[Doody]

I am not privy to everything that is said 'behind the scenes' of SOS. So, I hope I make sense here.

There seem to be concerns about how SOS is handled on a day to day basis. Rather than PM back and forth between a few members, why not discuss this openly and decide on how SOS should be handled???

There are people who feel the daily posts are too frivolous and don't address the needs of lurkers and members alike. Some feel that certain posts do not get the attention that they should.

I've been looking at all the other forums here. I see a lot that are not that active and those that are...well, such as MS. They have different needs to talk about. They can talk about medicines, cures, what helps, what doesn't.

In SOS, we don't have different medicines to talk about, really. We don't have different 'cures' to talk about, really. Or am I wrong about that.

We don't have a 'Stumble Inn'. We don't have a group of people with headaches to talk about medicines and such with. We don't have a group of people with arthritis to discuss current meds and events with. We don't have MS. We don't all have fibromyalgia to discuss cures for.

What we do have is, mostly, people who have been touched by suicide in one way or another. So...how do we approach that on a daily basis?

So, I ask again, how do we fix this?

Do we need a 'Stumble Inn' for SOS people? Or is that what the Wonder Threads are supposed to be for? Do we need some kind of sub-forum?

I don't feel that the SOS people have ignored others. I really don't. But...some people do feel that way, so again, I ask...

How do we fix this?

Instead of messaging back and forth behind the scenes, can we as a group of SOSers come to some kind of agreement as to how the SOS forum should be run?

Do you have a suggestion for our own 'Stumble Inn' type of place?

Should some of us not be here?

I'm totally confused, so I do believe someone here should suggest how to fix this. Do we need a room set up where we can all discuss it? A private room? A social room?

I come in here on days and am met with total confusion because I don't know what is going on, BUT I do know something is going on.

So please get in here and tell me what it is you envision for SOS. Or tell me where we can all discuss it like the adults that we are rather than talk in private.

We're all involved in this here. How in the world can we help when we don't know what is bothering our friends?

The potential and current members are important to ALL of us here!

[Curious]

sos is a support forum. that differs from a forum such as ms or pd or any of the medical type of forums we have here. ms is the most active forum here. they have an on topic forum and a social forum, which is stumble inn. there is no need for sos to have a sub forum.

imo support comes in what a person needs the most. for some it's the light hearted posts, for others it's the more serious news articles or inspiration quotes.

all are fine. i get pm's of complaint from members who complain about one type, then post that same way later. you can't please every single person.

time for the sos to stop being so judgemental on people's posting style and support needs. that includes the way they offer support.

all need to remember and read the guidelines. this forum does have special needs, but so do all of the forums here and no one is exempt. asmin and mod desisions are not to be discussed on the forum.

[tovaxin_lab_rat]

Since I am the one who started this, I won't be part of the problem.

To be honest, I don't think a separate "social room" is the answer to the problem. I think Doody hit the nail on the head by saying that

Rather than PM back and forth between a few members, why not discuss this openly

Sometimes just saying things out in the open is the best thing. I found out that some people have been put off by some things that happened while I have been gone that I was totally unaware. Since these were administrative issues, there are to stay admin issues so I will not dwell on them.

Do not let these types of things divide the group, it is times like this that this group should pull together and become more cohesive instead of dividing up into different camps. That is not good for anyone. Maybe that is what I am seeing. And I am just going to say it...I will support you, but not you. I don't know who any one of you are as I have not met anyone. To me you are all members of this forum equally and I am saddened by what I am seeing. I felt very sad by what I saw when I had been absent from this forum for almost a month because I was busy with getting ready for my trip and opening my new shop. I saw a divided group.

IMHO if everyone went back to being a cohesive group, more like the Wonder Thread that Curious pulled up, and stop bickering, and be supportive to everyone then all this would be a non-issue.

Sorry to be so blunt, but not having all the information, which I don't want, makes it tough to make an informed post. I am flying blind and making suppositions here so for that I probably should apologize from the gitgo.

I came here to support and learn how to deal with suicide in the family. I have not seen any of that lately. And I am sure that I am not the only one. I have found it very difficult to do more than say thanks and offer hugs in general...that's not me. I feel like I am walking on eggshells and that's not me either. I don't want to walk away but the atmosphere in here lately makes me want to and I truly do not want to...so as Doody has asked, let's all work together to bring us "all" back together again. We all need support and we can all give support.

[Doody]

I think that all the forums here are support forums. I see people say that all the time, we are here for support.

But several times I have seen in SOS that folks get concerned about how SOS is handled. And members get hurt. That's what concerns me. I've really never questioned that myself, but there are folks who do.

Yes, we all have 'cliques' if that is how some choose to see it, but every forum has a group of friends. That's just how it goes when you've posted in a certain forum for a long time.

So I still wonder, do 'long-time members' from the other forums have a suggestion as to how we should handle the SOS forum.

Maybe we do need a special sub-group for 'frivolity'??? But for the life of me, I can't think what that sub-group would be called. Do you all think that is what we should use the Wonder Threads for? And save the rest of the forum for strictly suicide related posts?

I am not looking to step on any toes here. Just looking for suggestions. I for one am proud of the support that we find in SOS, I am most definitely, without a doubt, not saying that I am not.

I just know there are concerns and I don't want to see people hurt.

[Doody]

Oh ((Flygirl)) no no no! Please do not think for a moment my question for discussion in anyway involves just you! Yes, you did post recently about how sos works, but...it happens more than you think.

I love you and everyone here, please don't think for 1 minute that this is about only you!

[Doody]

I'm not in anyway talking about what goes on with admin issues, not at all! Those are private issues and yes, sometimes people involved with a situation get hurt. It's our nature.

I guess I hadn't seen a division of people, one group being mad at another. I'm not sure from where that comes.

I'm just totally confused by it. I don't want to be someone others are upset with and not know about it.

Maybe any 'frivolity' at all should be kept to just Wonder Threads???? I don't know. Although I often 'wonder' about how others are doing in wonder threads.

[Chemar]

if I may intrude....tho I guess I am not really "intruding" as I also have a family scarred by suicide ...............

I tend not to post much tho as I know that some cant see past the admin label and I dont want to ever make anyone uncomfortable by my presence here

whenever I do visit here, I see love and care and support offered in so many ways. sometimes in serious threads and sometimes in light hearted ones. I never cease to be amazed at how a group that often carries such a heavy load can still stop to lift another member who is hurting

sometimes there are threads that include support for all and sometimes a specific member is cared for with a thread dedicated to them

why would that need to change?
I am puzzled that something that doesnt appear to be broken (at least to me) needs to be fixed

I dont think it helps when members are made to feel that the way they offer their support is "wrong"
IMO offering support (and receiving it) should be allowed to be spontaneous and in the style that each member feels comfortable with, and not regulated.How can we possibly say there is a right or a wrong way to care

anyways that's my 2c worth as a member, not a mod

[Doody]

((Chemar)) thanks. Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there. That is a much needed affirmation from you (admin or not ).

[tovaxin_lab_rat]

First off, I never took anything personal! What I said was just an observation after being gone so long.

I came back and saw all these individual threads and wondered what was going on ...where was the Wonder thread that had been so much fun and no postings on it. Where was the "group" support? I saw a divided group. I saw a post to help a new member with very little activity and wondered what was going on.

I also sent postcards to the SOS group and was a little disappointed that not many people commented about them, even after I posted . Granted, I removed myself from the list but that was because I was going to be gone and am so darn busy right now I felt I could not send out postcards to all of you and felt that I would be neglecting everyone. That is the ONLY reason I had removed my name from the list.

The support from the group has been lacking. As Curious stated, this IS a support forum.

I am sorry that I opened this can of worms. (where's that wormy icon when you need it...someone go fishing?) I never meant to hurt or offend. I was just trying to bring the group back together. I am a very open person and ask questions when I want answers. Openly. Not behind anyone's back. I don't tend to PM and ask questions, I put it out there. And that's what I have done. This is by no means aimed at anyone. It cannot be. For "I know nothing!" (in my shultzy voice from Hogan's Heroes) That's my story, and I am sticking to it!

Now, could we get back to business...or rather, let's get back to being friends here. Stop all this...please. I think I know where there is some chocolate hidden...

[Alffe]

Good luck with tomorrows opening Cheryl. I think I remembered that correctly.