dearest mistiis,

I have tears all over me...and I am shivering like crazy here...

I don't have the right words right now...

you are awesome....

and your last paragraph touched me so much...

I just wanted to send you some ((((BIG BIG HUGS))))

((Mistiis)) I sit here in awe of your strength and courage. I could guess from the bits and pieces you have told us... I can only imagine how hard this was to share. :hug:My heart breaks for the little girl in you, and I just want to wrap you in healing protectiveness. :hug:

I am not as strong as you. Though I truly do care so much for all of you, I could never share my past. I don't think it makes me particularly weak, I think it is more that I have already been through the healing process you are in now and I just can't go back. It is so painful, but you truly DO come out "whole" on the other side. The love is stronger and "purer" It is difficult to put into words.

My reason for sharing that is though I can't talk about things that happened, I do want to share something about dissociative reaction or black outs as I experienced. I am not overly religious in that I don't practice the "politics" of organized religions, but I do have strong faith and belief.

I have rarely shared this with anyone, and hope I don't make you all think I am a nut.... but you know how you said you have no memory of the actual event? Well, I have a belief that explains why. I believe that not only does God bless us with black outs when things are so traumatically dreadful... I also believe we are "taken" somewhere to help us while it is happening.

I never thought anyone else quite understood what I was feeling... In 2000, a year after my diagnoses, when I was going through my darkest time with wishing I could end my pain, this song came out. It was written by Harley Allen and sung by John Michael Montgomery .......... I think I should stop talking now, and just let those who wish to, listen to the song.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijs2iignd5Y

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z...0beautiful.jpg

She said I know that man up there on that cross
I don't know His name
But I know He got off
Cause He was there in my old house
and held me close to His side.............

Thank you (((MOI))) and (((NIKKI))) .....I can't tell you how much your love, and care mean to me. This is just not something one can talk very easily about. Its something I have had to get through on my own, except for my friend at church. 7 years of counseling and therapy to recover from that thyroid disaster, but no one to help me with this. Well, I shouldn't say no one because, yes, He is there, always has been, and always will be. We have a very intimate relationship. Ever since I was little. I think you are right Nikki. He has always been by my side. I had no one else. Now, I have friends like you and my sweet Moi, and so many others here. And I know they will understand. I hope so anyway. This is not a pretty thing to think about or look at. If I had someone else to go to I wouldn't bring it here. But then I think about all those other people out there who don't have anyone either. And I want them to know that we are here for them. And that they are loved......:grouphug:

(((MOI))) your sig made me laugh right out loud this am.....I just love you to pieces......:hug:

(((((mistiis))))

You are amazing ... a survivor and an inspiration ... and such a warm, caring person.

:Heart:

p.s. you brought me back from 'just reading' for over a month and I finally signed in today. :)

Well look who's back! *grin

(((Scrabble))) it truly is good to see you here. I am only as strong, and as inspired as my friends....we struggle together, and hold each other up :grouphug:

((Mistiis)) I have been thinking of you today :hug: If you ever want to talk more, I am a good listener:hug:

Thank you, THANK YOU... everyone one of you who is participating in this thread... gosh, this is all so enlightening to me and I'm now going to chirp in with my scattered thoughts .... which are whirling all over the place right now....

Please, first, though, I want to tell you all that I have heard good news about LARA so check out the "Hey Lara" thread to know she's ok :yahoo:


I think everyone of us here has the capability or the courage or the common sense or the insight or whatever you want to call it....

to take what we read here.... and grow so much more!!!!

I grow with ALL , in realizing what an amazing lifeline our friendships have meant to us all... quite literally.... new or old friends.... we are always supportive .... for whatever it takes.... we have it in us!

I'm literally spinning around with happiness about you all! :sing:

mistiis,

you get triple word/triple letter plus "scrabble" bonus for bringing scrabbly out...

the word of day for all you folks is:

"AWESOME"

and that is worth a gazillion points...

was inspired to do some digging of my own today - this thread is amazing and inspiring in all ways possible: overcoming obstacles, friends coming together, staying positive, ....

*bump*