[Addy]

Let me tell you something about GUILT.

Guilt is misdirected anger.

YEP, its misdirected anger!

Its anger directed at YOURSELF!

.... why?

You're mad at the way someone reacts to something you did!

OK - you can't change how someone reacted to what you did.
So, you feel mad at yourself for whatever you did.

You stir it around in your head over and over wondering what you did or should have done or whatever!

You become angry at yourself for having "caused" how that person felt.
And that anger comes in the form of GUILT!

You think maybe you shouldn't have acted the way you did... because of how that person reacted.

_________________________

THIS is what the depression demon does... the demon, when its inside of you, bashes down your self-esteem in a way that you can't rationalize the fact that you did nothing wrong.



We can't help how people react to things.

All we can change is ourselves.

[Alffe]

Ahhhhhhhh yes, that old devil Guilt! I'm familiar with Survivors Guilt Addy..

Jeffrey Jackson summed it up so well in that wonderful little handbook for survivors...... he wrote:

"Guilt is the one negative emotion that seems to be universal to all survivors of suicide, and overcoming it is behaps our greatest obstacle on the path to healing. Guilt is your worst enemy, because it is a false accusation.

You are not responsible for your loved one's suicide in any way, shape, or form. Write it down. Say it to yourself over and over again, (even when it feels false.) tatoo it onto your brain. Because it's the truth."

[Nik-key]

I still have so much guilt. I have been told over and over I shouldn't. Part of me can even see the logic in why I shouldn't. But it eats at me every day.

I love the booklet ((Alffe)) and the part about guilt hit home for me. I also liked this ....

“Guilt is what we feel
when we place our
anger where it doesn’t
belong—
on ourselves.”

Goes right along with what you are saying ((Addy))
............

......"If they were the one closest to the deceased then
they theorize, “I should’ve known exactly what was going on
in their mind.” If they were distanced from that person, they
feel, “If I’d only been closer to them...” Well, you can’t all
be to blame, can you? Isn’t it far more logical that none of
you are responsible?

Well, then who is? The simple truth of the matter is that
only one person is responsible for any suicide: the victim. But
that’s a tough pill to swallow, so instead of ascribing responsibility
to our suffering loved one, we nobly sacrifice by taking
it on ourselves."
.....................

That is me in a nut shell. Everyone tells me I was the closest one to Dad.
I feel it is true in my own heart as well. I KNOW they are trying to make me
feel better, let me know how deeply we loved each other. But, I know that!

What they can't see, is by telling me this over and over, the guilt gets deeper and deeper...
because damn it, I should have known! And it just kills me that I didn't...

[BlueMajo]

((((((((Nikki))))))))

I hate the guilty feeling... is... devasting... and, I cant stop it !!! gosh... My head hurts... I want to stop feeling guilty, but I cant... how disgusting this is...

Come on Nikki, we have to stop feeling guilty... dont ask me how... if you find out, let me know... Im tired of this feeling !

[Addy]

ahhh((((((Alfee))))))), (((((Nik-key))))) and (((((Blue)))))...

I wish I could always walk the talk I spew

Right now I'm very thankful that I have no guilt... (today anway)....

I've said it before and I'll say it again (To the tune of: "It Ain't Easy Being Green" by Kermit the Frog)... "it ain't easy being human......"

So lets quit beating ourselves up.. oh, ya... easy to say.......... just not easy to do.


I can't even imagine how horrible it must feel to suffer guilt when you lose a loved one to suicide...