I'm sorry BJ....another brick wall. You know what helps me when I'm really down?....doing something for someone else. I've served breakfast Sat. mornings for years at the Rescue Mission and when you see how appreciative those people off the street are, it really lifts you up.

How about visiting at a nursing home? Reading or writing letters with the residents....you were such a blessing to your own mother I'm sure there are patients who would love some attention from a woman with empathy.

Just wracking my brain here trying to come up with an idea that might help you get thru the holiday. Warm hugs....stay in touch.

Like you posted- the walls can be built both ways- "Pter" often posted messages here that made sense to others - even seemed to help some- yet when those same messages were extended to his family members years ago they were often met with the "wall'- Now his words make sense to me and I carry them with me knowing that a suicidal thought is just that - a thought that can be dealt with in various other ways besides a suicide attempt- I now know there can be various reasons one might have a tendency towards suicidal thoughts- and that it isn't just emotional or mental instability as it was once said to be- I also learned that we can set ourselves up in situations that make us think the act is justified- sometimes just to give a REASON for the thought- as he would say- it made an illogical thought logical- It took years to hear- and looking through strangers eyes to understand but I think I do now

reflecting upwards

you guys have no idea how frequently i read this.

I know the feeling of lonliness inside and wondering if anybody is out there. I think they are, but you have to reach out, probably more than once and experience some rejection in the process. People in this chat forum seem to be out there for you and me. billie bluecat

The eyes of a parent of a child whose death occurred due to suicide are eyes I have always had great difficulty looking into. I have found little difference here in the Forum. Your posts were ones I had great difficulty reading and I rarely responded to them. Why?...because there is a very thin line between a negative or positive understanding of words. My straight to the core manner would be unproductive for a person whose inner core had so recently experienced devastation.

I believe your son's death was an accident. I do not believe for a moment, having been his age and having walked in his shoes, that he understood that his solution would allow him no chance for further solutions. It was an accident. It is not just okay to say your son died due to a shooting accident...it is correct. The momentary action of a gun disallowed him the recourse of reaction with thought.
I pray I haven't hurt you. PTer

Well, Alffe, it seems I can't post a link so you will have to copy and paste plus add all the pre-url jargon. Weird how out of the blue I felt the need to come here and leave this song for you. Hope all is well. Many s, Susan

It's not weird at all Sue....we have a "heart connection". Now if I can just learn what was edited out... Come back...you are missed and loved.
Tell me everything!! *grin

Hi Sue!

How are you?

Still "crazy" here. *grin And I really wish you'd come back.

Hugs for the room..especially our Koala.