Well that made me cry.....

*whisper....look at those pretty girls in Bizi's post.

I thought you were going out of town?

Who are those women?
want to chat? PM me cause I am reading on the forums.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

LOL..oops! you are no longer girls, but women! Sorry I missed you in chat...your dad made a pitcher of bloody marys and we got in the hot tub!

What's this?? Alffe and bizi's dad??

bumpity bump bump

Friends here have supported me, friends here have prayed for me, friends here have walked me through the darkness, friends here have put the fire into me, and inspired me.... today I sent a message to my son who has been struggling for a while now, and as some of you know, I have been in a pretty dark place, in a real fight for my life. *trying to control the tears here....being honest with my son, and telling him what I have been going through allowed him, spurred him, to be honest with me. His doc had him take a week off of work because he was in such a bad place. Neither one of us knew what the other was going through this week. We didn't talk about it. We have a hard time talking about it. But now we are, and it is a beginning. That is suicide prevention! Mostly, we love each other... Words, no matter how beautiful, or honest, will ever express how I am feeling...We were both reminding each other that no matter how dark it is, if you will just keep moving forward, eventually, you will come out into the light. Some of us have to do that over, and over, and over. But that is OK, we do it with the help of friends, and family, when we will allow them to help.......I could never thank you all enough.

(((Mistiis))) dear dear lady...I went looking for the description of depression and couldn't find it...I know you'll remember it...depression is a Beast that lurkes in our souls ready to spring at us without provacation....something like that. You're in that battle again...the same one Pter had to fight over and over and now your son is too. As you well know that beast is a formidable foe but you've won this before...granted your circumstances are different now..physical pain is a great leveler. I know you can do this again...you are one of life's heroes and we are all here to help you.

Talking about what you are feeling with people who care (and you know that we do) is the way out of the blackness.

((mistiis)) Your posts are always so moving It is amazing isn't it? How in your opening up, you give another the strength to do so too. I am so glad your son felt safe enough to open up to you. Yes Ma'am that IS suicide prevention at its best!

I know that dark place all to well mistiis... it feeds on silence. My Dad, he was a silent suffer, I am determined I won't be! I will not sit back and quietly go down without a fight. Being here amongst you all, has been a huge life line for me. I understand exactly what you are saying in that. But, know too ((mistiis)) as much as people help you, YOU also help them. You have helped me hang on a number of times Through our sharing, we help each other. When one of us can't find our way out of that darkness, someone here, reaches out a guiding hand. Breaking the silence.... that is what we are doing, and it is amazing! Keep sharing ((mistiis)) Much love

...you are so right Alffe. That is just one of the things that I love so much about you. You can tell it how it is, call a spade, a spade. You are showing me what I don't want to see, what I don't want to admit, what I don't want to be true. Everytime I come out of that place, and into the sunshine, I think it will be the last time, and I won't have to fight anymore. But its not true, is it? I need to be more grateful for those moments, however brief they may be, however quickly they may come, and go. Pter, what an inspiration he was, and the legacy he has left...I re-read his words, and I know that is me, because I am learning to do the same thing. I learn something with every battle. Perhaps, I learn how to battle, and win. And, hopefully, how to help others in the process. Somehow, it lifts the burden a little to finally admit it, to be able to talk about it. It helps to know what I am facing. I can grapple with it better. I tend to be the ostrich with its head in the sand. I can't believe how far I let myself get. It scares me for family, and others, to have to walk through it. I know I am not going to make a lot of sense right now. I am a bit emotional, and I have so much I want to say...do you remember the baseball thread? I was trying to remember what name you had chosen. I remember the name I chose was homerunning...and I remember Pter's reaction...remember when he posted songs for all of us? I still remember some of the ones that he posted for the people there. I guess I am getting sappy. I have tried to go and find some of those threads, especially the poetry. I lost most of my poetry. I wish I could find, "The Oriole Sings All Through The Winter." I will never be able to re-write that one. But I don't wish to go back. Despite where I am at, I am more well than I was then. Five years of hard work on myself. No, it has not made the depression go away, but I have my sanity, and I will fight tooth and nail for that, or die trying. (((Nikki)))...I will fight hard not to let those years go down the drain. I understand well the words, silent sufferer...and you are right...the darkness does feed on silence, and inaction, whether that inaction be our own or that of others. Thank you Nikki for the encouragement. I tend to let myself believe that I really don't make a difference to anyone, that I could silently slip away, and that would be Ok. I know it is not really true, that is part of the battle, just a small part of it. OK, enough already...

Mistiis...I've emailed you the few pages I'm able to retrieve but most of them are not archived. Such a loss.. we had great fun on that forum inspite of the fact that it was all about suicide and surviving. I can't remember what base I was..or if I was pitching or catching.

Do you remember the tree house? Are you sure you don't have your poetry copied somewhere?

And always remember that the black hole really does have sides.