BJ, BJ - you have us, always. I have a brother just like you describe. Sometimes I think I deserve his lack of time for me - I was a teen when he was born and didn't have a lot of time for him then. But I always loved him. And now he's too busy for an occasional call, even when it's me doing the calling. And I lost my mother in recent years. I have obsessive thoughts about suicide, but no real intent since certain independent churches got hold of me. It was very traumatic, but now I fear death. However, I have learned that when pain gets bad enough, suicide is no longer out of the question. Isn't what we are really saying is that we want out of the painful situation, not that we want to die? Sometimes that does seem like it's the only way out, I will give you this. But know this. Neuro is all that I have for support. Dad would like to be supportive, but he's pretty sure that "getting out among people" would cure my depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, back disc problems and everything else. But Neuro - certainly you being a major player - is enough. I love it. PM me anytime you are sitting on your hands or getting sick from treatment, if you do. Use me, I'm not good for anything else, and I'd like to be good for something. And bless you for all the support you have given me! billie

Thanks, I would have thought it was from the Bible, but if I understand right, a wise old man shared this wish us. I do wish that if there is more, it would be posted here so that I could keep it next to my bed, in my car, printed in Vinyl on the LR wall. (unlikely, but possible).

What happens when the pain becomes more than I can handle? I've handled it before. Why give yourself any room to speculate? Haven't I learned already I can handle the pain? Didn't God ask you to give Him all of my anxiety? Then why Julz do you speculate that there will come a time when can no longer handle it or that they won't make a medication that could cure AD? Isn't there a way to kill this nerve so it can no longer give me grief?

I am looking for peace. Peace that there will never come a time when you or I will take our own life. It is a sin. Is this pergatory, then? Probably so. Be patient while He helps someone who needs His healing more than you. My niece started calling me a "steel magnolia"... why would u ever want to leave those girls without the greatest aunt in the world? How do you think they would handle it? Maybe that's why in some cases it is a hereitary thing. Don't let it creep into our family who has been so blessed. Believe in Him.
Study His Words and try keeping and talk of it to yourself. Keep this wherever u need; but stop thinking about a time when no one will help u through the pain. STOP IT! You've come a long way already R u not exhausted yet? Didn't just the thought of suicide cause you to tire and sleep and awaken without pain? Just remember, your husband really loves you. He continues to tell me that he will change or go to therapy with him. Be well, b/c u r well. AD is just a signpost that gets in the way of the awesome view. But soon, I will get past it. And it will be an awesome view of life.
Finding Julz, u r on your way! God Be With You as He is with US. The almighty healer. You keep expecting a doctor, but he is an angel. Expect the miracle. Finding julz.

(((Susan)))

i miss pter. *sigh

Me too dear wish...but he left us so many life lessons. (((Wish))) I've missed you!

Alffe - can you share more with us about Pter? It has been so long ago ... anymore wise words, anything else about him? How did he learn so much?

Not Alffe, but heck, I resisted replying for a while.

He had insight, wish. He learned from living.

He did good, he did wrong, he loved, he hurt, he was loved, he was hurt and he made mistakes, but the thing he had was "INSIGHT".

He had grown to know himself and his thought processes and tried to help all of us by sharing that.

Just my thoughts... <sigh>

You have "nailed" him Lara. How I wish he had written that book!!

always pick up the phone, dont stay alone!

Alffe... I wish you would write your book.

There - I said it.

So, somewhere down the way... am I gonna say: "How I wish she had written that book!!" ????

I can't tell you how many times I think I should write a book with what I've learned here... and about the role it has played in my life...

yep... insight... its a gift to recognize it within yourself...

Addy