an elephant walks into a bar, he asks the bartender for a draught beer. But the bartender ignored him.

He then banged his nose hard on the bar. The bartender still ignore him.

The elephant then reached his trunk behind the bar and poured himself a tall draught. Then he sucked all the peanuts off the bar and then had more beers until he was satisfied.

When he offered to pay, the bartender still ignored him...as a matter of fact, nobody in the bar said a word to him...

it was not like what the elephant had seen on "Cheers" where everyone knows your name or that you are an elephant.

He got up and left and broke the door on his way out.

The bartender then looked at the door and yelled, hey, who broke the door??

---------

OK, this is a sucky story, I know and I'll take credit for making up something sucky like that...it wasn't supposed to be funny...

why DO we ignore the elephant in the room??

always, the subject of suicide is discussed more commonly by the survivors of the ones that survived the ones that have gone...

but what about the actual thoughts...

those of us that think about it, want to do it...

what are we thinking? Why do we think it?

That kid that killed himself infront of other internet users...

what was his frame of mind at the time?

and why did he do it infront of others??

I always seem to recall that most folks that have taken their lives usually do it in private...

it always seemed that they would act normal right before...

they would go to a party, perhaps, they might go bowling, like I did...

they might be laughing and dancing just an hour before...

but most of them have done it quietly...

and sometimes, they leave a note...

sometimes, they don't...

but now we have the shooters/plus suiciders...the ones that would go on a shooting rampage and then kill themselves...

we now have people that will kill themselves on the internet infront of others...

is this a new age that we are coming into??

And to those of us that think it...

WHAT do we think? HOW do we think??

why is it that we ourselves can't decipher it...I know I can't...I cannot understand why it comes just all of a sudden sometimes...

and yet those are times are the hardest time to talk about it...when I need to the most...

I often would talk about it after I "survived" the thought...but I couldn't talk about it "During"...

yet it is funny how that would be the time when I WOULD need to talk about it the most...

I wonder if that is how it is with a lot of folks..

I know there are suicide hotlines for those that ARE thinking about it...

and I know there are a lot of folks that utilize it...and I am so glad that they are using it and that it is available...

but what about those of us that can't talk about it?

I, myself, come here...

I dig up old posts...I sit on my hands..mentally and physically...

and I put away my car keys...

my urge to drive into the water still mysterious draws me everytime I drive by a bridge..

as if the water is calling me...it is odd...it is strange...it IS there...

that elephant...

and then, the other elephant...

the elephant of denying the ones that need to talk about the ones that have passed...

someone I met recently somehow got on the subject of suicide...she started and then she all of a sudden put her hand over her lips...and stopped...

as if she was embarassed or felt it was tabooed...

we were in a semi-public place with a lot of ears...

but I whispered to her...I understand...

moss's first hubby took his own life...

yet, I found myself not able to tell her that as well??

I just told her that I understand and that if she would like, I would have no judgements...but she didn't continue...we just talked about business...

I came home and I asked myself many questions...

why was I afraid to talk about moss's first husband??

Was I ashamed of him? no...

was I considering moss's feelings? Sure...but moss is open about it somewhat and I know that she wants to help others that are dealing with the same grief...

yet, it is more than that, it is more than considering moss's feelings...

it is this self-controlled taboo...

I just felt "uncomfortable" yet I live this subject and breath this monster...heckit, I BREED it...

why do we, as a society, that care about one another, are afraid to talk about this elephant??

Why are we afraid to say to someone that have lost someone that they love to suicide yet we have no problem saying something to someone when they've love someone to heart attack or cancer??

Who made these rules? Who started these stigmatisms??

Alpho and bizi, I am sooo sorry that you lost Michael...and I am so glad that you guys are honoring him and talking about him and letting us getting to know him...

nik, I am so glad you are telling us about your dad...letting us seeing his handsome photos and telling us what a great and wonderful father he was to you...

sorry, it's getting late and I can't remember who discuss their loved ones often here...and I hope they do and continue to do so...

moss's been missing her first hubby lately..his name was "Tim"

he was the grandfather to these awesome grandmoisses...without him, I wouldn't have had the pleasure of adding two extra special souls to enrich my heart...

To Tim, who enriched lives...

To Rich, moss's brother who took his life as well...whom I met once...who was a kind soul that touched many lives also...

to all, that have gone...

you will not be forgotten...