For over a month, I've had a houseguest, staying in the tiny cottage on my land.

She's an old friend, dear to our hearts, and we're helping her in her desperate time of need.

She's in the midst of a very painful mess in her 2-decade-long marriage.

Every day, for hours, she comes to visit, and details the latest installments of her husband's perfidies and reprehensible behaviour. (She's in constant phone and email contact with "back home")

While visiting me, usually in there somewhere, she begins to cry, and starts talking about killing herself.

well, yesterday, I'd finally had enough.

Here's what I said to her:

"Look, my daughter attempted suicide the day after her 16th birthday... she took a massive overdose of Fioricet, nearly died, was in a coma for 3 days, and barely made it."

"It took a DECADE of hard work to put her back together into a happy, fully-functioning adult, with a joyous life, a fulfilling relationship, and much hard work to heal the emotional trauma in our family."

"Because of all that, I don't want to even THINK about finding you at death's doorstep, or deceased."

"So, I would appreciate it if you would please STOP talking about killing yourself on a daily basis."

"If you're serious, then you need to go get some help, I am not able to give you the support you need at this time, I am too sick with MS."

"And if you're just being dramatic, or "joking" about taking your own life, well, I'd really appreciate it if you'd STOP, because it's not an appropriate way to describe your anger and misery, and if you're "joking", well, it's NOT friggin' FUNNY!"

She apologized, and said she wasn't seriously contemplating suicide, and said she'd stop saying things like that, and that she didn't know about my daughter.



I hope I handled it right.

You are a dear friend for taking care of her. Engaging her in a conversation about what she is thinking and feeling is a good thing....but..
the fact that she's is able to talk to you, to tell you how desperate she is, is something that you need to encourage her to do.

Talking about what your daughters attempt did to you and your family is also good. She should get professional help but I'd tell her that you are always willing to listen to her. I'd also ask her how she plans to kill herself....does she have a plan?

You are my kind of friend Cayokay.

yes, Alffe, I told her I'd ALWAYS listen to her, and love her dearly.

she confessed that she didn't realize that talking about suicide was so terrifying and painful to me.

and she said she wasn't REALLY going to do it, had no plans to do it, and was very sorry for talking like that, in not understanding how it was making me feel.

I'm still not 1000% sure that my friend isn't really thinking about suicide, as she is certainly in abject pain and hurtful misery (her husband brought another woman into the marital bed while my friend was abroad, and has now moved in with the "other woman")

but Alffe, we had a REALLY good long talk afterwards, and we both felt lots better.



thanks for your support.

Oh (((Cayokay))) you are simply an amazing woman and I'm so glad you are here. What a good friend you are. I ditto everything Ms. Alffe had to say.

Much love.

I am glad you were able to have a heart to heart with your friend.
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you. It sounds
like you are doing everything you can.. listening to her - being open
and upfront - and guiding her to professional care. Everyone should
be so lucky to have a friend that cares so much

thank you for the shoulder, guys...

I have a hard time saying what I really think when it's important...

I mean, saying it RIGHT, with clarity, and honesty, as I worry too much about hurting feelings. and misinterpretation.

it's something I'm working on...



my pal is busy with my hubby in the kitchen, making wontons from scratch, and she seems in a much better place emotionally.

thank you for letting me unburden myself.

Oh I think you say it just fine! How did the wontons come out? *grin

the wontons came out GREAT !!

they were the appetizer for the stir-fry dinner, served with sweet hot pepper sauce, yum!

Glad things are going better for you and your housepest, er I mean houseguest.

Yes, I know she's a dear friend, but even so, she's so needy and that can sometimes wear a friendship thin.

You must be a very very patient person. Bravo for you, Kay!

housepest, yeah!

I'm about one eighteenth of an inch from tossing her out on her kiester.

she left the gate open all night, because she came home too drunk to close it properly...

and I could have lost some of my flocks (200 birds) or the open gate might have allowed entry to a wildcat or neighborhood dog, which would kill my birds... I'm very very angry about this.

and she has brought strangers to our farm, which makes me uncomfortable.

I'm tired of worrying if she's going to kill herself, and leave us to deal with the problem... I'm just too freakin' tense about it... and even though I asked her to STOP saying that she wants to die she's still mentioned it twice more, after our conversation last month.

I have a rule, no shoes inside my house (because of all the free-ranging birds, and concomitant caca), and she wears her shoes inside, even though I've asked her not to... and tracks in dirt and ***** all over my newly scrubbed floors.

she takes the last cup of coffee in the pot, and doesn't make a fresh pot.

she slams the microwave door.

she passes gas loudly, and laughs.

she has drunk all my beer (I keep a case for guests, not freeloaders!)

she walks in, and uses everything, messes up the counters, tables, and linens, without asking, and without cleaning up after herself.

she *tells* me what to do, instead of suggesting, when I'm working.

she's loud, boisterous, rowdy, obnoxious, rude, crude, vulgar, and annoying... and she swears a lot.

at first it's funny, but after a while, it gets to be a serious drag.

she knows I can't risk getting sick, but comes over anyway, sneezing and coughing all over this morning.

she doesn't push her chair in, clear her dishes, or wash anything.

she doesn't empty her ashtrays, or contribute work to our farm. (except ONCE, she helped pluck a couple of chickens, but I had to RE-DO all her work, because she has blind spots in her visual field.)

yet she eats two or three meals a day here (on my Social Security pittance!!), she's cooked only twice, and she hasn't paid any rent.

a few times, she's chipped in for a tank of butane, and bought groceries (mostly snacks and treats, not staples)

she's eating me out of house and home, and I don't NEED another dependent needy CHILD to raise, I'm 51 years old, and too sick with MS.

two months of overhearing her frantic and painfully LOUD phone calls to the North, and her constant abrasive presence, and I'm about to go BATSH*T here.

she's so moody, tearful, and angry, that I can barely ASK her to do anything (like be quieter, or contribute) without her getting all upset.

she cannot take a hint, she simply doesn't GET that when my door is closed, that means I wish (or NEED) to sleep, be alone, or concentrate, or am busy.

plus, my husband and I are newlyweds, and it's a total drain to listen to every single tiny detail of her ugly divorce, or financial problems, and especially, to have to hear her make ethnic SLURS regarding the woman her husband has taken up with.

racism of any sort is unacceptable to me.

so, housepest status it is, Twink, and I've friggin' HAD it with her.