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01-06-2016, 01:05 PM | #21 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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this thread originated in 2008, so many of our lives have changed completely. Hugs for the room
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"Thanks for this!" says: | barbo (02-02-2016), FeelinGoofy (01-06-2016), Lara (01-07-2016), OhKay (01-09-2016), PamelaJune (02-06-2016), Wren (01-06-2016) |
01-08-2016, 08:02 AM | #24 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
Never in my thaught where could I pull that loose thread I couldn't find a area in my life I would change for it is in my ENDEAVORS I have become who I am And I pray the Father is pleased I like who I have become And what is in front of me yet to encounter In Jesus I trust Hope Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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01-08-2016, 09:57 AM | #25 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
with the world Brave you are A place of true healing Is in truly forgiving Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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02-02-2016, 10:15 AM | #26 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Stopping the hurt
I might as well have done away with myself I am numb after what transpired yesterday I will never forget it My eldest struck me with the ham bone I was sending home with her for my dog My daughter became vicious and never have I seen her so out of control I have been a great mother to my children After yesterday and what was said to me over monies that my children owe me over the years of helping them And I mean in their adult life I have tried and tried and asked for forgiveness of any pain I may have caused them in my drinking days And let me just say I was lucky that my children did not get killed by things that happens when one drinks I have said all I could and showed them and taught them Never did I see the ugliness money has caused this family to show their true colors They are adults now I will not reach out anymore it hurts too much to be around them I ask my daughter when would it be that she was going to have this talk she promised me referencing to the obligation on paying me back the monies she owed Well that was the end of whatever mother daughter relationship I have had with her Her siblings did not like who she became and are estranged from each other This family sicker than sick However the fact of the matter is between both of them and what they owe me is enough to pay my car off twice Why do I have to beg walk on eggs shells when brining up the subject What my eldest did yesterday I will never forget as long as I live Several years back When Sara still lived with us one year a gift given to her by me as appreciation for all she has gone thru and her help throughout her time as a member of the family She made the same move her father pulled back way back to 1984 A beautiful solid gold necklace I had purchased him A piece he threw back at me in a physical confrontation Never did I give it back to him It is one of the few pieces I still have and have worn it as a reminder never to make the same mistake again It being a solid piece as is the necklace bracelet and ankle bracelet took it off yesterday handed it to me and said "This should pay back what I owe" I said really You would give up what I have you as a gift with the meaning behind it killed me I seen her father all over again Then proceeded to say that should cover it Never will I be paid back the money I gave my children As they asked I gave with a clear understanding Apparently that isn't the case I had a very difficult time to see the kind of ugliness come out of her It felt unnatural Yet it REALLY WAS REAL SURREAL THIS IS NOT MY CHILD YES SHE IS WHAT HAPPENED TO HER I ASKED IF THERE WAS ANYTHING I owed her in ANYWAY The answer was no What is even sadder in the bigger picture Cory was having her braces put on for the very first time Arrangements were made Big sister would be there to meet her Well Corissa went through it herself Did not want to tell me her sister was not there while having then put on This made me a little nuts If I would have known I would have stuck it out and would have sat through it It turns out that technology moved up They weren't anything like when my adult children got their braces Another reason big sister was going in my place Big sister is thirty five I cannot allow myself to accept the behavior set before me and stand for it Never have I abandon them Never did I not help them when asked and if I could Never did I say NO to my children Never did I lie to my children Never did I not encourage my children Never did I allow another person to come into my life without the thought not the father of my children Just did not feel right nor did I practice it My choice I then sobered up when they were still young In grammar school Damage done that only an alcoholic understands It still is something my kids then looked forward to Me getting tipsy How they got over on mom Yeah they told me the things they did Yet even in drinking days I knew what it did Way tooooooo much for me to now in hindsight could handle alone And with and by the GRACE OF GOD I made it this far And they still come looking for stuff when situations with us are not good I have come to the truth of the fact I will never have what is owed me be understood I have to let go of the idea i will ever receiving a penny from them and move on I am so hurt emotionally having had a family that is divided All over money The root of ALL EVIL the car is something I need Corissa will continue her education and will need a car I also want to change my will My lawyer passed on A will made before his death has Sara as power of attorney Because my children allowed my life insurance policies to lapse Does not leave much However I want to leave everything of my life acquirements to go to my youngest Corissa Any and everything This decision was not hastily made Just the hard true fact I do not want a funeral When I die I am to be burned Who gives a s**t if I rot I don't I cannot erase what went down yesterday All because I asked when will she begin restitution She asked me during the holidays to wait and after the holidays pass I would hear from her And because I heard from the person I owe four thousand to as she loaned me the balance needed to purchase it It was paid off But I still have this one obligation I am responsible for When she through the gift back I put it on Corissa and told her Not a hand me down If she wanted it it is hers She understands the value of what she is wearing But most importantly she understands why I won't sell it I will pay off my obligation the best I can And pray this horrible horrible situation be the end of it I will not let my children hit or mentally tortured me anymore This to shall pass Never to be forgotten I cannot force them to do what is right What is wrong WITH ME I KEEP LETTING THESE HURTFUL THINGS be spoken about Nobody wants to step up to the plate The baby and Corissa all seen what transpired upon asking her to please leave I was not feeling well My meds were due and was not physically up to any of what was happening I still feel weighted in the center of my chest Gone out of my life is where my adult children are No more let's call mom and torture her even more I have officially put an end to it So much for family I worked so hard at Time to let go My dog I will never see again My son I do not want to see anymore He has crossed to many lines I have no one to blame letting this go is the hardest thing I will have done I will now call my friend and explain what it is I am capable of doing So hurt So so so sad It is just like a family of suicide I am so tired Now to fight the fight Can't give up Corissa needs me Eva needs me Her mother does not even want to call her at seven every night Am I doing something wrong here too Just what I was told It's never enough what I do And do on so many levels Sad Me
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 02-02-2016 at 06:12 PM. |
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02-02-2016, 11:30 AM | #27 | |||
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Senior Member
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((( eva b )))
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Enemies ..... Don't see them as bad. See them as broken. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (02-02-2016), barbo (02-02-2016), EnglishDave (02-02-2016), eva5667faliure (02-02-2016), Lara (02-02-2016), OhKay (02-03-2016) |
02-02-2016, 04:47 PM | #28 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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Eva I am so sorry that you are in such pain. Please know that you are much loved on this site and I pray that you will start being kinder to yourself.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | EnglishDave (02-02-2016), eva5667faliure (02-02-2016), FeelinGoofy (02-02-2016), Lara (02-02-2016), OhKay (02-03-2016), Wren (02-02-2016) |
02-02-2016, 05:08 PM | #29 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
I so cannot believe what is happening Truly No clue And will not be searching Thanks for keeping me afloat and holding on to me So I cannot drift out to the abyss Keep me strong I love them so much It just isn't so But it is Love
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (02-02-2016), EnglishDave (02-02-2016), Lara (02-02-2016), OhKay (02-03-2016), Wren (02-02-2016) |
02-02-2016, 06:51 PM | #30 | |||
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Magnate
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Dear eva,
This is just beyond words. Simply place all your love and effort into yourself and the two youngsters. They are the future and could give reasons daily to elevate your Mood. Be kind to yourself, apportion blame where it belongs - not upon yourself. Dave.
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You and I are yesterday's answers, The earth of the past come to flesh, Eroded by Time's rivers To the shapes we now possess. The Sage - Emerson, Lake & Palmer. |
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