David, Twinks, Mistis, Alfie and Nik-Key-You all are so wise and you are able to express things so much better than I can. It took me a while to like who I was and am-I couldn't play a piano, I was and still am quiet in most social situations. I just quit therapy after she said that I couldn't change the situation I was living with. I have learned to accept what my ms (I don't want to give it capital letters) has done to my body and my life but to add to this insult I have to live and accept my husband who is controlling in his own way, but supportive in so many ways, who is silent and with whom I feel alone with in a crowd. He is still seeing her, but with the financial crunch and the realization that I just needed to find my own inner peace. Inner peace can be lonely. Thank you all that you guys do and if I left anyone out by name-forgive me. I don't necessarily want a harder skin. Again its that balance issue again.....

Pat (Doxie) and P.S. I think I forgot David and I don't want big ears to think I forgot him.

Dear David...you are such a caring Soul...and definately not an 'easy' path to tread, but a 'royal' one.

...letting the joys fill me up again. Taking care of YOU! You get drained, and have to deal with your own depression, which is draining in itself. Do you write? I know you like photography. How much time do you find for it? I have found that allowing myself to take a deep breath and experience something that is joyful, and allowing it in, despite the depression, helps me to get through. Things can become pretty bleak through depressive eyes, and a depressive mind. Finding any joy can be the most difficult thing, especially when you face what you do over and over. But it is there in something. We just need to find it, and breathe it in, giving us the needed strength to continue on our journey.

I think, maybe, trying to find why there is pain in the first place. What is the dance of life? Ok, I am getting a bit philosophical here....

Sensitivity, a blessing, and a curse. But, I think, I am grateful for it. Where would the world be if there were not people who where strong enough to be weak enough....sorry, this is a good/bad day.....

Ah, David, I'm sorry you miss crying. My anti-depressant allows me to cry... the difference that it makes for me is that I cry less and rationalize my way back to acceptance and resolution.

Hugs to you David, for I know how healthy it is to feel.

The thing is, that without the anti depressant, we suffer more than just the crying... its the anxiety and the helplessness and the hopelessness and the irrational thoughts....

Alffe... without hesitation I can say that The Prophet is my bible.
That book is never far from my side. Kahlil Gibran was brilliant.

I'd like to say this about the thread.... don't pull it... maybe trim it, or cut it off... maybe mend it... but if you pull... it will unravel... and gosh only knows what you'll end up with.

Trouble is... when we see a thread, we try and pull the darn thing.

(((Doxie)))...we were posting at the same time. I think your words were very well said, and very wise indeed. You are in a tough situation. But you sound like a strong, and wise person to me. We need each other. Especially when we dont have anyone 'out there' that we can open up to and feel safe about doing it. I am in a similar situation. Maybe we can share more in a pm. please keep sharing....

....so true Addy, especially when the thread is painful. We maybe would like to paint it invidible. But, then, the hues wouldn't be so varied and beautiful?

I am allergic to so many AD's that I can't take them. So I have tons of tears but have a hard time letting them flow until I reach a dangerous point. I am trying to find some natural alternatives. The H, H, and I that you mentioned need to be managed if one is to survive.

I like "The Prophet" too, much wisdom there.

Oh David...you struck such a chord with me...

"I will be truthful and tell you at times i am so tired, and weary, about helping others.....then something happens and I'm the first one in to help...............

It is in me to care................my conscience is enormous and would never allow me to be a bystander............the payback of sadness is very hard, but i cant switch off "

I'm enthusiastic and cautious at the same time about getting even more involved than I already am with suicide...it exhausts me at times both mentally and emotionally. I've learned rather late in this life that support is my passion and I'm impatient to get "at it".

I've learned that "hands on" is a far cry from the written word and it's important for me to recognize the signs of "too involved" vs "caring"...if any of that makes any sense. *grin

I'd like to save the world but that isn't my job.

Pat, I want MORE for you....acceptance is a huge thing and I so admire you for being able to...a lot of people never get where you are now.
Inner peace can be lonely but just hollar out...we are here for you.

I read this post first thing this morning when ((Alffe)) wrote it... but I needed some time to decide how I wanted to reply.

Firstly, I want to thank each of you for sharing.......... I would like to address each of you, but I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment so I hope a big hug and thank you is ok

Alffe, thank you for sharing Michael with us

I too am what the world would call overly sensitive. (and yes I cried at lassie, and I never get through Little house on the prairie without at least a few tears)

I love with all I am. Yes, that makes me hurt with all I am too. But, I would not have it any other way.

If we did not love, we would not grieve. I am grieving to the depth of my soul right now................. but, only because - I loved my Dad with all my heart and soul. I would not trade that love for anything!

I debated if I would share this with you all, I haven’t even shared it with my family. It is very special and personal... but I think I should share it so others can see that it is not only ok to be sensitive, it is a great quality and something I take pride in.

This is parts of a letter I got in the mail Saturday from my younger sister ( The one who recently came for a visit and went to Dad's grave for the first time........( I am leaving out details and somethings too personal, but you will still get the gist as to why I will not even attempt to change.

" You gave me someone I could trust, depend upon, admire and measure myself against. You gave me someone to look up to in a childhood that certainly had none. You are the rock upon which I have rested many times. The rock that has sheltered me always. You gave me a hero.

......Most people see their childhood heroes fall, they get let down. As I have grown older my hero, has only gotten stronger. You Nikki have only become more amazing.

.....Every heartbreak you have endured, every horrible injustice that has happened to you ---- you have come through with dignity and grace. And if possible, even more strength.

........You have kept your heart open and you have loved freely. Regardless of how many times and how deeply that love has hurt you. It is this quality in you Nikki, Above all others that truly makes you the most incredible person I have ever been blessed to know. "
.................................................. ...........

My point in sharing this is not to toot my horn, though I must admit I cried, and hard, when I read it.... My point in sharing it is, you just truly do not know how you impact someone else. I know when she was a child I tried so hard to give her a safe place and someone she could trust. I knew how much it meant to ME to give her that, but I did not know how greatly it effected her.

I have forgiven things, many might not be able to. Even some of my siblings feel they never could, and that I should not have. But I did, and I did it for love. The love I gave and received because I was able to forgive, far supersedes the pains of the past.

Yes, I may be over sensitive.... but who is to say that is a bad thing? Certainly my sis doesn't think so, and neither do I.

Nikki, that letter from your sis is incredible! So sincere and heartfelt.

Love and admiration like that has been earned and is well-deserved.

You and your sis are two very special people. Just wondering, did you get that sensitivity from your dear father?

Thanks for sharing, dear Nikki.

Nikki it's a beautiful letter...I see that compassion runs in your family. You remind me of that old Swedish proverb..."those who wish to sing always find a song". I love the way you sing to us.