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01-07-2009, 12:12 PM | #11 | |||
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Senior Member
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Yes ((Alffe's)) words keep ringing in my mind.... let go, let God....
Perhaps I am doing this without fully being aware of it. I keep thinking how when Dad took his life, I had this same overpowering need to get in the car and drive and drive........ but, then I had a plan for when I stopped. I was going to drive far enough away so my family would not know, so they would not hurt as Dad has hurt me. I no longer have a plan, it isn't that the thoughts are not there... I think it is normal to have these thoughts. Living IS harder than giving up....... but I wont do as Dad did. But, that need, that overpowering urge to get in that car.... to just drive far enough and long enough that I don't have to feel all of this anymore... it is taking everything I have not to do just that. David you once said "when the storm gets worse I volunteer to be your raincoat " The storm is here, and I find I am in need of all the raincoats I can find. Thank you all for being here
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******************************************** More Than One Soul Dies In A Suicide . ******************************************** . |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (01-12-2009), barbo (01-17-2009), Brokenfriend (01-12-2009), mistiis (01-07-2009), Twinkletoes (01-16-2009) |
01-07-2009, 12:16 PM | #12 | |||
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01-07-2009, 01:47 PM | #13 | |||
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Senior Member
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My dearest Nikki....emotions are a very strong driving force. I know how hard it can be to just sit with them. You feel that you must do something or it will drive you.....I don't have any easy answers, I wish I did. Have you seen your doctor? Sometimes, we simply need that extra help to get us through the really bad moments. Please listen to some of the music- write-pray-take a hot bath-talk, we are listening, and praying dear friend....
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LOVE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER........ . "Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?" Thoreau ~ You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. ~ |
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01-12-2009, 11:24 AM | #14 | |||
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Senior Member
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I was having an exceptionally difficult time yesterday, it was snowing... and though I tried with everything I have, I wasn't able to go visit with Mom. Sleep wouldn't come and I found myself looking through Dad's briefcase, touching everything he held dear. Holding his war metals ...... and just wishing to God he had been able to win his last battle. I simply broke.......
I then went and got the tote where I keep some of Dad's clothes and his jacket. I keep them all sealed air tight to keep his scent for as long as possible. I slept with his jacket last night. I haven't done that in a long time….. I awoke in the wee hours before dawn to my Dad's voice .... he was singing to me......... God but he had such a beautiful voice! It was the same song I heard over and over in mind those first weeks after he died............. I am not going to put a link to the song, as it was my Dad's voice I heard singing it...…….But the song is Ohh Child. I swear I could still feel him brushing away my tears. Dad isn't here.... yet somehow... some way... he still finds a way to bring me comfort when I need it most. Today, will be a good day Ooh-oo child Things are gonna get easier Ooh-oo child Things will get brighter Some day, yeah We'll get it together and we'll get it undone ........................ Some day, yeah We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun ........................... Waiting for that some day
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******************************************** More Than One Soul Dies In A Suicide . ******************************************** . |
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01-12-2009, 03:49 PM | #15 | |||
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Senior Member
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Awwwww dear Nikki...love is the tie that binds, through it all, no matter what, such strong love is eternal....he is not there physically but he knows and he is there.... I luv u...
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LOVE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER........ . "Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?" Thoreau ~ You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. ~ |
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01-16-2009, 05:54 PM | #17 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I'm glad you can still hear your Dad singing to you. And such a perfect song, too. (((Nikki)))
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Rochelle . . I've lost my mind ... and I don't miss it! LIFE HAS NO REMOTE -- GET UP AND CHANGE IT YOURSELF! |
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