Thank you Koala77. That's very kind of you. The family situation is so painful. I never did anything to deserve that. What are they thinking,and now when our American economy is so bad? I'll never understand it,but I can forgive her. I need to be forgiving. I have to forgive her. I must. BF

You have had some really good suggestions BF!

I'd like to add mentoring in the schools. Mr.Alffe reads to school children one day a week and is part of a program at our Juvenile Justice System to take kids on outings...min. golf, tour the stadium...what ever the kids might like..there are both men and women mentors and it's not quite a one on one but close.

Also consider reading to and writing letters for patients at the hospital or nursing home. I used to help cook breakfast at the Homeless Shelter and that was very rewarding.

I think you'd be a natural at any of those suggestions...and it would give you something else to think about besides the way you are being treated.

And yes...do shop for a church...I will be doing the same come Dec.

Dear BF

Sounds like we have a bit in common my friend.

I too get very depressed, and as i speak I'm in the same zone as you, I've been here quite a while and its not a place i like to be.

My doctor has upped the dose of anti-depressants and hopefully it will subside soon......

I too live a life with very few friends, my wife and children are the only ones really in my life, and i am the youngest of nine children.....BLAHHHH....

I'M A GREAT ONE TO SPEAK HERE, AS I SHOULD TAKE MY OWN ADVICE..But for what its worth sometimes in the depths of a low...you have to take time for yourself, and be a slight selfish.....i mean concentrate on yourself, find something to do that gives you pleasure and rewards your self esteem...you are a very kind man....be kind to yourself as well....treat your self, listen to your body...when the chest pains come.....deep breaths..........sit a while and tell your body to relax.........it took me over 10 years to combat panic attacks and i still use relaxation as the cure..

Lay aside a day in your diary for a 'BF' day....take a trip...go watch a film or go for a meal.......what ever will help turn on your inner light. As for finding a church............you have one inside you just open the doors...as for a brick one, ask GOD to show you where to go, if your meant to be somewhere...you will get there.

Depression is a cruel companion, but you are the host of the party...so throw it a curve ball ,now and then by doing the things it does not expect you to do..........CARE ABOUT YOURSELF

David

"Depression is a cruel companion, but you are the host of the party...so throw it a curve ball ,now and then by doing the things it does not expect you to do..........CARE ABOUT YOURSELF"

Great insight David....thank you!

David
Acceptance is an admission that you need help, help is the route to tollerence if not cure.

David, truly you have a way with words. You say more in a sentance or two than many can in a whole page! Since I have come here, you have had so many profound things to say.... I think you should compile them and write a book!

((BF)) I am sorry to hear how bad your anxiety is. Do you take medications daily to help reduce it, or do you take them as needed? I have meds that really do help. But, throw in a bad day and I am right there with you grasping my chest and gasping for air. Really bad ones, then lead to the TIA's. Scary stuff. My heart goes out to you Keep posting, maybe we can help relieve some of that stress for you

David Thank you for the advice. I'm sorry that you are going through the same thing. Depression is a cruel companion. Right now,every now,and then,I feel little bubbles of joy,and well being,then it stops. I'm trying to get more humor by seeing the David Letterman show,and late night with Craig Ferguson. The both of them make me laugh. For a while,I couldn't laugh at all.

I've got to get through these circumstances,for they are many. People bother me right now,because there has been so much abuse in my life,and I don't feel like going out the door. I'm sort of confused,but some things I see to clear. I hate these feelings. I didn't chose this.

My Dad has put me out of his mind,and doesn't even want me to visit him. He fussed at me on the phone the last time that I called him. My sister doesn't want to even talk to me. All of that makes me feel strange.

Have I caused this? What have I done? Is my condition blinding me to something that I'm doing that irritates them? Maybe they are just tired of my condition. These things hurt so bad because it's some sort of rejection. I cannot help it. Oh gosh. All of these things kept elevating after 9/11. People have changed. It seems like I'm looking at whats left of this country. Let me stop here.

I see a new counselor tomorrow. I hope that this counselor helps. BF

Nik-key I'm on three different medications,but they aren't helping very much. I'm worried about my money situation too. I take Xanax,Luvox,and seroquel. Even right now,I have that pain in my chest. I hope that it subsides a bit before I go to bed. I think it will.

Oh yes. I have a cat named Snow Flake. I call her Sweetie. BF

Alffe Thank you for the good advice. I hope to find the right church,and I hope that you find the right church in December. Thank you always... BF

good luck with the new counselor today BF..I hope this will be the one who helps.