It has helped so much by talking to you guys about the whole thing...it was hard but sometimes the best growth comes from doing the hard stuff!!

Hi Tamiloo,
I don't really know what to say but when you mentioned the anger I was taken back to a very dark place almost 40 years ago...I was 16, and in love with a 36 y/o rat fink did not know it at the time)and long story short, I found I was pregnant ( I was living with him, had the parents that did not care where I went and if I ever came home) so one day he came home from work and I gave him the happy news and was hurt, shocked and devastated when he promptly called me a slut and literally threw me out of his home! I will never forget, it was summer and raining straight down and I began to walk back to my parents home (about 10 miles) and when I got there I just told them he dumped me and I wanted to e alone so I went into the kitchen, found ex large bottle of pain pills that my dad took for hid RA and went into garage and puled a large mattress over me and lay there waiting to die, and I waited and waited and nothing ever happened so I began to get angry and went into the house with now large empty pill bottle and asked my mom what in the world was in it ( I knew I should never have survived) so without missing a beat mom said when dad had taken the last of them she filled it with vit C and I cracked up, rolled in the floor laughing and finally told mom what I had done, was mildly scolded before she went back to her soaps (which we always thought was weird how she would cry and relate to a bunch of strange actors but when we her kids needed her she was emotionally unavailable) but that was the one and only time I ever tried anything so stupid but I never felt so alone and hopeless in my life and honestly felt it was the right thing to do, but I got stronger after that, worked hard to have and take care of my baby! I guess I have a warped sense of humor and later met, married Dh and he adopted him (I had listed on birth cert. father unknown since he came from money, and 13 years later a woman shot and killed him, imagine that!
Sorry for the hyjack, got carried back in time for the only time I ever did more then think!

No Hijacking...Junie, it was great to hear your story. Wow, you are amazing my friend!!

tammi,

was just thinking about you...