The deep importance of talking to people who understand your feelings is echoed by almost all survivors who have had the experience of going to groups.

"Groups allow us to share our grief."

"We can overcome stigma and shame there."

"It's a safe environment in which to share pain."

"It reinforces our self-esteem."

"It gives us support models."

"It tells us that grief is okay."

"Mutual support helps us to deal with the myth that "If if only I'd done something different, made him feel more loved - he'd have lived."

"It helps to cry and not have people stop everything they're doing."

"People need to know they're not crazy. The group gets rid of our fears about behavior and fears about having fears."

Silent Grief Living in the Wake of Suicide by Christopher Lukas and Henry Seiden

I've been to support groups,and prayer groups,and I've spilled the beans in these groups.

The prayer groups from churches have been especially helpful. I'd go to a group,and ask for prayer,and they would pray for me,and encourage me,and I'd feel better.

I have moved away into a rural area,and I mis these groups. I'm glad that this forum is here. BF

I went to a support group once, but I left because I thought I was taking up too much of the organiser's time.

I thought that the other people there needed more one-on-one time than I did, and I decided that I was so insignificant that they wouldn't miss me anway.

I've never been back to a group like that, and I tend to try and manage on my own these days. Sometimes I manage, sometimes I don't do too well...but I go it alone just the same!

It sounds like the leader wasn't very good Koala. Unfortunately there are bad ones out there. I'm not sure what kind of a support group you went to but they are all supposed to be about support.

More from the book..Silent Grief by Lukas and Seiden

"Some self-help groups are led by professionals with mental health training, or a background in counseling or in group work; others are led by lay people, survivors themselves, eager to help other survivors.

While there is some argument about which kind of leadership is critical in making a self-help group experience effective and valuable. Some feel that professional background and training is a must and that it takes expertise and sensitivity to maintain a climate in which real help can be obtained.

Some survivors, on the other hand, feel very strongly that just being a mental health professional doesn't qualify someone to lead a group of suicide survivors. They claim that groups have shown they can work very well without professionals, who often (they say) don't seem to understand the kind of grief survivors go through."

((Koala)) I agree, you didn't have a very good leader! I have never been to one, but I am trying to find the courage to go to my first one on Tuesday

Alffe, I would have to say the ONLY reason I am even thinking of going, is because the group is run by survivors. All the groups in New Hampshire seem to be run this way. Everyone in the room has lost a loved one to suicide. If I wanted a professionals opinion, I would go to therapy. Peer groups, I would think would always work best. One has to know the pain, to truly understand it. IMHO

Getting ready to leave for the support group...I hope it isn't just the mod. and I again. Hopefully she'll have some feedback on the survey.