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02-02-2016, 04:47 PM | #1 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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Eva I am so sorry that you are in such pain. Please know that you are much loved on this site and I pray that you will start being kinder to yourself.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | EnglishDave (02-02-2016), eva5667faliure (02-02-2016), FeelinGoofy (02-02-2016), Lara (02-02-2016), OhKay (02-03-2016), Wren (02-02-2016) |
02-02-2016, 05:08 PM | #2 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
I so cannot believe what is happening Truly No clue And will not be searching Thanks for keeping me afloat and holding on to me So I cannot drift out to the abyss Keep me strong I love them so much It just isn't so But it is Love
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (02-02-2016), EnglishDave (02-02-2016), Lara (02-02-2016), OhKay (02-03-2016), Wren (02-02-2016) |
02-02-2016, 06:51 PM | #3 | |||
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Magnate
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Dear eva,
This is just beyond words. Simply place all your love and effort into yourself and the two youngsters. They are the future and could give reasons daily to elevate your Mood. Be kind to yourself, apportion blame where it belongs - not upon yourself. Dave.
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You and I are yesterday's answers, The earth of the past come to flesh, Eroded by Time's rivers To the shapes we now possess. The Sage - Emerson, Lake & Palmer. |
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02-03-2016, 12:19 AM | #4 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
It's so difficult But I will It is hard to let the lives you held when babies What happened It hurts so badly I have but no other choice Me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (02-03-2016), barbo (02-05-2016), EnglishDave (02-03-2016), OhKay (02-03-2016), Wren (02-03-2016) |
02-03-2016, 08:59 AM | #5 | |||
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Elder
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You were able to get sober while your children were still young. I understand that you may still feel some guilt, and that they still may harbor some anger, but you should be very proud of yourself, forgive yourself, and not allow them to use that guilt against you. You are a good mother (and grandmother) and you deserve respect.
A loving mother will give of herself the best she can, but it seems like you have given to the point where you've let your children bleed you dry with no intention of repaying their debts. I'm so sorry for the stress money problems have had on you and your family. I hope that your daughter wakes up and realizes that her mother is a never-ending source of love, not money, starts repaying her debt, and gives you the apology you deserve. At some point, you are going to have to accept the fact that your children are just never going to repay their debts. Once you've come to terms with that, you can begin dealing with the other issues that might be causing rifts in those relationships if you choose to. Until then, as Dave said, take care of yourself and the little ones. Don't allow the others to manipulate and wound you. I know that you are vulnerable right now, and in a lot of pain, but I also know that you are strong. Please hang in there and know that we're here to listen. Kay |
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02-03-2016, 02:03 PM | #6 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
It is at that point I have reached I have called the person I owe the balance of the car No other obligations on my shoulders Resentment yes many And after all trials one must as I have and you very eloquently put it They are not going to pay me back This from my two eldest who both took me on a hell of a run So yes I am at that point Again uncharted feelings Though Once I make a decision I follow through I come for what I receive Feedback I take what I need and put the rest to rest Thank you for the wise words Mean more then you will ever know It's priceless I look for honesty This I know you put forth Thank you very much for that Love Me
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02-05-2016, 09:02 AM | #7 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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It almost should be unspoken
Not a word uttered Because one knows how badly the other Hurts I am so tired of crying It too wipes me out and I don't even get a start in my day For it has been like this for a long time Three maybe four years now It doesn't change much When dealing with an addict Such as myself My children soon followed I alcohol My children alcohol and drugs Nothing small time Always on a grand scale To the point of overdosing and getting the phone call It has been like this since Christine reached seventh grade Hell opened up The years that followed Corissa being born with a kidney problem This we found out when she was sick with fever at three and a half months She almost died Standing in the shower with her feeding her as the water rushed down our bodies to help bring the fever down Rampid with a kidney infection Two surgeries later and saving half of her kidney Corissa is soon to be eighteen Where did all those stressful days go Over a month and a half in the hospital transferred once to the hospital where the disease specialist doctor Michael Lamacia Will never forget him I just might send him a card to the MAN Christine still on a downward spiral as all this is going on I am in the school on top of it all Yet she fought me all the way With baby in tow Christine stole the show Then on a new road with a child at twenty two has her first seizure the years past The hospital stays I was there always at their side Never left them alone Ever I lost my job when Corissa became ill That was the deli and house era mid nineties Nineteen days in the hospital when she had brain surgery By the way what the "F" was wrong with my ex-husband He named her Broken am I just thinking about it Sorry I didn't cut it For I understand no family is clear of skeletons But Please Do not forget my children It was my job And I did it without thought I just did I was blessed to have become a mother And try to do what I knew to do I have done a heck of a job This only they and I know They need to step up with apologies Not second hand apologies They need to learn how to do the "forgiving" The kind that does not come back and it resurface and bite you in the butt No And please this mommy knows every facial expression on their faces when having done a forth step over and over again Because they did not like hearing the truth My children have had learned behavior inflicted upon them What the hell did I know in my late twenties and early thirties I knew plenty I had raised my baby sister I was nine when she was born It became my job I already cooking dinner for the entire family upon coming home from school and expected to keep up with school and the English language A little pat on my shoulder A letter to the deputy director of the human resources for families I have written of him briefly in my years on neuro talk Nevertheless I asked my shrink if I could get his feedback of it He was surprised to how well constructed I told him it took me five days to get it just right I was only a quater of the way in when reading it to him Now I'm tickled he was I don't know if surprised is the word I want to describe my initial feeling I was hoping he would see the message I was sending And I did not want to loose him as a reader to a very disturbing complaint towards a social worker Hoping it gets in his work file Picking and choosing a fight Why does it boil down to putting one in ones place I don't get it It sad It's very sad And my personality wants to make things right I MUST be very careful what I pick You can't pick family So I work with what we have I cannot tell you if I have the heart to let what happened when Sara returned the gift I had given to her And please this has zero to do with money But more the reasons when I gave it Was a terrible hurt Never did I ever Ever think she could do what she did Knowing the story behind the necklace I wear around my neck since April 1985 I still wear it as a reminder I made it without havi g to sell "it" As it represented much I am floored Sara did the same And she knows what she did And what it would do to me I worked hard to give my children the little I could How do I get the place to "forgive" such hate anger so help me How do I tell myself This should not be happening to you Eva I is especially surreal I am clueless what happened How do you forgive Clueless My shrink won't accept that I still very sorry to have a family that has scattered as they have Nothing but pain This heart feels the pain It is broken into such minute pieces Picking up the pieces impossible Oh how unappreciated I feel How used Betrayed Lied to Stolen from Comes from a terrible place I cannot explain how disappointed in them How do I forgive As I am the one who gets dumped on Love Me
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