In a few days it would have been my dad and step moms anniversary.
I love her like a mom, we never use step in my family. I want to do something
for her, but I am at a loss as to what. This has been so hard on all of us, I don’t want to cause her more hurt, but I don’t know, I don’t want to just pretend this day hasn’t always been special either.

I feel so bad for her, she is the one who found him. She heard the shot and went outside. What I saw gives me nightmares, and I didn’t see all that she did. I brought her yellow roses on Dad’s birthday, she liked that, and brought one down to his grave. But, I don’t know.. I have never lost a husband to suicide and can’t begin to figure this out. Any ideas?

Just a thought....

Do you know of anything special your dad used to do for her... a special flower or candy???

I was thinking maybe if he got her roses... you could get her one stem or maybe it was candy...maybe a small box.


Or maybe just call her and let her know that you are thinking of her on what what must be a difficult day.

I'm sure whatever you do... she'll appreciate it.


Abbie

What about taking her to a plant nursery and allowing her to choose a flower or shrub to plant in the special garden that you're going to make.

You could either stop at a cafe or go back to your house for lunch, and then have a private little planting ceremony of the flower or shrub that she chose. I would plant it in a large tub for now to give it time to get a good start while you decide the layout for the garden. That way it will be easier to move when you're ready.

You could even put the tub in the area that you have chosen for the garden, and if you can afford it.... maybe offer to have a plaque printed with her own special message on it to have embedded in the garden in front of the plant. If you don't have the money to do that, maybe suggest that she might like to do that at some later stage.

Thank you both, I truly appreciate your ideas. Birthdays, Father's day etc have all been about him, days we celebrated him alone. But an anniversary is a bit different, I guess I am unsure if she wants to be reminded. As I have no idea what she would want-I guess the only way I can know, is to suck it up and ask her

My family is tight, and we have BBQ's / pot lucks every other weekend. It just happens that we are doing one on Saturday, their anniversary would have been Sunday. I was thinking of bringing yellow roses, with a card... not an anniversary card... but a thinking of you card. And also let her know if she wanted to be alone I fully understood, but if she wanted company I would be there. So hard *sigh

PS abbie, yellow roses were always my Dad's flower to give all his girls

I love yellow roses too. Yellow for remembrance!

Do you have any of their wedding pictures Nikki? Maybe give her one in a new frame. I can't remember if you mentioned her religion....is she accepting his "choice"?

I've found comfort in the words of Algernon Swinburne..

From too much love of living
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever Gods may be

That no life lives forever
That dead men rise up never;
That even the weariest river
Wind somewhere safe to sea.

I like the idea of inviting her to go somewhere with you. Get her out of the house and outside moving around.

I like the idea Nik about asking her if she wanted a special garden too or to add to yours, think its a wonderful idea, and also seeing if she wants to get out and go somewhere is good too, combine both,

I guess male stripper would be out of the question? Just kidding

I like combo number 5 also

Even when I know you are upset, you still try to make me smile....thank you