[Alffe]

When a family member dies, the survivors are faced with the delicate task of caring for each other, filling in the space left vacant by the loved one.

Some things like filling out papers and attending to financial matters are self-evident. Others, like the degree of comfort and presence a bereaved person needs or wants, are difficult to judge, and it takes a while to get the balance right. It is important to recognize good intentions, and also to speak up, kindly, when the balance sways too far to one side or the other.

In this back and forth of who does best and most wisely for whom, the loved one's absence is keenly felt - other-wise, why would we be doing all this? But maybe the loved one's presence is here too - in the care we take of each other, in the tenderness with which we try to fill the unfillable shoes.

Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman