NeuroTalk Support Groups - I Will Wait...............(A poem)

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- - I Will Wait...............(A poem) (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/66860-wait-poem.html)

Yes ((Alffe's)) words keep ringing in my mind.... let go, let God....

Perhaps I am doing this without fully being aware of it.

I keep thinking how when Dad took his life, I had this same overpowering need to get in the car and drive and drive........ but, then I had a plan for when I stopped. I was going to drive far enough away so my family would not know, so they would not hurt as Dad has hurt me.

I no longer have a plan, it isn't that the thoughts are not there... I think it is normal to have these thoughts. Living IS harder than giving up....... but I wont do as Dad did.

But, that need, that overpowering urge to get in that car.... to just drive far enough and long enough that I don't have to feel all of this anymore... it is taking everything I have not to do just that.

David you once said "when the storm gets worse I volunteer to be your raincoat " The storm is here, and I find I am in need of all the raincoats I can find.

Thank you all for being here :hug:

My dearest Nikki....emotions are a very strong driving force. I know how hard it can be to just sit with them. You feel that you must do something or it will drive you.....I don't have any easy answers, I wish I did. Have you seen your doctor? Sometimes, we simply need that extra help to get us through the really bad moments. Please listen to some of the music- write-pray-take a hot bath-talk, we are listening, and praying dear friend....:hug:

Waiting.............

I was having an exceptionally difficult time yesterday, it was snowing... and though I tried with everything I have, I wasn't able to go visit with Mom. Sleep wouldn't come and I found myself looking through Dad's briefcase, touching everything he held dear. Holding his war metals ...... and just wishing to God he had been able to win his last battle. I simply broke.......

I then went and got the tote where I keep some of Dad's clothes and his jacket. I keep them all sealed air tight to keep his scent for as long as possible. I slept with his jacket last night. I haven't done that in a long time…..

I awoke in the wee hours before dawn to my Dad's voice .... he was singing to me......... God but he had such a beautiful voice! It was the same song I heard over and over in mind those first weeks after he died............. I am not going to put a link to the song, as it was my Dad's voice I heard singing it...…….But the song is Ohh Child. I swear I could still feel him brushing away my tears. Dad isn't here.... yet somehow... some way... he still finds a way to bring me comfort when I need it most. Today, will be a good day :hug:

Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child
Things will get brighter

Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it undone ........................

Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun ...........................

Waiting for that some day :hug:

Awwwww dear Nikki...love is the tie that binds, through it all, no matter what, such strong love is eternal....he is not there physically but he knows and he is there....:hug: I luv u...

Oh Nik-key. We love you so much. Steve :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad you can still hear your Dad singing to you. And such a perfect song, too. (((Nikki))) :hug::hug::hug: