[[[[BJ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
Just wanted you to know,your in my prayers!!!!