another bump

Warning signs.... they are apparent when someone is struggling mightily.
In our child we could not see the present signs as he lives far away with his little nuclear family of wife and son [our grandson].
In retrospect, signs became apparent in his situation, though it could have been seen as so much drama, acting out, yearning for attention of a kind we do not understand, because being there and listening was big .... we had lived it.

After the wreck which nearly took me, years passed, surgeries mounted, expenses escalated, market crashed, career lost, pain endless and unbelievable physical pain met my every waking breath, we were down to our last few dollars after so much had been swept away by someone else careless at a wheel.....
and I faltered in faith,
found myself studying insurance,
looking over records for things in right place,
looked DEEPLY into a dark abyss into which I wanted so to pass,
everyone around knew I was distancing myself,
my own lawyer striving so hard to wrench enough through the system to keep us afloat rang alarm bells after I had already sat lonely and alone numerous times trying to "get up the gumption to finalize it"....
care leaped into my presence
and
proper meds also arrested the horrific depression
that
had seemed to consume my very soul.

I left the lonely mountain roads I had located finding the place to claim and end.
The glory of the true blessings whom I had not really failed was brought home to a soul reborn as my family showed me love.
We were no longer wealthy in dollars, we were wealthy in love.
Therapy for a long time helped immensely.
This place helped even more.
Oh, how I wish our son, who, being of adult age at the time and long since gone on his own, was not told of the circumstance right away..... so he could be shown that situation was not a life enabling choice it was a family wrenching awful choice in our circumstances..... did not receive my experience in a light of "hey this is the way" but "how I am so glad to know love and faith trump all" made choices for reasons maybe he will share one day.

Life is hard,
Death chosen, as in my case, for reasons which are certainly a permanent solution to a temporary crisis, was not for me and how I wish and hope we can help others to see a means to emotional health.
I am glad for it.
Blessed.

Blessed as well by the thoughts shared here on this bump up.
Thanks Alffe and those others who posted.

Humbled

"If only" is such a huge part of all of our lives. Mark, the journey of life is such a long one. (next I'll be bumping that up. ) To say that you had/have a lot on your plate would be an understatement.....look how far you have traveled and have now begun the "teaching" part of the experiment. You are playing it forward and I appreciate it.

I have a library of books on suicide, one of my favorites is Suicide The Forever Decision and it's written in a conversational style by Paul Quinnett.
It is for those thinking about suicide, and for those who know, love, or counsel them. It's soft cover and I wonder if your son could benefit from it. Since he is too far away to get him in your arms, you might consider sending him a copy.

I hope you have received some news today. Continued prayers.