For over a month, I've had a houseguest, staying in the tiny cottage on my land.

She's an old friend, dear to our hearts, and we're helping her in her desperate time of need.

She's in the midst of a very painful mess in her 2-decade-long marriage.

Every day, for hours, she comes to visit, and details the latest installments of her husband's perfidies and reprehensible behaviour. (She's in constant phone and email contact with "back home")

While visiting me, usually in there somewhere, she begins to cry, and starts talking about killing herself.

well, yesterday, I'd finally had enough.

Here's what I said to her:

"Look, my daughter attempted suicide the day after her 16th birthday... she took a massive overdose of Fioricet, nearly died, was in a coma for 3 days, and barely made it."

"It took a DECADE of hard work to put her back together into a happy, fully-functioning adult, with a joyous life, a fulfilling relationship, and much hard work to heal the emotional trauma in our family."

"Because of all that, I don't want to even THINK about finding you at death's doorstep, or deceased."

"So, I would appreciate it if you would please STOP talking about killing yourself on a daily basis."

"If you're serious, then you need to go get some help, I am not able to give you the support you need at this time, I am too sick with MS."

"And if you're just being dramatic, or "joking" about taking your own life, well, I'd really appreciate it if you'd STOP, because it's not an appropriate way to describe your anger and misery, and if you're "joking", well, it's NOT friggin' FUNNY!"

She apologized, and said she wasn't seriously contemplating suicide, and said she'd stop saying things like that, and that she didn't know about my daughter.



I hope I handled it right.

You are a dear friend for taking care of her. Engaging her in a conversation about what she is thinking and feeling is a good thing....but..
the fact that she's is able to talk to you, to tell you how desperate she is, is something that you need to encourage her to do.

Talking about what your daughters attempt did to you and your family is also good. She should get professional help but I'd tell her that you are always willing to listen to her. I'd also ask her how she plans to kill herself....does she have a plan?

You are my kind of friend Cayokay.

yes, Alffe, I told her I'd ALWAYS listen to her, and love her dearly.

she confessed that she didn't realize that talking about suicide was so terrifying and painful to me.

and she said she wasn't REALLY going to do it, had no plans to do it, and was very sorry for talking like that, in not understanding how it was making me feel.

I'm still not 1000% sure that my friend isn't really thinking about suicide, as she is certainly in abject pain and hurtful misery (her husband brought another woman into the marital bed while my friend was abroad, and has now moved in with the "other woman")

but Alffe, we had a REALLY good long talk afterwards, and we both felt lots better.



thanks for your support.

Oh (((Cayokay))) you are simply an amazing woman and I'm so glad you are here. What a good friend you are. I ditto everything Ms. Alffe had to say.

Much love.

I am glad you were able to have a heart to heart with your friend.
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you. It sounds
like you are doing everything you can.. listening to her - being open
and upfront - and guiding her to professional care. Everyone should
be so lucky to have a friend that cares so much

thank you for the shoulder, guys...

I have a hard time saying what I really think when it's important...

I mean, saying it RIGHT, with clarity, and honesty, as I worry too much about hurting feelings. and misinterpretation.

it's something I'm working on...



my pal is busy with my hubby in the kitchen, making wontons from scratch, and she seems in a much better place emotionally.

thank you for letting me unburden myself.