(((Hippiechick))) I hope that you found sweet Nik-key's link for you in the post at the top of the forums.

And I hope you come back and check with us.

A lot of times words just seem to have little impact on that horrible depression we feel...the thoughts that it would be better if we just weren't alive.

But I also do hope you see here that this group of people do care deeply. If nothing else, can you come back and talk? Or PM? Or go to chat with someone?

We get worried when someone pops in and doesn't return. Just like grandmas, moms, etc., we can be a bunch of worry warts when we don't hear from you.

Love and peace to you.

Hello hippiechick and everyone else. This thread just jumped out at me and after reading it, I too, wept! You are an amazing bunch of people who even going through your own pain, reach out to help others.

Please hippiechick~ listen to the wonderfully kind, wise words in the posts here. People really DO care and are here to listen.

Thanks everyone for letting me butt in.... and Nik~ your post was so touching.

May the good Lord smile down on each and every one of you.

Hippiechick, I find myself thinking of you often.........
As ((Doody)) said we tend to worry. I know I am concerned
about you You don't have to talk if you don't want to.
But we are always here if you ever do. There is never any
pressure here. Just a hand to hold onto. Keeping you in my
thoughts and prayers Nikki

hi hipchick,

you even got DM to butt in...that's an amazing feet...I mean, feat...

just kidding...

and our special Nik is posting away her beautiful uplifting thoughts for you

and doody and Dmack and brokenfriend and mistiis and many others are here to listen...

there are many legs here that will help walk with you...no one will judge you...

hope you are able to come back and talk to us again soon...no pressure, of course....

just thinking about you..

((((HUGS))))

Thank all of you for caring about me so much. I was very upset when I wrote last week. Things are pretty much the same but, after being told to "get over it", I'm trying to "act normal" right now. Whatever that is... Yes, I do know what suicide does to a family; my grandfather committed suicide when I was a child and I always believed it was my fault. (my mom's dad) And, when my mother died I was a young teenager and I was told that that was my fault. It was a tremendous amount of guilt to bear. Even though I'm not certain that it was my fault, I still hear the words in my mind....funny how some things you just never forget and some things you can't remember for anything! Wait a second.......are you hearing the violins yet??????? I try to block all of this out but there are times when it just all comes rushing back.....especially when I've been really sick and had to deal with the docs and the news has been particularly discouraging and I couldn't walk a straight line for anything and I'm passing out so often, etc. It's just, well, I don't know the exact word that I would use for it at this time, but it would be something spectacular!!!!!!!!!!! So, yes, dying is constantly here with me in one way or another.....because I know that it's coming soon and I've heard from SO many docs lately the very graphic and detailed description of what will happen and some of it has already begun. And I am just a bit ambivalent.......I'd rather be able to do something while I am able to - rather than wait until my body is totally shot and I am not able to do anything for myself because I know that no one would help me to do anything then. It's just a lot to think about. Sorry for running on. So, anyway, thanks so much - again - to ALL of you. And HUGE, HUGE hugs to everyone.

I am so glad you came in. I'm sure it was not easy. You do truly face a nightmare. I won't pretend otherwise. If I were in your shoes I imagine that I may be feeling the same way. I don't have any magic words, or magic potions, or a magic pill. And I wish I could make it all go away. I guess that is not an option. There are people here who are a lot smarter than me and may know how to help you to better deal with the issues that are bound to come up day to day. But I can listen and offer a I can be a friend. I'm sorry that I am not where you are. Please feel free to send me a pm anytime you want. The people here are so caring. They have gotten me through some really tough times. They make me smile and cry, and want to be alive for as long as I can. I am sorry you took on those guilt feelings as a child. Children are so very sensitive. They pick up things that we are not even aware of. And I don't see anything wrong with feeling sorry for yourself either. I would be feeling pretty darn sorry for myself too. I just hope that I can help in some way. I wish I could make your burden a little lighter. There has to be a way. There are ways.......maybe we can all work on it together...:hug :

HI Hippiechick...

Well, I can almost be certain that those feelings of wanting to die are a result of the stress and trauma of knowing the physical demon you are battling seems to be winning ... it must be so hard...

and nothing I can imagine ...

I can only feel sadness that your life has come to this point...

It is you who I can learn so much from... so I thank you....

...

for being in my life...

Hippiechick

I am delighted to see you have come back, I hope you will continue
to do so. This forum family is wonderful! We can't change your illness
but we can offer support, compassion, love and strength to help see
you through. Post when and if you are up to it. I look forward to getting
to know you better. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

Please check in, HC.....we care

...Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers as well as your family....maybe you wouldn't mind just posting a smiley to let us know how you are........